June 27, 2005
The Apple
Catherine Mary Stewart .... Bibi
George Gilmour .... Alphie
Grace Kennedy .... Pandi
Alan Love .... Dandi
Joss Ackland .... Hippie Leader/Mr. Topps
Vladek Sheybal .... Mr. Boogalow
Ray Shell .... Shake
Miriam Margolyes .... Alphie's Landlady
Synopsis:
Set in the futuristic year of 1994 (the movie was made in 1980), 2 Canadian singers (Alfie and Bibi) travel to America to participate in the WorldVision music contest, but lose to the singers backed by the Boogalow International Music (BIM) corporation. However, Mr. Boogalow takes an interest in them and tries to sign them to his label. Bibi falls prey to the seduction of the music industry, while Alfie tries to pull her out of it.
CHEESE-tastic!!!!
This movie is basically a retelling of the Adam and Eve story, set in the future and to music.
- Catherine Mary Stewart. Yeah, okay so she didn’t sing any of the songs but she was so pretty. And while her acting may not have been great (probably a step below Soap Opera acting), comparatively she was practically Shakespearean against her co-star.
- The Songs. I’ll admit it, some of the songs were catchy. The opening number is fun (even if I couldn’t really understand what they were saying). One of the better songs is Alfie’s lament of lost love. Even the song about how all Americans are on drugs (SPEEEED!) is fun (at least, that’s what I think the song is about; like I said before, I couldn’t really understand a lot of the lyrics).
- The Glitterati. Holy shit. It’s like the only direction given to the costume designer was “MORE GLITTER!” because everyone jumped naked into vats of glitter and then got dressed. I’d hate to think that back in 1980, people really believed that in the future, we’d all be so horribly dressed.
- The Acting. There’s a reason that almost everyone’s credit listing on the IMDB has only this movie and maybe one or two other items. If they’re not subscribing to the William Shatner school of overacting, then they’re so wooden it was almost painful to watch.
- George Gilmour. Worst! Acting! EVER! This guy couldn’t decide on which accent he needed, the non-accented Canadian or the slightly accented British/Scottish. Sometimes, he managed to get both in a single sentence. The only part of the movie in which he was at all entertaining (in a good way and not in a “we’re laughing at you” kind of way) was when he came up behind his landlady and grabbed her bosoms. Otherwise, he was awful. I will give him his due in the singing department though.
- The Deus Ex Machina. It’d be one thing if this device was at all mentioned during any point of the movie but it happened in (literally) the last minute of the movie.
Overall, it was still an entertaining movie. The acting was so cheesy it was laughable, especially the acting during some of the songs. The songs were amusing and somewhat enjoyable. I do think it was made more enjoyable by the fact that I saw it in a theatre full of people who were into the whole cheesiness aspect of it and felt free to yell things at the screen.
I’d say that if you are going to rent it (or see it in a theatre, if possible), make sure there’s a bunch of people with you who enjoy giving movies an MST3K treatment.