HC Reviews

Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem

Steven Pasquale ... Dallas
Reiko Aylesworth ... Kelly
John Ortiz ... Morales
Johnny Lewis ... Ricky
Ariel Gade ... Molly
Kristen Hager ... Jesse
Sam Trammell ... Tim
Robert Joy ... Col. Stevens
David Paetkau ... Dale
Tom Woodruff Jr. ... Alien
Ian Whyte ... Predator

Overall, it is what it is: a big budget sci-fi alien gorefest. For your viewing pleasure. At Christmas. Make of that what you will. Some cool fight scenes between the main Alien and Predator and one death in particular was a big "oh shit!" (as in "oh shit, they did not just kill that person in that way!") moment for me, but otherwise, a fairly decent movie. Could totally wait for DVD (might be worth it just to see if there are any good extras stuff).

National Treasure: The Book Of Secrets

Nicolas Cage ... Ben Gates
Justin Bartha ... Riley Poole
Diane Kruger ... Abigail Chase
Jon Voight ... Patrick Gates
Helen Mirren ... Emily Appleton
Ed Harris ... Mitch Wilkinson
Harvey Keitel ... Sadusky
Bruce Greenwood ... The President

A fun family oriented action flick from Disney that brings back the original good guys from the first movie and gives us a new "bad guy" (alas, no Sean Bean this time around for me). Ben Gates tries to clear his great great great grandfather's name (I think that's the right amount of greats; it's his dad's grandfather's father) and his search leads him to try and find the fabled Book of Secrets. Conspiracy theories, puzzles, and underground passageways all make for an exciting adventure. You kind of have to turn your brain off a bit when it comes to the US History parts because the filmmaker's have taken some liberties but enjoyable nonetheless. It's very much an "Indian Jones" type genre for this new generation. Could wait for DVD but should definitely see it.

Simpsons Movie, The

I'm not sure what it says about a movie that was funny but didn't make me laugh out loud.

But, it was a decent movie. Great animation, good storyline, good gags (both sight and verbal).

However, I think I was more excited by the fact that several 7-11s turned into Kwik-E-Marts for the movie's promotion that I was the actual movie.

Bottom line, okay to see on the big screen during a matinee but could wait until DVD if you felt like it.

Spiderman 3

Tobey Maguire ... Spider-Man/Peter Parker
Kirsten Dunst ... Mary Jane Watson
James Franco ... New Goblin/Harry Osborn
Thomas Haden Church ... Sandman/Flint Marko
Topher Grace ... Venom/Eddie Brock
Bryce Dallas Howard ... Gwen Stacy
Rosemary Harris ... May Parker
J.K. Simmons ... J. Jonah Jameson
James Cromwell ... Captain Stacy
Theresa Russell ... Emma Marko
Dylan Baker ... Dr. Curt Connors
Bill Nunn ... Joseph 'Robbie' Robertson
Bruce Campbell ... Maître d’
Elizabeth Banks ... Miss Brant
Ted Raimi ... Hoffman

I know I'll be in the minority on this but I really didn't like this movie.

I felt it was too long and it had way too many storylines and villians. It's hard to get invested in any character when all you see of that person is about 10 minutes of screen time.

I think this movie is a good example of what happens when you let producers and the people holding the money bag influence what you do. I know this movie made a lot of money but that's not because it was a good movie. It's because it really was the only big action blockbuster that came out at the time and people were eagerly anticipating the release since the first 2 movies were pretty decent. I just think this movie would've benefitted from having a least one villian chopped out and saved for the next movie.

If you haven't seen it in the theater already, don't bother. Just rent it and enjoy it at home without the 800 ADD kids kicking your seat.

Next

Nicolas Cage ... Cris Johnson
Jessica Biel ... Liz
Julianne Moore ... Callie Ferris

The only 2 things saving this movie from getting all pitchforks are the fact that the special effects are pretty decent and Jessica Biel is hot.

**This review will have spoilers in it**

Look, I like Philip K. Dick short stories as much as the next person and I didn't even mind some of the films that were made based off his short stories (Impostor, Paycheck, Minority Report (despite crazy tom cruise being the star), even Total Recall). I've never read this particular short story though.

The basic plot is that Cris Johnson is a Las Vegas magician who makes a modest living. He gambles though and his winnings have made the FBI aware of him. The problem isn't that he wins too much; it's that he wins the bare minimum every time and statistically, that isn't possible. One FBI agent thinks he can see the future and she wants his help spotting a nuclear device that the Russians have.

Sounds straight forward enough, yes? The problem is that he can only see 2 minutes in to the future and the FBI agent knows this. So I'm unclear as to exactly how she thinks he can be at all helpful.

The other problem is that the Russians know about him too and are out to eliminate him. Except we never find out how they know and why they want him dead.

The movie is going along at a fairly good clip and it's mildly entertaining until the end and then it suffers from what I call the Pam Ewing Effect™ (or PEE, for short). Pam Ewing was a character on an American nighttime soap called Dallas. During one of the seasons, a lot of shit happened and one of the things was that her husband, the very popular character of Bobby Ewing, died. Fans were outraged and so in typical soap fashion, TPTB brought him back to life for the next season. How, you ask? Why, they made the whole past season a dream Pam Ewing had. A DREAM!

There are clues throughout the movie that foreshadow the ending but the problem is that the majority of them happen during the part that you find out later is all a dream. If it's all a dream, how can you foreshadow during the dream?

I was all set to forgive the PEE™ had the movie maybe continued on and answered some questions (perhaps about the Russians or about why Cris can see further into the future when Liz is in his life) but it doesn't. It just ends with Cris riding off with the FBI agent and telling Liz he'll find her again.

Are you freakin' kidding me?! I was set to give the movie a 6 out of 10 until the PEE™ and then it dropped to a 4 out of 10 and then when I didn't get more of an ending, it dropped to a 3 out of 10.

I wouldn't even bother with this movie on DVD unless you really don't have anything better to do.

Take The Lead DVD

Antonio Banderas .... Pierre Dulaine
Rob Brown .... Rock
Yaya DaCosta .... LaRhette
Alfre Woodard .... Principal Augustine James
Dante Basco .... Ramos
John Ortiz .... Joe Temple
Laura Benanti .... Tina
Marcus T. Paulk .... Eddie
Jenna Dewan .... Sasha
Jonathan Malen .... Kurd
Jasika Nicole .... Egypt
Shawand Mckenzie .... Big Girl
Elijah Kelley .... Danjou
Brandon D. Andrews .... Monster
Lauren Collins .... Caitlin
Katya Virshilas .... Morgan

Nice little extra feature on the real Pierre Dulaine, plus the kids who were the Dungeon Kids in the movie.

The movie is one of those "based on a true story" films in which a person believes in down-on-their-luck kids and inspires them to want to better their lives. So it's pretty predictable. And of course, the ending is very contrived. And the movie does everything to make you believe that Pierre Dulaine isn't gay (and you know, maybe he isn't, but that's not the vibe I get).

Good for a rental on a day/night you want to see a feel-good story.

Little Miss Sunshine

Abigail Breslin .... Olive Hoover
Greg Kinnear .... Richard Hoover
Paul Dano .... Dwayne Hoover
Alan Arkin .... Grandpa Edwin Hoover
Toni Collette .... Sheryl Hoover
Steve Carell .... Frank Ginsburg

Wait for this on video or go see it with a "free movie" pass. It's a decent movie but not worth full price or matinee.

There are laugh out loud funny parts to it but overall, the humor in it is more ironic than actual "ha-ha" funny. If you like movies similar in style to those done by Wes Anderson, then you'll probably enjoy this movie.

The acting is superb. Each character evolves throughout the movie in a way that makes sense and isn't a movie contrivance.

The theme of the movie is a good one as well. Be yourself, don't live your life on other's people's terms.

Snakes On A Plane

Samuel L. Jackson .... Nelville Flynn
Nathan Phillips .... Sean Jones

Julianna Margulies .... Claire Miller
Lin Shaye .... Grace
Bruce James .... Ken
Sunny Mabrey .... Tiffany
Tom Butler .... Captain Sam McKeon
David Koechner .... Rick

Rachel Blanchard .... Mercedes
Flex Alexander .... Three G's
Kenan Thompson .... Troy
Keith Dallas .... Big Leroy (as Keith "Blackman" Dallas)
Casey Dubois .... Curtis
Daniel Hogarth .... Tommy
Terry Chen .... Chen Leong
Elsa Pataky .... Maria
Gerard Plunkett .... Paul

Bobby Cannavale .... Hank Harris
Todd Louiso .... Dr. Steven Price

Byron Lawson .... Eddie Kim

This is a fun and entertaining movie.

It's a pretty standard action/creature flick. It's got your creature (the snakes, duh), a pretty thin reason for the creatures being where they are (a gangster tries to kill the witness to a crime he committed by loading a plane full of poisonous snakes; who in the what now? seriously, that's your way of killing off a witness? you're a pretty weak gangster if that's your best idea), and an ensemble cast that includes the standard character clichés (the tough FBI agent, the plucky heroine who's off to bigger and better things so this was to be her last day on the job, the couple who has sex, the arrogant jerk who gets what's coming to him, the arrogant guy who has a change of heart in the face of adversity, the comic relief black guy, the woman with a baby, 2 cute kids, etc.). I mean, yeah, the acting's not superb, the plot's fairly thin, and the snakes are obviously CGI'd (some of them anyways). But this movie is what it is: end of summer popcorn fare.

So go to the movie theater next weekend (preferably a matinee) and see this movie (preferably with a theater full of people who have a good sense of humor). And trust me when I tell you that this is NOT a rental movie. I mean, it could be, but only after you've seen it in the theater.

Mad Hot Ballroom

I don't know why I'm such a sucker for documentaries about kids facing insurmountable odds, but I am. So y'all know I just fell in love with this documentary about kids and ballroom dancing. The documentary follows around several kids from 4 different school systems in NYC as they participate in the mandatory ballroom dancing class and the subsequent dance championship.

The majority of the kids are from lower income families and this film captures their feelings on a range of things, from how they feel about members of the opposite sex to what they want to do when they grow up. The kids don't really mug for the camera (except sometimes when they're dancing) and even when there are interviews with the kids, it almost feels as if you're just a friend hanging out with them instead of an interview. And you just fall in love with all these kids and their quirky personalities.

The main problem I have with the DVD is that there are no extras. No interviews with the filmmakers, family members, or Pierre Dulaine (who started the dance in schools movement; the movie Take the Lead is based on this). No extended or deleted scenes. No extra dance numbers.

But the overall film is cute and heartwarming. Check it out when you get a chance.

Ice Age: The Meltdown

Ray Romano .... Manny (voice)
John Leguizamo .... Sid (voice)
Denis Leary .... Diego (voice)
Seann William Scott .... Crash (voice)
Josh Peck .... Eddie (voice)
Queen Latifah .... Ellie (voice)
Will Arnett .... Lone Gunslinger Vulture (voice)
Jay Leno .... Fast Tony (voice)
Chris Wedge .... Scrat (voice)

Lots of laughs. Some tears. Good action sequences (although nothing as cool as the ice slide from the first movie). Great comraderie between the characters. 2 very funny musical sequences. It's a little bit darker in tone than the first one and the Big Bads are kinda scary but overall it's a nice family film. Definitely worth the $8 matinee price.

Matrix Revolutions

I normally like to give constructive reviews, outlining the good and bad (if applicable) points of each movie before giving their halo rating.

However...

...having taken years to finally see Matrix Revolutions, I am not surprised that my intuition advised me to hold off spending any money on it.

I am disappointed.

Now for my non-constructive review of Matrix Revolutions. Follow me....
Possible spoilers

It was shite shite shite.

Where was the fighting? What in the world is the computer world doing brokering a deal w/ Neo? They're just going to give up the earthlings? Did I understand that correctly?

And all this stuff about the poor Oracle having changed bodies. She didn't manage to change into a body that was much younger and prettier? That's what I would have done.

I am no longer surprised that I waited this long to see this movie. There's tons more reasons I could give for why I disliked it, but it's just futile. I've made up my mind.

Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit DVD

Peter Sallis .... Wallace/Hutch (voice)
Ralph Fiennes .... Victor Quartermaine (voice)
Helena Bonham Carter .... Lady Campanula Tottington (voice)
Peter Kay .... PC Mackintosh (voice)
Nicholas Smith .... Reverend Clement Hedges (voice)

I love Wallace and Gromit. Wallace is so smart technologically but so dumb when it comes to real life (not unlike my father sometimes) and Gromit is his long suffering companion who goes along for the ride. I've seen the W&G shorts, Creature Comforts, and Chicken Run, all of which I've enjoyed. And I enjoyed this movie too, but not as much as I thought I would.

It had some cute moments and some funny sight gags but overall, I felt it was too long (and it was only 85 minutes!). It took a bit to get the movie started and ended but there was a lot of action in between.

Extras: commentary by the directors which was entertaining, a making of featurette, and deleted/alternate scenes.

Good to rent and watch with the family.

Sky High DVD

Michael Angarano .... Will Stronghold
Kurt Russell .... Steve Stronghold/The Commander
Kelly Preston .... Josie Stronghold/Jetstream

Danielle Panabaker .... Layla
Dee Jay Daniels .... Ethan
Kelly Vitz .... Magenta
Nicholas Braun .... Zach
Steven Strait .... Warren Peace

Malika & Khadijah .... Penny
Jake Sandvig .... Lash
Will Harris .... Speed
Mary Elizabeth Winstead .... Gwen
Jim Rash .... Mr. Grayson/Stitches

Lynda Carter .... Principal Powers
Bruce Campbell .... Coach Boomer
Cloris Leachman .... Nurse Spex
Kevin Heffernan .... Ron Wilson - Bus Driver
Dave Foley .... Mr. Boy
Kevin McDonald .... Mr. Medulla

Every once in a while, Disney comes out with an original movie that is smart, well-acted, funny, and cute. This is that movie.

Seriously, y'all. When this movie first came out, I didn't even give it two thoughts because it was a Disney movie and the trailers made it look like that drek Disney's been pumping out lately. Then I started hearing good buzz about it but I still wasn't going to see it in the theatre because no way was I going to be around that many kids. What got me to put in my Netflix queue was the IMDB boards chatter. Very few people disliked it (of course, there are always the trolls who have to be contradictory just because and naturally, there are going to be people who don't like a movie even if you love it) and there was a lot of pleasant stuff said about it.

Acting:
Strong performances from all the kids. Usually Disney kids are cloying sweet or obnoxiously perky or cartoonishly buffonish. And while there are some stereotypes, most of the kids manage to make the character their own and rise above the single trait that defines them.
The adults are excellent. Kurt Russell (a Disney movie alum) and Kelly Preston are great as the superhero duo and parents. Kurt's character is almost a typical dad in that he just wants his son to take over the family business, as it were, but realizes in the end that what he really wants is for his kid to be happy.
However, the real chuckle comes from the supporting teachers/adults. Bruce Campbell as Boomer is genius casting (because he's got such a recognizable voice). Dave Foley and Kevin McDonald (of Kids in the Hall Fame really shine in their respective roles. I'm not sure if it was done intentionally, but making Dave Foley's character be All American Boy is slightly ironic, considering he's Canadian (and to me, clearly sounds Canadian but that could be simply because I know he is).

Special Effects:
There are a lot of CGI elements in this film which, given that it's about superheroes and a High School in the sky, makes sense. There's also a lot of wire work and stunt work. Because the movie makers used wired stunts (which made it a bit safer), a lot of the kids did their own stunts and I think that makes a bit of a difference because there aren't a lot of cutaways so you can stay on the action longer. And the stunts and special effects were pretty cool. Especially the kid who could make fire.

Plot/Theme:
The plot is simple enough. 2 superhero parents are sending their son to their alma mater high school (named Sky High because it's in the sky) but the son is reluctant to tell them that he hasn't inherited any of their superpowers. He ends up being classified as a sidekick (or Hero Support) because of his lack of powers which he is dreading telling his parents. And to top it all off, he has to deal with an archnemisis and bullies.
What I really liked though were the themes that permeated the movie: the idea that everyone's got their own unique "power" and a cooler power doesn't necessarily make someone a Hero and someone else with a not so cool power a Sidekick; the idea that parents and kids should have an honest relationship with each other; and the idea that sometimes high school is hell, regardless of what power you have or don't have.

Extras on the DVD:
An unfunny blooper reel, a bunch of deleted/alternative scenes, a behind the scenes/making of (which was quite funny, especially when the director and producer were talking about the kissing scenes and the rules for the kids about how no one was allowed to hook up on set), a featurette on the stunt work (very informative), and a music video for one of the songs on the soundtrack (Bowling for Soup doing a cover of I Melt With You).

How could I not love a movie with modern versions of 80s songs?!

Overall, definitely worth a rental and a movie you can watch with your kids (or younger siblings or nieces/nephews).

Underworld: Evolution

Kate Beckinsale .... Selene
Scott Speedman .... Michael Corvin

Tony Curran .... Marcus
Derek Jacobi .... Corvinus (as Sir Derek Jacobi)
Bill Nighy .... Viktor
Steven Mackintosh .... Tanis
Shane Brolly .... Kraven
Brian Steele .... William
Zita Görög .... Amelia
Scott McElroy .... Soren
John Mann .... Samuel
Michael Sheen .... Lucian
Sophia Myles .... Erika
Richard Cetrone .... Pierce (as Rich Cetrone)
Mike Mukatis .... Taylor

Did you see Underworld way back in 2003? If not, don't worry. Underworld: Evolution has enough back story dialogue and flashbacks so that you don't miss anything.

So don't let the fact that this is a sequel (in fact, it takes place pretty much the next day after the events in the first movie) stop you from going to see this movie.

This was a pretty kick ass movie. And by that I mean, it was a lot of action. Tons of fighting and action. Tons of body parts being ripped off and away and lots of blood. But it was all good and not boring (there's one scene that just blows everything out of the water!).

The special effects and stunts were great. It was very difficult to tell what was CGI versus real.

The acting was somewhat over the top in parts but you sort of expect that and it works coming from the characters because of what kind of creatures they are. Plus, the characters were pretty much the same. Selene was still an ass-kicking woman with a bit of a soft side. Michael was still a good guy who didn't lose his wits (a scene with sunlight shows that off perfectly). Viktor was still the Lycan bigot he was in the first movie (of course, he was shown in flashback and "prequel" mode so obviously he couldn't change).

The only reason I'm not giving this 5 halos is because it brought up 2 questions from me that never got answered (although, to be fair, I don't think one of the questions really matters to the filmmaker).
1) Where the heck was this supposed to take place? In the first movie, you think it's somewhere in the US because Michael is obviously an American (no accent) and he's a doctor-in-training. But then based on the police, you think maybe it's set somewhere in Canada. That would expain the non-English accents for some of the characters but would explain the European feel of the police and the accents of some of the other characters. But in this movie, there are at least 3 different languages going on and Selene and Michael haven't left the country.
2) Well, this one might be a spoiler so [spoiler start]How exactly is Corvinus an Immortal? He's not a Vamp or a Lycan, so what is he?[spoiler end]

To me, this was a better movie than the first one and I liked the first one.
Anyways, go see this movie in the theatre (because I think it's spectacular when seen on the big screen in all its glorious goriness).

Bionicle 3: Web of Shadows

Almost a year ago, I watched the 2nd Bionicle movie and reviewed it. I had read that there were only going to be the 2 movies. Imagine my surprise when I get a recommendation on my Netflix account for a 3rd movie. As I liked the first 2, I put the 3rd movie in my queue and waited for it.

This movie is pretty much the same as the other two in terms of theme. Unity, duty, and destiny are what the Toa strive for. Plot wise, it has gotten more complex and the animation has definitely improved. However, this movie really doesn't stand alone. Maybe because it's a sequel to a prequel and so the writers/animators/directors were boxed in by what had already happened in the other films which detail the past and future.

Still, it's worth a rental if you've seen the other movies.

Into The Blue DVD

Paul Walker .... Jared
Jessica Alba .... Sam
Scott Caan .... Bryce
Ashley Scott .... Amanda
Javon Frazer .... Danny

Josh Brolin .... Bates
James Frain .... Reyes
Tyson Beckford .... Primo
Dwayne Adway .... Roy

During an interview with her in the Behind the Scenes featurette on the DVD, Jessica Alba calls this a "Chick Flick." I do believe she's confused. Chick Flick implies that the female is the center of the story and the heroine. This movie is a Guy Flick: lots of action and lots of pretty girls in bikinis. Plot and characterization be damned.

The 4 main leads were all pretty to look at but Paul Walker's acting style is so leaden it almost hurts to watch. There's no real chemistry between any of the leads so it's hard to understand why they're friends (or lovers as the case may be) and you get almost no background on anyone so you have no idea why they act the way they do (especially the Amanda character).

I gave it 3 halos because some of the action scenes were original and took place underwater. I'm betting that a lot of the underwater scenes probably looked awesome on the big screen but there's no way I would've paid $8-$10 to see this movie in a theatre.

The DVD has 3 featurettes by way of Special Features. A Behind the Scenes look, Deleted Scenese (tons!), and Screen Tests.

Purifiers, The

Kevin McKidd .... Moses
Gordon Alexander .... John
Rachel Grant .... Li
Dominic Monaghan .... Sol
Amber Sainsbury .... Frances
Robyn Kerr .... Sam
Jaime Cho .... Raz

Think The Warriors with martial arts and that's what you'll get with this film. In the indeterminite future, The City (it's not clear which city it is) is run at night by karate clubs who have divided it up into territories. While the other clubs have gotten into illegal stuff, John and his Purifiers roam their territories as good guy vigilantes. When the Big Boss, Moses, calls a meeting of all the clubs to discuss banding together and being one big "conglomerate," the Purifiers decide not to join. Thus begins the problems. Moses won't take no for an answer and he sends the other clubs after the Purifiers.

Be thankful that this is a short movie (coming in at 1 hr 15 min) because if was any longer it would be unbearable. As it is, it's slightly uncomfortable to watch. The acting is pretty much what you'd expect from a low budget, direct to video martial arts movie.

The director is in love with slow motion shots so there are A LOT of those throughout this movie. Shots of club members fighting in slow motion, shots of people walking in slow motion, shots of people running in slow motion. I'm convince that if more of the movie were in real time, it would be even shorter than 85 minutes.

The only things saving this from getting a lower rating are the pretty people and the fight scenes. Even when they've been fighting and getting beat up and all bloody, all the people in the clubs still manage to look pretty. I guess the future works that way. The fight scenes are all nicely choreographed and you don't even have to worry about slowing down a certain move to see how it's been done because the director did that for you already (LOVES the slo-mo!!).

Overall, I'd say don't bother with a rental unless you're really, really bored.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe

Georgie Henley .... Lucy Pevensie
Skandar Keynes .... Edmund Pevensie
William Moseley .... Peter Pevensie
Anna Popplewell .... Susan Pevensie

Liam Neeson .... Aslan (voice)
Tilda Swinton .... White Witch

James McAvoy .... Mr. Tumnus
Ray Winstone .... Mr. Beaver (voice)
Dawn French .... Mrs. Beaver (voice)

Jim Broadbent .... Professor Kirke
Elizabeth Hawthorne .... Mrs. MacReady

People are, naturally, comparing the movie to the book. I haven’t read the book in over 20 years so I really can’t go there. There were people in the theatre who were (self proclaimed) Narnia experts. I heard them afterwards stating that they were very happy with the movie because they felt it faithfully followed the books and that, while they wished certain lines from the books had been included, overall, they were happy.

People will also compare this movie to Lord of the Rings. And how can you not? The majority of the movie was filmed in New Zealand, the director is from New Zealand, some of the same actors/stunt people were in the movie, and WETA did the creature effects and armor. Not to mention the fact that CS Lewis and Tolkien were literary companions and good friends so there are bound to be influences.

And of course, the majority of people are also talking about the Christian themes that are weaved throughout the movie. CS Lewis was a born again Christian (I hate to use that term because it makes him sound fanatical) so his stories all have some element of his faith in them. Yes, the Narnia series is allegorical, but they’re still good books. And it goes without saying that the movie will have those elements in them. There are a number of movies out there that all have the same themes of forgiveness, redemption, friendship, and Christ-like figures in them (the Star Wars saga comes to mind).

Now, with all that out of the way, I can move on to what I actually thought of the movie.

Special Effects:
Overall, the effects were fine. I think that a certain amount of wonder has gone out of the CGI these days because people are so used to it. When you see a big battle scene these days, you know that part or all of it is CGI and while you do get a sense of excitement of the battle, part of you knows that it’s not real and it takes away from your enjoyment a bit. However, the CGI was done beautifully in the battle sequences and for some of the animals. There were a couple of non battle scenes that you could tell were CGI and not done well, but I don’t think it marred the movie.

Acting:
The 4 children were excellent (and if you ever saw the BBC version of LW&W, by comparison, these kids should be getting Oscars), especially Lucy and Edmund. My only complaint about the characterization of Lucy was that they didn’t set her up enough as the kid who had a great imagination. I mean, the other siblings make mention of it when they’re in the country and they tell the professor that they don’t believe her, but I felt that Lucy wasn’t really fleshed out as a teller of tall tales so that there was more weight to the other children’s disbelief of Lucy. You basically don’t get any sense of Lucy until she steps through the wardrobe. And whoever cast the older Peter, Susan, Lucy, and Edmund did a spot on job for Peter and Lucy. Older Peter pretty much looked like younger Peter, with facial hair and longer hair. Interestingly enough, older Lucy was played by the older sister of younger Lucy.
Tilda Swinton was excellent as the White Witch. She was very convincing as an evil woman who will do whatever she needs to get whatever she wants. So much so that it was almost difficult to figure out why it was so easy to lure Edmund over to her side.
I didn’t realize until the credits that Liam Neeson did the voice of Aslan. He did such a great job of drawing me into the character and not have me thinking “oh, it’s Liam Neeson.”

Plot/Storyline:
No holes as far as I could tell. And the pacing went along fairly decently although the movie did feel longer than its 2 hours 12 minute run time.

Summation:
Decent acting, decent special effects, good plot/storyline. I felt that the PG rating was a little low, especially for the amount of scariness and killing that was in the movie. Definitely worth full price to see it on the big screen.

Walk The Line

This is the story of one of country music's greatest artists, the Man In Black, Johnny Cash. It takes us from his childhood on a cotton farm, where he learns to love music from his hymn-singing mother, to his rise to fame on a small record label and subsequent drug addiction and finishes with his love affair with June Carter.
It's well worth mentioning that Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon both sing all their own vocals in the film and a great job they do as well. Phoenix has all of Cash's mannerisms down pat and I'd be surprised if he's not nominated for the Oscar for this performance. The musical parts of the film are very enjoyable, particularly the famous live recording at Folsom Prison.
A fitting tribute to one of the greats who is sadly missed. Highly recommended.

Aeon Flux

Charlize Theron .... Aeon Flux
Marton Csokas .... Trevor Goodchild
Jonny Lee Miller .... Oren Goodchild
Sophie Okonedo .... Sithandra
Frances McDormand .... Handler
Pete Postlethwaite .... Keeper
Amelia Warner .... Una Flux
Caroline Chikezie .... Freya


If you're expecting this movie to be action packed from start to finish, you'll be disappointed. There's actually a decent plot in this film and while there is enough action to keep a person occupied, it's not over the top.

The special effects are, as expected for a semi-SciFi movie, good. Not too over the top but not your ordinary gunfire and explosion stuff.

Performances are pretty standard for an animated to live action film. No one's going to win an Oscar for his or her performance, but no one was outright horrible. And, thankfully, no one was over the top cartoon-y villianous.

My only nitpick that I can state without spoiling the movie? I wish they had made Trevor Goodchild a blonde, like he is in the animated shorts. The blondness serves a purpose and is a foil for Aeon.

Overall, I'd say you'll want to see it on the big screen, but do it at matinee prices.

Broken Flowers

Bill Murray seems to be back in fashion these days. God knows why. Yeah, Lost In Translation was a good movie but he doesn't seem to be capable of playing anyone else but that character - the older man who doesn't know what he wants and who is emotionally disconnected from life. It's just boring now. And boring is what this film is.
Murray plays Don whose latest flame has just walked out on him. The same day, he gets an annoymous letter from an ex, telling him he has a son. His amateur detective Ethiopian neighbour (played by the always brilliant Jeffrey Wright) comes up with a plan to find out who wrote the letter and sends Don on a trip to visit the 4 possibilities (played by Sharon Stone, Jessica Lange, Tilda Swinton and Frances Conroy). What follows is a series of awkward encounters, frequently uncomfortable to watch.
My main problem with the film is that it takes too long to say very little. You can't understand how so many women would fall for Don, nor is there any resolution to the story. Very disappointing.

A History Of Violence

This has been called the best David Cronenberg film in a long time. Whilst I disagree with that statement (I think Spider was superb), this is very good film indeed.
Viggo Mortensen plays Tom Stall, a family man living in a small town who runs the local diner. Maria Bello plays wife and he has a teenage son and a young daughter. The family is so sickly perfect that you know something bad is going to happen. The daughter has a nightmare and everybody comes in to comfort her, even her big brother who you would expect to be more pissed off at being woken up than supportive. The couple are still very much in love and have a healthy sex life which, after so many years of marriage, isn't always the case.
The ball is set rolling when 2 bad guys hold up Tom's diner one night. He kills both of them in an expert manner, suggesting he's done that kind of thing before. He is hailed as a hero and is on every news channel. Then another bad guy (Ed Harris) shows up, this time it's the mob from Philadelphia. He think Tom is Joey Cusack, a gangster who tried to rip out his eye with barbed wire. He frightens the family and causes them to question Tom's identity - "Why don't you ask Tom how come he's so good at killing people ?".
It's a good thriller with plenty of twists and turns with good performances from everybody (except William Hurt who hams it up a little too much). It's also quite funny in parts. My only complaint is that the violence is a little too gory for my tastes but what else can you expect with the title of the film ? Highly recommended.

Transporter 2, The

Jason Statham .... Frank Martin

Amber Valletta .... Audrey Billings
Matthew Modine .... Mr. Billings
Hunter Clary .... Jack Billings

Alessandro Gassman .... Gianni
Kate Nauta .... Lola
Jason Flemyng .... Dimitri

Keith David .... Stappleton
François Berléand .... Tarconi

First of all, let me just put it out there that you shouldn't watch this movie and then get behind the wheel of a car. Because you might find yourself, hypothetically speaking, driving a bit too fast, weaving in and out of traffic, maybe even taking a right turn a little too fast and sharp.

Okay. Onto the movie.

This is an action movie. Pure, unadulterated action. Lots of car chases (obviously), lots of fight scenes, very little plot or character development. I mean, there is a plot but it's kind of ridiculous. And the characters are very one dimensional, even the lead character.

But if you want kick ass fight scenes and gnarly car chases, then this is your movie.

This movie is also one big advertisement. Audi, Hummer, Comcast, iPod, Nokia, Heineken, you can't miss the product placement.

Overall, I'd say see the movie on the big screen if you can simply because the action scenes would be killer, but you could just as easily enjoy it on DVD.

The Dukes of Hazzard

Luke Duke - Johnny Knoxville
Bo Duke - Seann William Scott
Daisy Duke - Jessica Simpson
Uncle Jesse - Willy Nelson
Boss Hogg - Burt Reynolds

Well, it may not be the most intellectual of movies, but it's still fun. I walked into this movie expecting to hate it. Yes, I know I shouldn't do that, but Dukes of Hazzard was a large part of my growing up, and a lot of the show depicted life in my own neck of the woods.

So, the first thing I did was nit-pick. Daisy would never do that, Bo would never do this, blah blah blah, the General Lee isn't supposed to have doors that open, and where the hell is the flag on the top?

But then, after you get past the nit-picking point, and accept the fact that the movie is going to be different (a little or a lot) from the TV show you knew and loved as a child, you can let yourself go and just enjoy the flight of fancy.

I mean, literally, nothing makes sense. Well, it does, when you immerse yourself in the county of Hazzard. Who do you go to when you suspect the law is up to no good? If you're the Duke Boys, you don't go to no one. You just terrorize, break up, beat down, peel out, punch out, steal, drag, kick, shovel and tow just about anything you can to get to the truth.

Ah, if only life were that simple. And lucky.

The Duke boys certainly do have their luck cut out for them, and to their credit (and to the credit of the writers), they're always lucky. It gets a bit annoying in some places where you think, 'Oh, that couldn't happen. Please.'

But mostly, if you can just let go of logic, you'll like this film.

Some pitchfork points:

• Technically speaking, the chase scenes were a bit hard to follow. There was a lot of on the ground action, which leads to shakey camera work, lots of dust coverage, and leaves you with an almost sick feeling, and a wondering where the hell the General Lee went.

• Bo Duke is dumb as a post in this movie. I don't recall him being so stupid before, and I was a little disappointed. He also had a love affair with the General Lee that was taken a bit too far.
  'I'll make love to it (the General Lee)'
  'you mean in it.'
  'No...I mean to it.'

  Considering that the General Lee is a car, and also supposedly a 'male'; yeah. ew.

• Jessica Simpson as Daisy Duke. Need I say more?
  

Starting with a 5 halo rating and subtracting the pitchfork points, I would give this movie a rating of:

Just try to enjoy.

March of the Penguins

Rated G

This documentary, narrated by Morgan Freeman for the US version, follows the tribes of Emperor penguins in Antarctica, as they leave their ocean homes to walk to their breeding grounds. It shows the harsh conditions the penguins must try to survive in order to have and keep alive their one baby.

First of all, I just have to say. Baby penguins? Are the CUTEST. THINGS. EVER!

Cinematography is excellent. There were times during the movie I was thinking, "How the hell did they get that shot?" (the end credits provide some of the answers). Everything is very black and white (naturally) so when other colors manage to show up, they pop.

Music and narration were excellent as well. Morgan Freeman has a really nice deep timbre that strikes the right balance.

It was nice to see it on the big screen, but you could wait until the movie comes out on DVD.

If you ever saw Winged Migration, you'll probably enjoy this movie as well.

Stealth

Josh Lucas .... Lt. Ben Gannon
Jessica Biel .... Kara Wade
Jamie Foxx .... Henry Purcell
Sam Shepard .... Capt. George Cummings
Richard Roxburgh .... Keith Orbit
Joe Morton .... Capt. Dick Marshfield

Every review I read of this film said it sucked big time. Major suckitude. However, that didn't stop me from wanting to see it. Based on the trailers, I wasn't expecting anything but an action fueled summer popcorn movie and I wasn't disappointed (I feel like I've said that about another movie this summer).

Heavy on action and special effects, this movie doesn't disappoint in those areas. There's a lot of zooming around in planes (very Top Gun-esque) and some amazing fight sequences. Lots of stuff gets blown up. I saw in a behind the scenes interview that one of the explosions was planned to be so big the filmmakers had to register it with NASA so that the countries with satellites in orbit would be warned because you'd be able to see the explosion from space. There's one explosion in particular (not the seen from space one though) that literally took my breath away when it happened.

The plot is pretty skimpy. The acting is less than great, which is sad because you've got some pretty great actors (Sam Shephard, Joe Morton, hell even Jamie Foxx). There are also some moments where it is pretty impossible to suspend your disbelief and quite a few times I actually said "WTF?!" out loud (luckily, I was only 1 of about 10 people in the theatre and the sound was loud enough that I don't think anyone heard me; at least, I hope they didn't).

I'd say wait for this to come out on DVD or see it if it hits a discount theatre. I'm not sure its worth matinee prices, considering there's not much difference between matinee and full price anymore.

I'm putting a spoiler below the cut so only read it if you don't care.

There was one scene that I didn't see coming and I really should have.
[spoiler]
Jamie Foxx's character, Henry, is pretty much the one person in favor of the AI fighter plane. He feels that it's better to send a machine into combat rather than him, that way he can make it home for Thanksgiving. There are several scenes in which he waxes poetic about the beauty of the Earth versus being up in a fighter plane and killing people. That should've been my big clue right there, but when Henry dies fighting EDI, I was shocked. I believe I might have even audibly gasped. [end spoiler]

The Island

Ewan McGregor .... Lincoln Six Echo/Tom Lincoln
Scarlett Johansson .... Jordan Two Delta/Sarah Jordan
Sean Bean .... Merrick
Steve Buscemi .... McCord
Djimon Hounsou .... Albert Laurent
Michael Clarke Duncan .... Starkweather
Ethan Phillips .... Jones Three Echo
Brian Stepanek .... Gandu Three Alpha

An summer popcorn action adventure flick that makes you think? Oh yes. That's what The Island is.

Ewan McGreggor plays Lincoln Six Echo, a resident of a facilty of "survivors of a global contamination." The survivors live peacefully and await the results of a lottery that will allow them to leave the facility and go to The Island, which they believe to be the last uncontaminated place on Earth. Lincoln, however, starts to question his existence and evenutally he breaks out of the facility (with Jordan Two Delta) and discovers the truth: that all the "survivors" are really clones.

The rest of the film finds Lincoln and Jordan running for their lives from a man (Djimon Hounsou) hired by the facility owner (Sean Bean).

This is where the action kicks in! Spectacular chase scenes abound in this film. Massive action sequences that kick you in the gut!

And then, as Lincoln and Jordan start to learn more about themselves, so does the audience. This is the thinking part. Are clones alive? Is it right to pay money to have a clone so that you can harvest them for parts?

The acting all around was excellent. Ewan does well in his double role, Bean is menacing as the facility owner who's just trying to save his business, and Steve Buscemi provides some nice comic relief.

I did have a few issues with the film, some of which are semi-spoilers, so I won't be specific but they deal with suspension of disbelief. However, my main issue deals with point of view. This movie does paint a sympathetic picture towards the clones, and somewhat makes the "sponsor" (the person who pays to have a clone of him/herself) and the facility out to be the bad guys. It doesn't present equal points of view from both sides. I guess that wouldn't make for a gripping movie if you weren't sympathetic towards Lincoln and Jordan.

A great action/adventure flick and one that makes you question things. Definitely a must see.

Charlie And The Chocolate Factory

Johnny Depp .... Willy Wonka
Deep Roy .... Oompa Loompa

Freddie Highmore .... Charlie Bucket
David Kelly .... Grandpa Joe
Annasophia Robb .... Violet Beauregarde
Missi Pyle .... Mrs. Beauregarde
Julia Winter .... Veruca Salt
James Fox .... Mr. Salt
Jordan Fry .... Mike Teavee
Adam Godley .... Mr. Teavee
Philip Wiegratz .... Augustus Gloop
Franziska Troegner .... Mrs. Gloop

Helena Bonham Carter .... Mrs. Bucket
Noah Taylor .... Mr. Bucket
Liz Smith .... Grandma Georgina
Eileen Essell .... Grandma Josephine
David Morris .... Grandpa George

Christopher Lee .... Dr. Wonka
Blair Dunlop .... Little Willy Wonka

What a stunningly beautiful film! Totally worth the price of a full admission plus parking plus snacks and drinks!

I remember having this book read to my class in grade school (what grade I was in escapes me at this moment though) but it was such a long time ago so I was able to just sit back and not compare the two. However, during the movie, I kept thinking "Oh yeah. I forgot that happened that way in the book." I did find myself sometimes comparing the Gene Wilder movie version though and had to remind myself to stop.

Visually stunning. The colors pop and some of the sets are surreal. It's almost overwhelming. The colors are so bright, it's somewhat over stimulating. But I think it needs to be in order to draw you into a world that's real but not real.

Johnny Depp is superb. His version of Willy Wonka makes you feel slightly uncomfortable because he's so creepy while still making you laugh (but not that nervous laughter; full on funny ha ha laughter). Freddie Highmore shines as Charlie. Even though Charlie and his family are poor, he's always upbeat and earnest and not sad. The acting on part of the other performers is above par as well, even the kids who have either never acted before (Jordan Fry) or the kids who've acted before in very HORRIBLE movies (Annasophia Robb, I'm looking in your direction! That Samantha: An American Girl Holiday is 2 hours of my life I'll never get back!).

The pace was even and never dull. Not once did I check my cell phone to see what time it was nor did I ever think "hurry it up already!"

The movie is filled with little allusions and references to other films: Edward Scissorhands, 2001: A Space Odyssey, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Batman, Pirates of the Caribbean, Ed Wood, even Hair, and probably more that I didn't catch.

The soundtrack and the musical score were excellent, naturally, as only Danny Elfman can do pretty much no wrong. My only complaint: I couldn't understand some of the lyrics in the Oompa Loompa songs.

Go see this movie now!

The Fantastic Four

Ioan Gruffudd .... Reed Richards
Jessica Alba .... Sue Storm
Chris Evans .... Johnny Storm
Michael Chiklis .... Ben Grimm
Julian McMahon .... Victor Von Doom

I didn't go into this movie expecting too much or too little. Based on the previews, I expected an action and special effects heavy film and I have to say, it was exactly that.

Basically, this movie is your standard summer action sci-fi flick.

Excellent special effects and thank goodness for that because this is the one movie that really needed it! There are a couple of cute little scenes that make use of the good sfx.

Acting was okay. Not great but not horrible. Although, I didn't really enjoy Ioan's performance too much. I wasn't digging his American accent.

Overall, I'd say see it in the theatre at a matinee or wait for it on DVD if you've got a nice home theatre (because I really think the special effects deserve a big screen viewing).

The Darkness

Anna Paquin .... Regina
Lena Olin .... Maria
Iain Glen .... Mark
Stephan Enquist .... Paul
Giancarlo Giannini .... Albert Rua
Fele Martínez .... Carlos

Remember when horror films were scary? Even a little bit? This one isn't. At all. I mean, The Amityville Horror remake was bad but at least it made me scream. This movie made me yawn.

Horrible acting (and really, I expected better from Giancarlo Giannini and Lena Olin).

I figured out the "twist" half way through the film and was tempted to turn it off but I stuck it out until the end.

Don't bother with this film.

The United States Of Leland

Leland P. Fitzgerald (Ryan Gosling) has murdered his junkie girlfriend's autistic brother. Pearl Madison (Don Cheadle) is a struggling writer who teaches at the juvenile detention hall and wants to find out the "why".

"The worst part is knowing that there is goodness in people. Mostly it stays deep down and buried. Maybe we don't have God because we're scared of the bad stuff. Maybe we're really scared of the good stuff. Because if there's no God, well, that means it's inside of us and we could be good all the time if we wanted. So when we do bad things, it'd be because we want to or because we have to. Or maybe we just need the bad stuff to remind us what the good stuff is in the first place." - Leland

Leland lives with his mother (Lena Olin). His father (Kevin Spacey) is a famous author who is emotionally detached and sends his son plane tickets to "anywhere in the world" he isn't. The family of the dead boy all have their own problems. Becky is a junkie, Julie wants to break up from her boyfriend who has been living with her family since his mother died and the parents seem to have problems with their marriage (although this isn't addressed directly). Pearl is cheating on his girlfriend.

This is a classic human story with great performances from everybody. Ryan Gosling has a certain quality where he looks like a sad puppy but there's a menace in his eyes. My only complaint is that Lena Olin wasn't used enough. 5 halos.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith

Brad Pitt .... John Smith
Angelina Jolie .... Jane Smith
Vince Vaughn .... Eddie
Adam Brody .... Benjamin Diaz

What a cute little movie!

First of all, I'll just put it right out there. Brad and Angelina are SMOKIN' HOT!! If the rumors are true and they're a couple, could you imagine how freakin' gorgeous their kids would be?!? They spend a good portion of this film looking very very pretty.

Acting all around was decent. Adam Brody and Vince Vaughn were a bit underused but as the focus of the movie was supposed to be Brad and Angelina, it makes sense. Brad and Angelina did very good jobs with their characters. Jane Smith, whose cover is a computer technical consultant, is calm, cool, and collected. John Smith, whose cover is a construction consultant, is very loose and spontaneous. The banter between the two characters, both before and after they find out who the other is, is clever and sharp.

Plot wise, yes, there are some holes and some questions. The main one being who exactly do they work for? There are others but they might be spoilers so I won't ask them.

The action scenes are fun and pretty standard. The fight between Mr. & Mrs. Smith is kick ass. At some points, you are reminded of Lara Croft when Angelina picks up a weapon but that's probably a normal reaction.

Overall, I'd say this film is worth seeing in the theatres. Probably more at matinee prices though.

The Apple

Catherine Mary Stewart .... Bibi
George Gilmour .... Alphie
Grace Kennedy .... Pandi
Alan Love .... Dandi
Joss Ackland .... Hippie Leader/Mr. Topps
Vladek Sheybal .... Mr. Boogalow
Ray Shell .... Shake
Miriam Margolyes .... Alphie's Landlady

Synopsis:
Set in the futuristic year of 1994 (the movie was made in 1980), 2 Canadian singers (Alfie and Bibi) travel to America to participate in the WorldVision music contest, but lose to the singers backed by the Boogalow International Music (BIM) corporation. However, Mr. Boogalow takes an interest in them and tries to sign them to his label. Bibi falls prey to the seduction of the music industry, while Alfie tries to pull her out of it.

CHEESE-tastic!!!!

This movie is basically a retelling of the Adam and Eve story, set in the future and to music.

• Catherine Mary Stewart. Yeah, okay so she didn’t sing any of the songs but she was so pretty. And while her acting may not have been great (probably a step below Soap Opera acting), comparatively she was practically Shakespearean against her co-star.
• The Songs. I’ll admit it, some of the songs were catchy. The opening number is fun (even if I couldn’t really understand what they were saying). One of the better songs is Alfie’s lament of lost love. Even the song about how all Americans are on drugs (SPEEEED!) is fun (at least, that’s what I think the song is about; like I said before, I couldn’t really understand a lot of the lyrics).
• The Glitterati. Holy shit. It’s like the only direction given to the costume designer was “MORE GLITTER!” because everyone jumped naked into vats of glitter and then got dressed. I’d hate to think that back in 1980, people really believed that in the future, we’d all be so horribly dressed.
• The Acting. There’s a reason that almost everyone’s credit listing on the IMDB has only this movie and maybe one or two other items. If they’re not subscribing to the William Shatner school of overacting, then they’re so wooden it was almost painful to watch.
• George Gilmour. Worst! Acting! EVER! This guy couldn’t decide on which accent he needed, the non-accented Canadian or the slightly accented British/Scottish. Sometimes, he managed to get both in a single sentence. The only part of the movie in which he was at all entertaining (in a good way and not in a “we’re laughing at you” kind of way) was when he came up behind his landlady and grabbed her bosoms. Otherwise, he was awful. I will give him his due in the singing department though.
• The Deus Ex Machina. It’d be one thing if this device was at all mentioned during any point of the movie but it happened in (literally) the last minute of the movie.

Overall, it was still an entertaining movie. The acting was so cheesy it was laughable, especially the acting during some of the songs. The songs were amusing and somewhat enjoyable. I do think it was made more enjoyable by the fact that I saw it in a theatre full of people who were into the whole cheesiness aspect of it and felt free to yell things at the screen.

I’d say that if you are going to rent it (or see it in a theatre, if possible), make sure there’s a bunch of people with you who enjoy giving movies an MST3K treatment.

In America

Loki told me this movie made her cry. Therefore, I thought this movie was going to be a downer.

Surprisingly, it wasn't.

First of all, I have to give proper credit to the two sisters who played a pair of sisters in the film. Never have I seen such acting from someone so young.

I originally thought this movie would be about the two girls who were moved by their parents from Ireland to New York.

Then, I thought it was a movie about a family coping with the loss of their son, as they attempted to run away from their pain to a country with no memory of their loss.

Finally, I realized it is about neither of these things...it is about a father, learning how to greive and feel after the worst (he suspects) has happened; about new beginnings; about not being able to run from the past; and about accepting a new and different type of person.

Djimon Hounsou gives an excellent performance. I love it when the man yells. It gives me chills.

Watch closely for the embedded symbolism...the entire film is littered with it, but is subtle enough not to detract attention.

At the end, I learned what I already knew from experience: moving house/running away doesn't make your problems go away.

Same life, different country.

Watch it. Love it. Cry or not, depending on how you view it.

Are We There Yet?

Directed by
Brian Levant

Cast:

Ice Cube

blah blah blah people
________________________________________________________________

Dear Crappy Movie,

I hate you.

I respect the fact that I'm sure you were really fun to make and I appreciate that you chose my lovely state to be filmed in but you really, really did not hold my attention.

For one, I am not a young viewer and you felt wayyyy too 'Home Alone' with your kid work. Also, how Liv Tyler was Ice Cube on that horse? I really hope you weren't trying to hide the fact that it was faker than Pam Anderson's ever changing bustline.

Whatever you do, please don't breed with Catwoman. The dirty love children you'd produce would leave me wanting to brillo pad my eyeballs out.

I wish you better luck in the future. If I wanted to see suck I'd go rent porn.

Sincerely,

Prism

Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants

Directed by
Ken Kwapis

Cast:

That chick from Joan of Arcadia: Amber Tamblyn
That cute lass from Gilmore Girls: Alexis Bledel
That lovely gal from Real women have Curves: America Ferrera
A gal I don't know where she's from: Blake Lively
The adorable gal from Dickie Roberts former child star: Jenna Boyd

_____________________________________________________________

Bring the tissues!

I can't say enough good things about this film as it's one of the few I've seen recently that hasn't sucked great big things that shouldn't be sucked on.

Great cast of talented young women.

Great fucking movie.

A 4some of best friends find a pair of magical pants (trousers not underwear) in a thrifstore that fit each of them perfectly. For the first time in probably ever the gals are separated for a summer -each on their own adventure.

LET'S SHARE THE PANTS!!!! (trousers not underwear)

Each gal gets the pants for exactly one week before mailing them to the next gal all eagerly awaiting the potential for good things to come. The result: Life's lessons learned and change for the good. A summer for growing up and learning to appreciate what you've got, your potential and that you should appreciate life for it's ups and downs.

I know this movie has been (wrongly) labled a 'teen' chick flick by some but dudes... I garuntee you'll enjoy this movie. Moms, sisters, daughters, grandparents, boyfriends, husbands... I promise you'll all get something out of it.

Lemony Snicket's A Series Of Unfortunate Events DVD

Liam Aiken .... Klaus Baudelaire
Emily Browning .... Violet Baudelaire
Kara and Shelby Hoffman .... Sunny Baudelaire

Jude Law .... Lemony Snicket (voice)

Timothy Spall .... Mr. Poe

Catherine O'Hara .... Justice Strauss
Billy Connolly .... Uncle Monty
Meryl Streep .... Aunt Josephine

Jim Carrey .... Count Olaf
Luis Guzmán .... Bald, Thickset Henchman
Jamie Harris .... Hook-Handed Henchman
Jennifer Coolidge .... White Faced Woman #1
Jane Adams .... White Faced Woman #2
Cedric the Entertainer .... The Detective

John Dexter .... Gustav
Wayne Flemming .... Captain Sam

Craig Ferguson .... Person of Indeterminate Gender (uncredited)
Dustin Hoffman .... The Critic (uncredited)

I don't know why, but it seems as if I'm going through a movie drought right now. The past few movies I've watched have been underwhelming.

Despite the appearance of some pretty big named talent in this movie (one gets the feeling that they agreed to be in it so that their kids or grandkids could see them in something), it's not really very entertaining.

Unless you like Jim Carrey's schtick. In which case, you'll be entertained.

I felt like the movie was way too long at 1 hr and 45 minutes. It wasn't interesting enough to keep my attention. Instead of using the main source material from the first three books and aspects of the other books, why not just focus on one plot? I think I would've been more intrigued by that. Of course, then we wouldn't have been able to see Jim Carrey "act" like a whole bunch of different characters.

The DVD had a featurette about Jim Carrey and another featurette that dealt with costumes for his characters. There was also a small feature that showed how to the director cast the children. I didn't even bother with the commentary. The deleted scenes were fun. The outtakes were mainly Jim Carrey's improvising stuff, so you can guess my thoughts on that.

I wouldn't bother renting this unless you've read the books and want to see how it compares.

The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou DVD

Bill Murray .... Steve Zissou
Owen Wilson .... Ned Plimpton
Cate Blanchett .... Jane Winslett-Richardson
Anjelica Huston .... Eleanor Zissou
Willem Dafoe .... Klaus Daimler
Jeff Goldblum .... Alistair Hennessey
Michael Gambon .... Oseary Drakoulias
Noah Taylor .... Vladimir Wolodarsky
Bud Cort .... Bill Ubell
Seu Jorge .... Pelé dos Santos
Robyn Cohen .... Anne-Marie Sakowitz
Waris Ahluwalia .... Vikram Ray
Niels Koizumi .... Bobby Ogata
Pawel Wdowczak .... Renzo Pietro

I hate when the trailers for movies make you think the movie is going to be one thing and then you watch it and find that it's completely the opposite.

This is what happened with this movie.

The trailers make you think this is going to be a comedy. Maybe not a Caddyshack type of funny, but certainly like a Groundhog Day type of funny.

This movie is neither.

What this movie is is boring. It's basically a bunch of kooky, mixed up, and dyfunctional characters all put together. And we, the viewing audience, get to watch them interact with each other and try to work out their idosynchrocies.

*yawn*

There are some good performances. Willem Dafoe cracked me up as Klaus, the German sidekick who starts to get that "Older Child" syndrome when his father figure gets a younger "son." Angelica Houston pretty much rocks the part of Steve Zissou's long suffering wife, even though she's not on screen much.

The DVD contains featurettes about the director (Wes Anderson) and some deleted/extended scenes (the one with Klaus on fire while running from the pirates cracked me up!). I think there's more stuff on the other disc but I don't have that one since I didn't bother to get it from Netflix.

The commentary sucked. Or I should say, the 15 minutes of it that I could handle. The co-writers and the director felt the need to record their commentary track at a coffee shop in which they spend most of their time while writing this movie. That's all fine and dandy but you could hear other people talking, dishes clanking, chairs scrapping, etc. It was way too noisy and it was hard to hear what the guys were saying. No way should a commentary be that difficult to listen to.

If you enjoyed Rushmore or The Royal Tennenbaums (all directed by Wes Anderson and all have the same feel as this movie), then you'll probably enjoy this movie. Unfortunately, I didn't.

Unleashed

Jet Li .... Danny
Morgan Freeman .... Sam
Kerry Condon .... Victoria
Bob Hoskins .... Bart

Action packed and bittersweet at the same time, Unleashed follows the story of Danny, a man raised like a dog by Bart and used by Bart as a killing machine.

I think it goes without saying that fight scenes in a Jet Li movie are spectacular. This one is no exception. Jet Li pounces, attacks, kicks, and punches his way around the screen, dispatching his foes one by one.

The rest of the story is bittersweet and poignant (and yes, I cried at the end) and well acted by everyone involved. Jet Li shows great range as he portrays Danny going from docile to dangerous in the care of Bart to semi-normal in the care of Sam and Victoria.

There were several things that, to me, rang very untrue, which took away my enjoyment of the movie a bit.

How is it that Danny is this great fighter when no one's trained him to be? We're led to believe that Bart has kept him locked up like an animal so we're also supposed to believe that he just somehow grew into a great fighter? I guess it's possible that part of the collar on and off training also included fight training, but how realistic is that?

Also, when the big fight brouhaha is happening, why didn't any of the neighbors call the police? I mean, it's not as if Sam and Victoria were living in the slums or anything where people might look the other way at some violence. Then again, these are also the neighbors who didn't complain when Victoria felt the need to play the piano with Danny at 2am.

The other thing that got me was that the movie is supposed to take place in Glasgow. Apparently, there were a couple of signs that mentioned Glasgow. I guess I missed those. But you'd think that I'd have heard at least one or two Scottish accents, right? Nope, not a one. But then again, I am an American so distinguishing UK accents isn't my forte.

Overall, I'd say see it on DVD if you get a chance. If you liked Léon (or The Professional as it was known in the US), then you'll probably enjoy this movie, as it was written by the same guy (Luc Besson) and has many of the same themes running through it.

Kicking and Screaming

us rated PG
95 Minutes

Directed by
Jesse Dylan
_____________________________

Meat first!

I'm gonna be quick.

Very few movies make me laugh out loud in the theatre but this one had me snickering audibly on at least 5 or 6 occasions.

I love Will Ferrel. He has a certian kind of comedy that can be repetitious to some but I've loved his stuff since Saturday Night Live and his skits with Molly Shannon.

Basically this is the story of a man who's never won anythign in his life who has a father that's all about winning and competition. When Will's character's son get's traded to another (loser) team, Will steps in as a coach and quickly learns that...his team really really sucks wind.

Mike Ditka, sworn enemy and neighbour of uber competitive grandfather get's roped in to a) piss off grandpa and b) whip the team into shape.

Eventually Will's character goes from being happy to just have fun... to being a total winning maniac like his father. The team starts winning (especially when they recruit some Italian brothers) and make it to the championship game.

la la la love and happy endings everyone's a winner. It's a good family film. Not to mention it had previews for Harry Potter and Bewitched. oooh yeah.

Movie: House of Wax 2005

us rating R
105 minutes

Directed by: Jaume Collet-Serra

superstars:

Elisha Cuthbert (girl next door, Love actually), Chad Michael Murray (Freaky Friday, A Cinderella Story), Brian Van Holt (Black Hawk Down, Man of the House), Paris Hilton (duh), Jared Padalecki (Gilmore Girls, New York Minute), etc etc etc....
____________________________________________________--

I see wax people!

I admit it. I was sucked into the movie because I wanted to see what Paris Hilton could do besides lounging around looking like a sexpot millionaire.

Here's the run down.

A group of friends get lost out of their way taking a 'short cut' to some big football playoff and wind up having to spend the night in some random field.

Cue in scary dude in a truck, mysterious smells, someone's car breaking down and random hillbilly taking them to the nearest town for spare part. Insert mysterious wax museum that's closed down, nosey teenagers poking around where they shouldn't be poking around and you've got yourself an instant 'horror' flick.

I admit it. I did like the movie. I did successfully get creeped out but only during the end scene when people started getting chased around in melting wax by crazy serial killer brothers.

I saw this movie alone in an empty theatre so for those of you who may be thinking this is a totally 'scary' movie... it's not. I did perfectly fine and I'm a wuss. It's more of a thriller than anything--the usual predicable 'college student' type film. 'college student' meaning I would lable this as a late highschool/college esque audience film.

(((sort of spoiler)))

Once again I was irritated by the fact that no one questioned the presence of the mysterious hillbilly who drove them to the town. He said he was working in some other town but dumped his roadkill in the area....you would think that he would have some idea the whole town was made of wax and was totally fake.

I was a bit dissapointed by the ending.

Worth watching if you're killing time and enjoy tame thrilling 'horror' movies.

oh yeah and Paris dying was gross!

Elektra

Jennifer Garner .... Elektra
Goran Visnjic .... Mark Miller
Kirsten Prout .... Abby Miller
Terence Stamp .... Stick
Colin Cunningham .... McCabe
Will Yun Lee .... Kirigi
Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa .... Roshi
Natassia Malthe .... Typhoid
Bob Sapp .... Stone
Chris Ackerman .... Tattoo
Edson T. Ribeiro .... Kinkou

Good fight scenes but that's it.

Plot and story lines are way too disjointed. The filmmakers touch on one subject, only to pull back and not provide any answers, and then move on to another subject.

Crappy acting. Lots of scenery chewing and lots of character development that just goes flat.

Action scenes are artful and exciting. They make use of Jennifer Garner's already acquired fighting skills (from working on Alias). Good special effects, especially the tattoos.

What saves this from getting 4 pitchforks is that Goran Visnjic looks good in this movie and Jennifer Garner is HOT. I was coveting her hair during the movie plus the make up job on her eyes. Smokin'!

The DVD has a few extras. The standard "making of" documentary, plus some deleted scenes, which aren't really that exciting. There's a feature called "Inside the Editing Studio" in which the Director shows you clips of the film. Which makes no sense because it's not as if those scenes weren't in the film. I could understand if that feature was broadcast somewhere before the movie came out, but it really shouldn't have been included on the DVD because it's pointless.

Overall, rent only if you're in the mood for an action movie low on plot and good acting. Otherwise, don't bother.

The Chronicles of Riddick: Dark Fury & The Chronicles of Riddick

Dark Fury

Vin Diesel .... Richard B. Riddick (voice)
Rhiana Griffith .... Jack (voice)
Keith David .... Abu 'Imam' al-Walid (voice)
Roger L. Jackson .... Junner (voice)
Tress MacNeille .... Chillingsworth (voice)
Nick Chinlund .... Toombs (voice)

Chronicles of Riddick

Vin Diesel .... Riddick
Alexa Davalos .... Kyra
Keith David .... Imam
Colm Feore .... Lord Marshal
Thandie Newton .... Dame Vaako
Karl Urban .... Vaako
Linus Roache .... Purifier
Judi Dench .... Aereon
Yorick van Wageningen .... The Guv
Nick Chinlund .... Toombs

I really wish I had gone for the trifecta of Pitch Black, Dark Fury, and Chronicles all at once so I could give you a review of all of them at once. Netflix, oddly enough, has the Director's Cut version of Chronicles but not the Theatrical Release and only has the Theatrical Release of Pitch Black but not the Director's Cut.

[whiny Netflix nitpick] I wish Netflix would either just have one version of a movie on DVD or start carrying both versions if a movie has one. It makes no sense to have the director's cut but not the theatrical release for one movie and vice versa for another.[/wnn].

Dark Fury is an animated short (directed by the guy who animated Aeon Flux) that's supposed to bridge the gap between Pitch Black and Chronicles. I'm unclear as to why people needed that bridge because I felt that the 5 year gap was explained well enough in Chronicles, but then again, maybe I was the only one paying attention in the theatre when it first came out.

In Dark Fury, Jack (who becomes Kyra), Imam and Riddick are captured by a mercenary ship governed by a weird chick who views killing as art and therefore has caputured a bunch of wanted criminals and put them into a sort of cryo sleep and has them on display. Her ultimate conquest is Riddick and she puts him to the killing test, using Imam and Jack/Krya as bait. Naturally, Riddick kills the bad guys and they get away but one of the "Mercs" vows to find Riddick.

The animation is very reminiscient of Aeon Flux, so if you liked that style, then you'll enjoy this animation. I found it a little too animé for my tastes, but it didn't detract from my enjoyment of the short.

I will take a moment to insert a little squee! here over Vin Diesel's voice. YUM! In the live action movie, you're concentrating more on the visual of Vin so his voice gets lost. But when you're watching something animated, his deep gravelly voice just comes barrelling out at you and yowsah!

Overall, it's a pretty decent flick, if an unnecessary one.

The DVD has a nice little behind the animation feature about the movie and one about the director. It also has the full movie in animatic version so you can watch both it and the movie and compare (which, yes, I did).

In Chronicles, the movie finds Riddick 5 years later, on the run from the Merc from Dark Fury, Toombs. Riddick finds out it was Imam who put the bounty on him and he goes to where Imam lives to find out why. Turns out, Imam did it at the urging of Aereon, an Elemental, who is seeking to bring balance to the universe by getting rid of the Necromongers. Necromongers are a race of religious beings who go planet to planet, conquering worlds. They make the people of those worlds convert to the Necromonger way. Those who don't are left on the planet but then the planet is destroyed. Riddick gets drawn into the fight against the Necromongers when the Lord Marshall orders him to be killed.

Okay. For people who were expecting Pitch Black 2: Riddick vs. Alien, those people were sorely disappointed. Where Pitch Black was a Sci-Fi Alien movie, Chronicles is a Sci-Fi Action Epic. The Director's Cut has added scenes explaining Riddick's background as a Furyan a tiny bit more (just a smidge though), bloodier battle and fight scenes, more action scenes during the Prison sequence, and a slightly different ending.

The extended scenes do help clear up some of the unanswered questions that were there when you viewed the theatrical release. Some of the uneven editing is also cleaned up as well.

The special effects are still amazing, especially those involving the Lord Marshall. The action and fight scenes kick ass, especially now that they're a bit bloodier.

There are still way too many plot lines going on in the movie. Riddick vs. the Mercs. Riddick vs. the Necromongers. Riddick vs. the Prison and then vs. the Sun. The Necromongers are supposed to be the Big Bad yet the Director feels the need to pull the audience out of that story line right in the middle and put us into a whole different story line. It's no wonder the movie was over 2 hours long.

Overall an enjoyable sequel.

The DVD opens with 2 options: Convert or Fight. Either option takes you to the same features which was disappointing. I expected the Convert option to have stuff about the Necromongers and Fight to have stuff about everything else. That would've been cool.

There's an easter egg that gives a quick behind the scenes look at a fight scene between Riddick and the Lord Marshall. There's also a couple behind the scenes vignettes. One with Vin Diesel showing off some of the sets and a standard "interview with everyone to generate buzz" extra. There's also a series of explanitory featurettes to let you know who all the people are and what not (i.e., an explanation of Helion Prime; who the Elementals are; etc.). The standard commentary with Director and Actors is there as well. Unfortunately not with Vin; it's with the Director, the girl who played Kira, and Karl Urban (who referenced Lord of the Rings a lot).

The best extra though, has to be what I like to call the Pop Up Video™ extra. When you activated this feature, during the movie, little tidbits of information popped up. Stuff like background information about the characters or stuff about what happened during filming or things about the actors. I love shit like that.

And if you kept count, yes I watched this movie 3 times.

Kingdom of Heaven

Orlando Bloom .... Balian
Liam Neeson .... Godfrey
David Thewlis .... Hospitaler

Eva Green .... Sibylla
Edward Norton .... King Baldwin
Jeremy Irons .... Tiberias

Marton Csokas .... Guy de Lusignan
Brendan Gleeson .... Reynald

Alexander Siddig .... Nasir
Ghassan Massoud .... Saladin

Very underwhelming movie.

I didn't read a whole lot of press or see a bunch of specials about this movie before seeing it so I had no real expectations.

Quite honestly, I was pretty Meh during the whole thing.

First, the pacing is slow. It takes a while for anything worthwhile to happen. Normally, I turn off my cell phone during movies, but about an hour into this movie, I turned it on and made sure the ringer was off because I needed to see the time. I kept looking at the time to figure out when the big climactic battle scene was going to happen. And even during the final battle scene, I kept checking the time to see when it was going to end.

Second, some of the actors are just wasted in their roles. Liam Neeson and Jeremy Irons are great actors but they have so little to do in this movie. Unknowns or less famous name actors could've just as easily fit into their spots. That's not to say that Neeson and Irons didn't act the hell out of those parts. Orlando Bloom was okay. I wasn't moved by his performance but he didn't totally suck and at least he had better chemistry with his leading lady in this movie than he did in Troy.

Finally, there are just all kinds of issues I have with character motivation that I can't go into without spoiling the movie. Don't even get me started on why French Knights sound like English Knights.

There are however, some great small fight scenes. To me, those were better than the bigger battle scenes. There are also some very beautiful location and scenery shots. Amazingly gorgeous vistas and sweeping wide shots.

Overall, I'd say go see it in the theatre to experience the battle scenes on the big screen but don't pay full price for it. Or, if you've got a decent home system, just wait for the DVD.

I, Robot

Will Smith .... Del Spooner
Bridget Moynahan .... Susan Calvin
Alan Tudyk .... Sonny
James Cromwell .... Dr. Alfred Lanning
Bruce Greenwood .... Lawrence Robertson
Adrian Ricard .... Granny (as Adrian L. Ricard)
Chi McBride .... Lt. John Bergin
Fiona Hogan .... V.I.K.I.

"Suggested by" the book by Isaac Asimov.

The book was a collection of short stories (review here) so the movie really only takes concepts and ideas and some characters from the book to tell the story of a detective who investigates the suicide of the head of a robotics company.

Waaaaay back before we had this lovely review site, I did a review of the movie on my blog.

I still hold to that review but after viewing it again (and again with the director and writer commentary), I would up the acting factor.

Bridget Moynahan portrays the icy scientist who's happier among robots than people exceptionally well. Will Smith gives the right amount of sadness to his tortured cop.

The action is still fast and furious with amazing special effects to knock your socks off.

The DVD doesn't offer much by way of extras. Because there weren't any re-shoots for this movie, there are no extra or deleted scenes. There's a "making of" feature, which you could've seen if you had HBO. The commentary track with the director and writer is slightly boring because they don't really offer any tidbits (other than the fact that they didn't reshoot any scenes) that you didn't already get from the "making of" feature.

Overall, I'd say rent it if you've got the time but don't expect anything special on the DVD.

Exorcist: The Beginning

Stellan Skarsgård .... Father Merrin
Izabella Scorupco .... Sarah
Patrick O'Kane .... Bession
James D'Arcy .... Father Francis
Remy Sweeney .... Joseph
Andrew French .... Chuma
Ben Cross .... Semelier
David Bradley .... Father Gionetti
Alan Ford .... Jeffries
Eddie Osei .... Emekwi
Israel Aduramo .... Jomo
Julian Wadham .... Major Granville

I find it ironic that all the movies I've reviewed that deal with religious subject matter have gotten more pitchforks than halos.

This DVD had absolutely no extras! And I'll tell you why. Because the director who originally had been hired to direct the movie didn't give the studio the gore-fest they wanted, so they fired him and brought in another director. The new director re-shot 90% of the movie.

This re-shoot would explain the crappiness that is this movie. Quite honestly, there was no reason for this movie. Did we really need Father Merrin's backstory? Not really, but we're getting it anyways.

The problem is that the Big Bad that Father Merrin fights isn't even The Devil. It's some minor league demon. Big whoop. And in between big gory blood lettings, there's a lot of people just walking around dark places looking scared. Seriously. I fast forwarded through 10 minutes of no dialogue, just one guy walking around in a dark church, looking at frescoes on the wall. *yawn*

Don't even bother with this movie unless you feel the need to have seen all the Exorcist movies.

The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

Martin Freeman .... Arthur Dent
Mos Def .... Ford Prefect
Sam Rockwell .... Zaphod Beeblebrox
Zooey Deschanel .... Trillian
Warwick Davis .... Marvin
Alan Rickman .... Marvin (voice)
Stephen Fry .... Narrator (voice)
Helen Mirren .... Deep Thought (voice)
John Malkovich .... Humma Kavula
Bill Nighy .... Slartibartfast
Anna Chancellor .... Questular Rontok

I liked it.

It made me laugh a lot, and I didn't even care that I was sometimes the only person laughing.

Every person was perfect in their role. I honestly can't think of a single negative thing about each person's performance. My only problem with the characters is that some of them weren't very fleshed out and were underused.

If you haven't ever read the books, there are some parts that aren't explained that make you go "huh?" Like why are towels so important? And you know, I couldn't explain it to you as I haven't read the book in a while and don't remember why towels are important.

For the most part though, even without knowledge of the book, the movie is easy to follow and everything is explained.

Go out and enjoy this movie.

The Girl Next Door

Elisha Cuthbert - Danielle
Emile Hirsch - Matthew

Directed by Luke Greenfield

You'd think this was a teen movie a la American Pie et al...but if that's what you're expecting, think again.

I really thought this was going to be a teen party, silly teenager gag type of movie...you know...the barf in the burger, the urine in someone's beer, the semen used as mousse...

But I was pleasantly surprised.

The Girl Next Door is actually very sweet film which, unlike those other cheap laugh teenage movies, actually has plot and requires thinking. Of course, it has its moments when you think something stupid/silly is going to happen, but lo, you've then fallen into the trap.

Matthew is going to graduate high school and go to Georgetown. We're told early on that he wants to be President someday. Oh, the trouble he can get into...

He seems a pretty straightlaced kid, but at the same time he's the same as any other teenage boy...namely in the hormone department. But don't be fooled, he's actually a sweet hormonal teenage boy, not the window-licking, leg-humping, slobbering teenagers we're used to seeing.

So he does drool a little, but the boy has a conscience about it, which is how he meets the girl next door, Danielle (Elisha Cuthbert).

She teaches him how not to be a dork, and allows him to experience high school like as he's always dreamt of (poor lad sits in his car, wanting to cut class and go to the beach with the 'popular' crowd, but his daydream of getting caught by the school guard and ending up killing someone in a fiery accident forces him to get out of his car and go back to school).

He's got his dorky friends, and now he's got his girl. Little by little we get to witness how his confidence begins to elevate. Until....

...he finds out his girl next door is really the porn star next door.

What happens next, you'll just have to see for yourself, as I highly recommend you rent this a.s.a.p.

No notably memorable lines, but still intelligent comedy/romance with an awesome soundtrack.

The Assassination Of Richard Nixon

A gripping story of an abandoned man driven mad.

Sean Penn plays Sam Bicke, "a grain of sand", in a true story of a thwarted assassination attempt on Richard Nixon. Sam is separated from his wife, struggling in his job and nobody listens to him as he grows increasingly desperate and paranoid. We don't find out why his wife has left him, which I think is a major flaw in the film, but we know she doesn't want to take him back. He works as a furniture salesman but doesn't want to lie to people. His frustration is misguided towards the "system" and he tries to join the Black Panthers in an attempt to "do something". He tries to get a loan to set up a tyre business (copying his brother) with his friend but this is denied because his friend is black. He loses his job and decides to kill the president to show "that the least grain if sand has in him the power to destroy". The film is punctuated with snippets from tapes that he makes to send to Leonard Bernstein to explain his actions. It's a good story but you can't help feeling the outcome would have been different if someone had taken the time to really listen to him and realise he wasn't quite sane. A good perfomance and a compelling story.

The Amityville Horror

Ryan Reynolds .... George Lutz
Melissa George .... Kathy Lutz
Jesse James .... Billy Lutz
Jimmy Bennett .... Michael Lutz
Chloe Moretz .... Chelsea Lutz (as Chloë Grace Moretz)
Rachel Nichols .... Lisa
Philip Baker Hall .... Father Callaway
Isabel Conner .... Jodie Defeo
Brendan Donaldson .... Ronald Defeo

Okay. So, like, if I ever decide to buy a house in the way out in the suburbs/country that's over 300 years old where a grisly murder took place, remind me to bring in every single kind of spiritual guru (priest, rabbi, whatever the muslim and islam spiritual leaders are called, shaman, voodoo priestess, etc.) to rid my house of whatever evil lives there.

Because I don't want to have to deal with the shit this family dealt with.
(Okay, so they admitted to it being not true, but still. FREAKY!)

What's the one rule we've learned from scary movies? NEVER go into the basement alone. Bad things always happen in basements. BAD. THINGS.

Folks, I'm not going to lie to you. This isn't the best acted film out there. The plot line has holes and inconsistencies. In fact, parts of the movie are downright boring and you're sitting there thinking, "Hurry up and move it along people!"

But then one scary part happens and you forget all about that. And Holy Mary Mother of God are the scary parts FUCKING scary!

How scary? Scary enough for me to scream out loud in the theatre. And no pansy ass muffled cry. Oh no. I screamed loudly. Not blood curtling, but close enough. And then I had to watch most of the rest of the movie through my fingers.

And now I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight.

And for revenge, I'm going to call my friend Natey at 3:15am and say "Katch 'em and kill 'em!" (you'll get that if you see the movie).

Constantine

The demons are out...and there's one man that can force them back to hell...yes, that's right, I'm talking about Keanu!

The opening scenes of this movie are absolutely fantastic...I thought at first I was watching a remake of the Exorcist (by and large the best horror film ever), but lo...it was Constantine.

The visuals in this movie are exciting, the plot was exciting and I think (am pretty sure) that at no point in the movie was I bored.

Accompanied by the ever gorgeous, Rachel Weisz, Keanu uses his 'vision' to guide him throughout the movie, taking on the baddies and boppin' them on the head.

Main theme of the movie was Constantine's fate in the afterlife, which seemed a bit sad...like giving away the end of a good book. But if I know Keanu (and I like to think I do), I knew he wouldn't end up where he said he would end up.

Stunningly graceful as the angel Gabriel is Tilda Swinton, who manages to pull off the psuedo-man/pseudo-woman look of Gabriel. I was astonished by the look of Gabriel at first, but then came to the realisation that there wasn't any good reason I could think of that Gabriel shouldn't be played by a woman.

Plus, she's just lovely and does an excellent job.

And she's got the coolest line ever: 'Your going to die young becuase you've smoked 30 cigarettes a day since you were 15. You're going to hell becuase of the life you took.'

Ok, so that was two lines, but who's counting?

Rachel Weisz, whom I've adored since she appeared in The Mummy, manages to knock around like the anti-supermodel, looking tough in that, 'I'm not a delicate daisy' sort of way, but still managing to be stunning. Of course, I couldn't quite believe her to be a cop, as she seemed to fumble with her gun a bit, but I suppose if I were as tiny as she is, the weight of a gun would make me a bit off kilter, too.

The movie itself is packed full of information, so go to the toilet before the movie, kiddies, and make sure you have all the snacks you need becuase you won't want to miss a single second of this.

Oh...and if you smoke, leave your pack of fags at home.

SAW

102 minutes

Directed by
James Wan

____________________________________________________________

First off can I just say Carey Elwes is STILL a foxy foxy man?

Second off I'm going to do my non-whinging review up top...and my whinging SPOILERS bit on the bottom. I do love bottoms and whinging so off we go!

[[NON SPOILER PART]]

Two dudes wake up chained to a wall and soon learn that they are apart of some whack-o's idea of a good time at the park--someone's gotta die--there's a dead person between them already and a whole lot of clues to help them get out of their situation.

We soon learn that mr. 'Whacko' already has been given the name of 'jigsaw' killer and that he doesn't actually 'kill' his victims... they do that on their own trying to escape the predicaments he puts them in and that Carey Elwes character was accused of BEING the jigsaw killer when police found one of his pen lights at the scene of a crime (he's a doctor). Of course Carey's character isn't the killer.

Anyway Enter Danny Glover's cop character who's obsessed with trying to solve the case... wife and kid being held hostage yadda yadda yadda.... how the crap are the dudes chained to the wall going to get free? What are the saws for again?

I got reccomended this movie with the warning that it scared the bejeezus out of somone and it has successfully creeped me out. Creeped me out in that comfortable creepy/scary that I don't have to hide my television or carry a glass of water around with me kinda way. I got sucked in and genuinely enjoyed it for the most part.

But let's get to the whinging because this part's really bothering me.

!!!!!WARNING!!!!!!
[[[[SPOILERS BELOW]]]]]]

I couldn't get over the fact that A) no one thought to listen to the dude lying on the floor's tape if he even had one (I can't remember) B) If dude lying on the floor DIDN'T have a tape... and he was lying on the floor WITH the tapeplayer... WHY DIDN'T ANYONE QUESTION IT?

The whole entire movie I was like... 'WHY THE HELL DON'T THEY LISTEN TO THE DEAD DUDE'S TAPE?' and when the point came accross that maybe he didn't have a tape 'WHY THE HELL ISN'T ANYONE QUESTIONING WHY HE DOESN'T HAVE A TAPE?'. did I miss something here? I only recall hearing TWO tapes being played.... Cary Elwes' and the photographer's. I mean, if everything the killer dude did he did with a purpose... a well thought out puzzle-like purpose... wouldn't you think maybe just maybe the random dead dude lying in the middle of the floor NOT chained up might have had a purpose? He wouldn't have just chose to kill himself. Sure... 'slow acting poison' blah blah blah but WHY THE HELL IS HE THERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM if he didn't have anything linked to them?

Which brings me around to the tapeplayer. wtf? if his soul purpose was to give the other guys the tapeplayer and the gun.... wouldn't you question the whole part about the tape he was supposed to have listened to?

I really think I missed something.

Also... DUH. I KNEW that thing that floated down the drain at the beginning was uber important. Can you imagine the turn of events if photographer dude had that?

A real thinker this movie is.

Even if the tape recorder thing and the dude in the middle of the floor pissed me off the whole time.

Definetely worth seeing...but if you're reading this...it's probably something you already Saw.

har har

Les Triplettes de Belleville

Or 'The Triplets of Belleville' for those of us who don't parles vouz el french.

Directed by
Sylvain Chomet

_____________________________________________

At first I wasn't sure what to think about this movie because it was weird. Very very weird. But weird is good and so is this movie.

A depressed boy gets gifted a trycicle as a present from his grandma after a series of unsuccessful gifts (including one of the main characters-train hating dog sidekick Bruno) thus spuring him on to dedicate his life training for the Tour De France.

When the time comes to compete, trouble erupts along the race and the boy (Champion) gets kidnapped by the French Mafia (oh no!).

What happens next you'll have to find out for yourselves because it's a very simple delight of a movie with colourful characters and great animation. Who the heck are the Triplets of Belleville and how the heck does Champion get rescued?

The Pacifier

Vin Diesel .... Shane Wolfe
Tate Donovan .... Howard Plummer
Faith Ford .... Julie Plummer
Brittany Snow .... Zoe Plummer (aka Red 1)
Max Thieriot .... Seth Plummer (aka Red 2)
Morgan York .... Lulu Plummer (aka Red 3)
Kegan and Logan Hoover .... Peter Plummer (aka Red 4)
Bo and Luke Vink .... Tyler (aka Red Baby)
Carol Kane .... Helga (aka Red Leader)

Lauren Graham .... Principal Claire Fletcher
Brad Garrett .... Vice Principal Murney

Chris Potter .... Capt. Bill Fawcett

Cute family film that's equal parts action and comedy.

Vin Diesel, going the way of Arnold, flexes his muscles in this family comedy as Shane Wolf, a Navy Seal ordered to protect the kids of a murdered scientisit while the Mother goes to Switzerland to get the contents of a safety deposit box which might contain information about whatever it is her husband was working.

The only thing that bugged me about this movie was that some of the stuff shown in the trailers isn't shown in the movie or is modified in some way.

Other than that, Vin's acting was pretty decent. He's not the greatest emoter but he's 5 steps above Keanu so that's something.

The kids are a pretty funny bunch, especially the youngest daughter. The scenes with her and her "Firefly" troop are especially hilarious.

Go see it at a matinee with your family. You'll enjoy it.

(if you want to leave a comment, you have to click on the "continue reading" link and leave it that way)

And the reason this movie is getting 4 halos, rather than 3, is because of the spoiler below, which you can read at your own risk.

SPOILER BELOW!!! Don't read on if you don't want to know what happens in this movie or a couple others!!

You know how my biggest movie pet peeve is the throw away line that's only in the movie to help out later on down the line? In The Grudge, they show SMG's boyfriend light up one cigarette so that you get that he smokes and then she's able to use his lighter in the end. Yet in any other scene he's in, he never smokes. In Thunderbirds the dad asks his son why he's not wearing his retainer, and the retainer becomes a soldering instrument later on. But you never se the kid wear the retainer before the dad asked about it and you never see the kid put it on at any other point.

Well, The Pacifier shows how you can have a plot point without having a throw away line.

The Scientist Father made up a song supposedly to help the middle son (Red 4) get to sleep. In the beginning of the movie, you see the Nanny singing it. Then you get to see Vin Diesel sing it twice. And then, it turns out to be a code to get into a vault the dad built!! How brilliant is that! The song wasn't used once and then all of sudden, it's back again. It was a constant in the movie, used not only by the main character, but also by a secondary character. And it wasn't just used to help out the main character later, it was also a device to show how the character was changing into someone who would do a song and dance for a little kid (and to make the audience laugh because it was a dumb little song).

Run Ronnie Run

Director: Troy Miller
Writer(s): David Cross & Bob Odenkirk

Cast: The writers, Nikki Cox, E.J. De La Pena ,R. Lee Ermey,M.C. Gainey, Tom Kenny, David Koechner, Suli McCullough ,Jill Talley, Becky Thyre+ a whole buttload of cameo's including: Matt Stone and Trey Parker, Jeff Goldblum, Rebecca Ramijn-stamos, John Stamos, Ian Scott, Ben Stiller, et etc etc.

86 minutes long

__________________________________________________________________

This is the story of a beer-drinking trailer park redneck's climb to fame and fortune by being taken under the wing of hollywood.

Insert: REALITY TV!

Imagine if you will a small southern town plagued by one sole trouble maker everyone knows by name. Ronnie Dobbs. When he's not peeing in the water resevoir he's stealing school busses and crashing them in football fields, drunk as a skunk and always denying he even did anything wrong. Most times running. Always coming up with backwards excuses that don't even make sense.

I originally rented this movie because of the cameo appearance made by Matt Stone and Trey Parker but I fastly fell in love with it the first 5 minutes and wish more people knew about it's most awesome hilarity.

Come ride with me on my reviewalicious party wagon.

((pan back to small southern town))
Ronnie Dobbs is doing what he does naturally (getting drunk and arrested by the cops) and gets caught and aired multiple times on the show COPS. In a way he becomes a regular of sorts and people enjoy watching his schenanigans and his uber stupidity. A failed infomercial man is in a crowd watching the show and overhears someone comment on how they'd watch Ronnie Dobbs get arrested by the cops everyday. He should have his own show!

Instant money. cha ching!

Infomercial man manages to get a slot on television, and secures Ronnie's place in stardom by striking a deal with the police chief of Ronnie's town. Ronnie Dobbs is not allowed anywhere in the state or he'll be permanently arrested.

Now, what's a movie without the love interest? We're all suckers for that kinda junk so lemme slap it to you.

Ronnie's soul mate and love of his life Tammy has refused his 4th marriage proposal. (they've been married and divorced 3 other times) . She says he aint gonna get anywhere in his life and aint ever going to make something of himself. Ronnie going to Hollywood secures himself money, a house, and luxury. Insert the beer poster gal and you gots yourself a regular ole love triangle.

How can Ronnie prove to Tammy he loves her and can provide for her and the little ronnies while he's banned from his homestate and currently dating the beer poster girl?

Guess you'll have to find out.

Oh yeah. And I loooove Ronnie's love song boyband pop music video.

My boyfriend would like to let everyone know that if you like Mr. Show, you'll love this movie.

Constantine

Keanu Reeves --- John Constantine
Rachel Weisz --- Angela/Isabel Dodson
Tilda Swinton --- Gabriel
Djimon Hounsou --- Midnite
Gavin Rossdale --- Balthazar
Peter Stormare --- Satan

Constantine stars Keanu as a man who has the ability to see 'half-breed' demons. His "job" on earth, after being sent to hell briefly for attempting suicide (he was resuscitated after being dead for 30 seconds or some such bit), is to send meddling half-breeds back to hell in an attempt to win his way into heaven. The movie is based on the comic book by the name of Hellblazer --I've no knowledge of the comic, and perhaps it was better that way. A friend familiar with the comic scoffed at the movie when the lights came back up :) Along the way he comes across Detective Dodson and in helping her find out what happened to her twin sister, also stumbles across something horribly sinister....

I had a strong urge to see this movie, even though I thought the liklihood of it being good was slim. I was actually surprised, though. I kind of liked it. Don't get me wrong--it was no jump-out-of-your-seat thriller. It wasn't even all that creepy. The only part that really got me was the car impact scene at the very beginning. I can watch people get shot just fine, but hit 'em with a car and my stomach turns. But for a one-time viewing, I'd say it was quite watchable.

If you're a fan of Keanu and his typical less than animated acting, you'll feel right at home in Constantine. I swear sometimes they could replace him with a 6' tall block of wood and you'd get the same feeling out of a scene. The most action you really got out of Mr. Reeves, was his interaction with his lighter. Good god man...does it really take that much energy to flick a bic? Rachel Weisz, again plays the attractive damsel in distress. Kudos to her performance, though. And kudos to her character's name! (we've got something in common...) Oh yeah, the other creepy thing...hearing satan whisper your name, though in a movie, still gave me the shivers.

And finally, last but not least, my embarrassing secret. I'll admit I wanted to see it beforehand, but the real reason I jumped in my car and drove to the theatre was due to my having read that Balthazar, servant to satan, was played by none other than my high school love, Mr. Gavin Rossdale. Yes, kids, he can't really act. But I was pleasantly surprised that he's still quite attractive as a nearly 40 has-been rocker ;)

The Manchurian Candidate

Jeffrey Wright .... Al Melvin
Pablo Schreiber .... Eddie Ingram
Anthony Mackie .... Robert Baker
Denzel Washington .... Ben Marco
Liev Schreiber .... Raymond Shaw

Meryl Streep .... Eleanor Shaw

Kimberly Elise .... Rosie

Jon Voight .... Senator Thomas Jordan
Vera Farmiga .... Jocelyne Jordan

Simon McBurney .... Atticus Noyle

Excellent movie!

God, the acting in this movie was PHENOMENONAL! I can't even put into words how good the main characters were. Denzel Washington and Liev Schreiber both brought intensity and helplessness to their characters. Meryl Streep brought a ruthlessness and ickyness (in regards to the mother/son relationship) to her character.

Plot wise, I wasn't too fond of the flashbacks, but it worked for the movie because it put the audience in the same frame of mind as Ben Marco, meaning the audience found things out at the same time he did.

Again, excellent movie!

The Punisher

Thomas Jane .... Frank Castle (as Tom Jane)
Marcus Johns .... Will Castle
Samantha Mathis .... Maria Castle

John Travolta .... Howard Saint
James Carpinello .... Bobby Saint/John Saint
Laura Harring .... Livia Saint

Will Patton .... Quentin Glass
Eddie Jemison .... Micky Duka

Ben Foster .... Spacker Dave
John Pinette .... Bumpo
Rebecca Romijn-Stamos .... Joan

I'm not exactly sure why everyone panned this movie.

I mean, sure the acting isn't that great but this isn't Shakespeare.

The fight scenes and action scenes were pretty decent considering the budget restraints the filmmakers had but I really expected something more I think.

Overall, I'd say it's worth a rental.

Oh, and by the way, Thomas Jane with brown hair in this movie looks like a younger version of Christopher Lambert. Just so you know.

The Forgotten

Julianne Moore .... Telly Paretta
Christopher Kovaleski .... Sam
Anthony Edwards .... Jim Paretta
Gary Sinise .... Dr. Jack Munce
Dominic West .... Ash Correll
Kathryn Faughnan .... Lauren Correll
Alfre Woodard .... Det. Anne Pope

This movie had the potential to be good. It did. But unfortunately, its plot rips off so many other movies that you're left thinking, "Well, geez. I could've just watched [whatever movies] and been more entertained."

I got so bored with this movie about halfway into that I just watched the rest of the movie on fast forward with the subtitles on, and watched both endings (theatrical release and alternate DVD ending) normally.

I would say, skip this movie and go watch Dark City instead.

Alien Vs. Predator

Sanaa Lathan .... Alexa Woods
Raoul Bova .... Sebastian de Rosa
Lance Henriksen .... Charles Bishop Weyland
Ewen Bremner .... Graeme Miller
Colin Salmon .... Maxwell Stafford
Tommy Flanagan .... Mark Verheiden
Joseph Rye .... Joe Connors
Agathe De La Boulaye .... Adele Rousseau
Carsten Norgaard .... Rusten Quinn
Sam Troughton .... Thomas Parks

The DVD I rented had both the theatrical and extended edition releases. I'm basing this review off the extended edition.

I wasn't sure what to expect from this movie. I mean, it's a sci-fi monster movie. Predator was a decent movie (but the sequel wasn't). The Alien films were all ok. But I've been disappointed in monster movies that looked promising before.

Can I just say that I about bust a gut while watching this movie? I'm pretty sure the filmmakers didn't intend for this movie to be funny, but I was laughing hysterically throughout this film. From the dialogue (which was supposed to be serious but came off as very drama-queen like) to the dramatic scenes (the "hair flip" of the Predators; nothing like seeing space dreadlocks whipping around in slow motion) to the special effects (a Predator grabbing an Alien by the tail and slinging it around), this movie just made me laugh.

Overall, I'd say it's worth a rental on a rainy day.

Hide And Seek

Robert De Niro .... David Callaway
Dakota Fanning .... Emily Callaway
Famke Janssen .... Katherine
Elisabeth Shue .... Elizabeth
Amy Irving .... Alison Callaway
Dylan Baker .... Sheriff Hafferty
Melissa Leo .... Laura
Robert John Burke .... Steven
Molly Grant Kallins .... Amy

Here's the premise of the movie:
David's wife dies. He moves Emily and himself to upstate New York to help Emily get over the trauma of the death of her mother. While in this new house, Emily goes into the woods and makes a new friend, Charlie. Scary things happen.

I figured out who Charlie was the minute Elisabeth Shue's character died (and that's not a spoiler because it's in the trailer). I turned to Janice after the death and told her my theory. Sure enough, I was correct.

At first, the movie is kind of entertaining because you're sitting in a dark theatre and the music is going and you're very immersed in what's going on on-screen. But once you get out of the theatre and all the stimuli is gone and you really start to think about the movie, you start to find things that make no sense and the whole thing just falls apart.

However, Dakota Fanning acted the SHIT out of her part. That girl is talented. She's what saves the movie from getting 5 pitchforks.

Don't see this movie in the theatre. Don't rent it either, unless you've got nothing better to do. But don't say I didn't warn you.

Bionicle: Mask of Light and Legends of Metru Nui

Way back in April 2004, I rented and watched Bionicle: Mask of Light. I'm not sure why, probably because I had rented Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas, and Netflix recommended Bionicle to me.

Anyways, I watched the movie, and while obviously not the target audience for the movie, I still enjoyed it. For a movie based on Lego characters, it was pretty decent, if a bit simplistic. And all the characters looked alike so I had trouble telling them apart.

However, the more fascinating part of the whole movie was the detail of the charactes and their background. It was almost Tolkein-esque in the way that these characters had their own language and alphabet and the religion aspect of it seemed very Polynesian/Indonesian.

Last night, I watched what is essentially the prequel to Mask of Light. In Legends of Metru Nui, the special effects were decent, the story line was still a bit simplistic but more detailed than the first movie, and I was able to tell the difference between the characters this time (even if I couldn't remember their names). Less time was spent on each individual city and its culture (which was a shame) and more time was spent on the story.

Rent the movies together and watch them in reverse order (Legends first, then Mask).

Closer

A film about people who don't know what love is.

It opens with Dan (Jude Law) and Alice (Natalie Portman) walking towards each other on a busy street (soundtrack Damien Rice "The Blower's Daughter") in slow motion. Alice promptly gets run over by a taxi and is taken to the hospital by Dan. Fast-forward and Dan is getting his picture taken for his book by Anna (Julia Roberts) and they kiss, apparently without a second thought about his relationship with Alice. Fast-forward again and Dan is having cyber-sex with Larry (Clive Owen) whilst pretending to be Anna (very funny scene). Larry meets Anna who has no idea what he's talking about but they end up getting married. And then everybody sleeps about and people break up and get back together again and call each other very bad names in the process.
It's hard to believe that it's actually Julia Roberts in this film because nobody talks to her in such a sexual manner. It's against the law.
No, seriously it's an interesting film but don't expect any deep life-changing insights into love because that's not what this is about. Golden Globes thoroughly deserved by Clive Owen and Natalie Portman (who is very cute).

Spiderman 2

Tobey Maguire .... Spider-Man/Peter Parker
Kirsten Dunst .... Mary Jane Watson
James Franco .... Harry Osborn
Alfred Molina .... Doc Ock/Dr. Otto Octavius
Rosemary Harris .... May Parker
J.K. Simmons .... J. Jonah Jameson
Donna Murphy .... Rosalie Octavius
Daniel Gillies .... John Jameson
Willem Dafoe .... Green Goblin/Norman Osborn
Cliff Robertson .... Ben Parker
Ted Raimi .... Hoffman

I was pretty underwhelmed by this movie.

So many things just bored me: the numerous CGI shots of Spiderman flying through the skyscrapers; the on- and off-again nature of his relationship with Mary Jane; the fighting with Harry about Spider-Man; yadda yadda yadda.

The 3 things that saved this movie from getting 4 pitchforks were the score (Danny Elfman rocks), the scene on the train when the riders are commenting on how young Spider-Man is, and Ted Raimi's little comic bits (I LURVE Ted Raimi).

Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter

(Is it ironic that a movie about Jesus gets pitchforks?)

Ok, so, you guys? You know how movie critics are always saying that Plan 9 From Outer Space is, like, the Worst. Movie. Ever. ?

Well, they obviously hadn't see this movie.

Oh.
My.
God.
(no pun intended)

I can't believe that I sat through 1hr30min of this shit. I kept hoping, nay, PRAYING, that it would in some way redeem itself but it never did.

The idea is quirky and I had hoped that this would turn out campy and cheesy.

Not. Even. Close.

Quick synopsis: Apparently, Vampires are running amok around the city (of Toronto, although they never say which city), killing lesbians. The Church decides that it needs to save the women, so they send 2 priests to go get Jesus, who just happens to be at the beach, baptizing people. After hooking up with 2 sidekicks, Jesus proceeds to kick Vampire ass for the Lord.

The whole movie looks like they shot it with a hand held video camera. Most of the shots are shaky and the person working the camera had issues with zooming and focusing.

The sound was like a hand held camera as well. A good portion of the movie is out of synch with the actors' lips.

And don't even get me started on the crappy acting skills. It's like a bad high school play.

Seriously, I was in student films when I was at USC that were 100 times better than this movie.

I'm going to go take an asprin, in the hopes that this blinding pain behind my right eye will go away.

The Passion Of The Christ

James Caviezel .... Jesus
Maia Morgenstern .... Mary
Hristo Jivkov .... John
Monica Bellucci .... Magdalen
Francesco De Vito .... Peter
Mattia Sbragia .... Caiphas
Luca Lionello .... Judas
Hristo Shopov .... Pontius Pilate
Claudia Gerini .... Claudia Procles
Fabio Sartor .... Abenader
Giacinto Ferro .... Joseph of Arimathea
Olek Mincer .... Nicodemus
Luca De Dominicis .... Herod
Pietro Sarubbi .... Barabbas
Sabrina Impacciatore .... Seraphia
Jarreth J. Merz .... Simon of Cyrene (as Jarreth Merz)
Rosalinda Celentano .... Satan

I was supposed to see this movie when it came out with John and Liz. Instead, we ended up going to see Dawn of the Dead. Then, it came out on DVD and I put it in my Netflix queue. I've had this movie in my possession since December 15. I just now decided to watch it. I really think that should've been a clue to me that I wasn't going to like it.

I had no problems with the language or the sub-titles. In fact, I think it would've taken away from the movie to have the characters speaking English.

Most of the acting was great. I thought Maia Morgenstern did a great job as Mary and James Caviezel was decent as Jesus.

However, the movie as a whole was boring. It was way too long. And some of the torture scenes, while necessary to convey the hell Jesus went through, went on just a little too long.

And my pet peeve was the use of characters without identifying them. I mean, I'm familiar with the story of the death of Jesus, but I don't know all the details so I have no idea who some of the people were and the movie didn't feel the need to tell me who they were. Like, who was the Apostle that was hanging out with Mary and Magdalen during the whole movie? And who was the guy that helped Jesus carry the cross? Would it really have killed Mel Gibson to throw a line or two in to say the characters' names?

Personally, I'm not going to watch this movie again.

feel free to comment

Blade: Trinity

Wesley Snipes .... Blade
Kris Kristofferson .... Abraham Whistler
Dominic Purcell .... Drake
Jessica Biel .... Abigail Whistler
Ryan Reynolds .... Hannibal King

Natasha Lyonne .... Sommerfield
Haili Page .... Zoe
Patton Oswalt .... Hedges
Ron Selmour .... Dex
Christopher Heyerdahl .... Caulder

Parker Posey .... Danica Talos
Mark Berry .... Chief Martin Vreede
John Michael Higgins .... Dr. Edgar Vance
Callum Keith Rennie .... Asher Talos
Paul Michael Levesque .... Jarko Grimwood (as Triple H)

Remember when Wesley Snipes was an actor and not an action star? Remember movies such as Mo' Better Blues, Jungle Fever, New Jack City? Hell, even Minor League and To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar?
Those were great movies that showcased the acting chops of Mr. Snipes. But then he did a couple of action movies and got a taste for it and then did a couple more and it quickly snowballed from there.

Now, I will concede that some of his action movies are pretty good. I mean, I enjoyed Passenger 57 and Demolition Man. I even enjoyed the first Blade movie.

But Blade 2 was crap and so was Blade: Trinity. The only thing stopping this movie from getting 5 pitchforks was the fact that the special effects and fight scenes were pretty quick ass.

Bad acting abounds in this movie. It's like Wesley Snipes is channelling William Shatner, Ahnuld, and his Demolition Man co-star Stallone all at the same time. And while Jessica Biel and Ryan Reynolds are very good looking, their acting also leaves something to be desired.

The plot is pretty thin and the bad guys aren't really so creepy or evil. Even the Big Bad is not so bad. The creepies in Blade 2 were worse than this guy.

I'd say, wait for the DVD to come out, but don't expect too much.

Ocean's Twelve

Brad Pitt .... Rusty Ryan
George Clooney .... Danny Ocean
Casey Affleck .... Virgil Malloy
Scott Caan .... Turk Malloy
Shaobo Qin .... Yen
Bernie Mac .... Frank Catton
Don Cheadle .... Basher Tarr
Matt Damon .... Linus Caldwell
Carl Reiner .... Saul Bloom
Eddie Jemison .... Livingston Dell
Elliott Gould .... Reuben Tishkoff

Catherine Zeta-Jones .... Isabel Lahiri
Julia Roberts .... Tess Ocean
Andy Garcia .... Terry Benedict
Robbie Coltrane .... Matsui
Vincent Cassel .... François Toulour
Eddie Izzard .... Roman Nagel
Albert Finney .... La Marque (uncredited)

Topher Grace .... Himself (uncredited)
Bruce Willis .... Himself (uncredited)

First, let me get the "2 pitchfork" issues out of the way.

The whole "celebrities playing themselves" schtick was dumb. I realize that it was integral to the plot but it was still dumb.
Also, because I had seen the first movie and knew to expect some twists and turns, I wasn't as surprised by some stuff and that sort of took the enjoyment out of it. In fact, I actually figured out some stuff before it happened.
And the ending was just a big set up for another sequel. Can't Hollywood leave well enough alone?

Now, having said that, let me tell you, I enjoyed this movie. It brought out the funny many times (it even made my mom laugh out loud and she rarely does that). The plot was sharp, the dialogue snappy, all the in-jokes (like Brad Pitt's character always eating) were there, and the pacing was great. And the movie passed my dad's test: not once did he get up to go to the restroom during the movie. He actually waited until it was over. That's how into it he was.

I don't want to say more since I don't want to give anything away but I recommend seeing this movie maybe at a matinee. You could wait for it to come on video, but I think it's worth a trip to the theatre.

The Grudge

I love scary movies. Love them. Love them love them love them.

And I like the type that get into your head and mess about with the stringy bits in your psyche and make you all paranoid.

If this is your cup of tea, then The Grudge is definately for you.

However, this movie spends so much time scaring that it doesn't take the time to develop any of the characters.

Poor Sarah Michelle Gellar. She has nothing to do in this film but look pretty.

Great horror movies start off with one scene that grabs your heart, rips it out of your chest and stomps on it. While you're left gasping for air, it continues on, in a 'Oh I'm a nice movie, really' charade and lulls you back into that false sense of security.

If you've seen The Others, then you know what I'm talking about.

The Grudge also starts off this way. One minute you're riding along on your bicycle with the citizens of Tokyo, enjoying the view, the hustle and bustle of every day life, singing 'Oh what a beautiful moooooorrrrrniiiiiiiing!' and then

BAM!

...you get the wake up call, with the prim and proper young man on the other end of the phone who says, 'Good morning. This is your wake up call. You are watching a scary movie. Thank you. Good bye.'

Love it love it love it.

I had a bit of a hard time getting into this movie, simply becuase there were some very rude, obnoxious pre-pre-adolescents giggling and laughing in one of the front rows.

I must say that overall, I liked the movie. Moreso becuase I liked what it did to my head (in that psychological, 'Someone's after me!' sort of way).

So, the movie accomplished goal #1: Scare.

The movie could have been a bit better, I think, if the characters had been developed a bit more. It's a rather short film (or at least I thought so at the time), so I would tend to think that a bit more character development could have been squeezed in here and there.

Mainly, you get Karen (Sarah Michelle Gellar, she's so pretty) and her boyfriend Doug (Jason Behr, he's so cute) having just moved (I think) to Tokyo. I must say that for not having been in Tokyo for very long (3 months, was it?) SMG sure does know a lot of Japanese.

This is exactly what I'm talking about, as far as development goes: I have no idea why they're there (presumeably to attend uni) and for how long they've been there (I think 3 months).

If we had had a bit more background on these two, I might have felt a little more sympathy for Doug (he's so cute).

But mainly, what you get is a ghost story...traditional Japanese style, and lemme tell ya, I haven't seen The Ring yet, but the Japanese ghost story really knocks your socks off. They take it to that other level....in American movies, you kick some ass (yeah!), but in the Japanese, well...you're stuck with whatever it is.

Congratulations: You're doomed.

Love it love it love it.

But without characters, it's a bit flat. Good story, good plotline, helluva way to scare the shit out of some folks, but where, oh where did Buffy go?

Oh. There she is. Looking:

• pretty scared
  
• pretty happy
  
• pretty cool
  
• pretty pissed off
  
• pretty upset
  
• just damn pretty
  

Now, I thought: 'Oooo...SMG (she's so pretty), she'll come in and kick some ass and save the day. She's battled before. That women knows kung fu and karate and God knows what else. Those ghosties don't stand a chance!'

Hm.
They might have saved a few pennies and just gotten a life-sized cardboard cutout of SMG (she's so pretty) and attached it to a small person and walked it around the set.

Ok, yeah, that's harsh. But I was really expecting a lot here.

At any rate, the ghosties did a good job with The Scare Factor. Bill Pullman makes an appearance (and made me go 'awww....Lone Star...what are you doing in Japan? *kissy kissy noises*). SMG (she's so pretty) does as best she can with very little in the way of lines.

If you want scare, then see it.

But I will warn you...when it says 'Scary!' on the box, it means, 'Jam packed full of scary!'.

Sleeping with the lights on won't help.
That chain lock on your door? Nope.
Even getting into bed and snuggling under you duvet won't save you.
Oh! And don't get on the phone either.

Congratulations: You're doomed.

Wilde

(1997)
Stephen Fry .... Oscar Wilde
Jude Law .... Lord Alfred 'Bosie' Douglas
Vanessa Redgrave .... Lady Speranza Wilde
Jennifer Ehle .... Constance Lloyd Wilde
Gemma Jones .... Lady Queensberry
Judy Parfitt .... Lady Mount-Temple
Michael Sheen .... Robbie Ross
Zoë Wanamaker .... Ada Leverson
Tom Wilkinson .... Marquis of Queensberry
Ioan Gruffudd .... John Gray

Fictionalized account of Oscar Wilde's life.

Superb acting!
Stephen Fry is excellent (as usual) as Wilde. He is able to show both the tenderness and regret that Wilde had in his double life.
Jude Law shines as the petulant but desperate for affection Lord Douglas.
The only person who wasn't that great, oddly enough, was Tom Wilkinson. Not because he's not a great actor but because his character is only talked about so a picture is painted but then when he shows up, he's not nearly as reprehensible as he's made to seem.

The pacing and plot of the movie flowed beautifully. Never once did I look at the dispaly and think "Gah. [# of minutes] to go?" And not once was I confused or finding plot holes.

The best part of the movie was the use of Wilde's short story The Selfish Giant throughout the movie as a compliment to the movie itself.

Rent this movie if you get a chance.

National Treasure

Nicolas Cage .... Ben Gates
Diane Kruger .... Abigail Chase
Justin Bartha .... Riley Poole
Sean Bean .... Ian Howe
Jon Voight .... Patrick Gates
Harvey Keitel .... Sadusky
Christopher Plummer .... John Adams Gates

Spoilers are between the [ ].

This movie was actually quite fun.

If you're at all familiar with Dan Brown's The DaVinci Code (and liked it), then you'll like this movie.

The idea of conspiracy theories and secret societies comes into play while hunting for a treasure that may or may not exist.

The movie is predictible in parts, sure. You have to suspend your disbelief a few times (and not just about the conspiracy theories) but it doesn't distract too much from the action.
[When they take his father's car and the FBI put out a BOLO for it, they're driving from DC to PA. Surely, at some point, a cop would've seen the car and called it in way before they made it to PA.

When they get the Declaration of Independence to the dad's house, they decode the clues on the back with lemon juice and blow dryers. Don't you think that chemical tests were done on the DofI before? I doubt that the government wouldn't have done tests to help preserve the life of the document. And, all it took was lemon juice? I realize that the Freemasons had limited resources back then, but simple lemon juice? Come on!

At the end, we're supposed to believe that the American goverment would readily agree to divide the treasure to other countries? Please. Also, like the Church where the treasure was stored wouldn't try to lay claim because it was found on their property? Call me cynical, but I can't believe it. This is the USA in 2004.]

The pacing was great. Never once did I feel like "Are we almost to the end yet?" (unlike I did when I was watching the 80,000 previews!).

The acting was good as well. Nicholas Cage managed not to stink up the movie and you empathize with his character. Sean Bean, as always, is great as the not-as-bad-as-you-think guy. [His devolution in the bad guy makes sense. He's fronted Nicholas Cage a lot of money to help fund the wild goose chase. He, looking at the big picture, knows that he won't get to keep the treasure and knows that giving the treasure to the world governments would be a good thing to do. Being the keen business man that he is, he also knows that he will get a percentage of profit from the find and that he'll make back his money. It's only when he seemingly hits a snag that he falls into the bad guy role. And I'm not trying to justify the character just because it's Sean Bean. ]

But what really rocked were the locations and the history lessons (in the form of exposition to move the plot along). I've actually never been to any of the locations in the movie (DC, PA and the locations in NYC) and this movie really makes we want to go see our history. The US, despite being a young nation, has quite a history to it and it would be awesome to see all the places shown in this movie.

Overall, I'd would recommend watching this movie at a matinee. You could even wait until it comes out on video because it's not really a movie you need to see on the big screen. But you should definitely see it.

Ju-On: The Grudge

It's hard for me NOT to compare this movie to the American version since I saw the American version first, so I'm not even going to bother to try.

Again, I'll do a general review above the cut and a spoiler review below the cut.

There was hardly any plot or character development in this film, which made it very difficult to figure out what the hell was going on.

The special effects were laughable and the creepiness just wasn't there (probably because I knew what to expect).

I read on the IMDB that the American version of the The Grudge is actually based on two Ju-On movies: The Grudge and The Curse.

Even so, this movie just isn't worth it.

First of all, there are WAY too many funky cuts back and forth in time. I mean, it's one thing to do a non-linear time line and not have title cards telling when the time frame is if the director gives clues within the scene. It's quite another thing to jump 7 years and expect us to figure it out.

Second, the special effects were lackluster. The scary dead people were very pale and white but it totally looked fake. The scary spirit wasn't necessarily scary because you could see that it was a person with black make-up on their face.

Third, why exactly did the evilness of the house wait several years to kill people? What's that about? It got tired and decided to rest? Whatever.

I seriously think that if I had seen this movie first, I still wouldn't have been as scared as I was with the American version.

And just how NOT scared am I? I'm sitting in my apartment, in the dark, closet doors ajar (not wide open mind you, but still open enough).

A Home At The End Of The World

Colin Farrell can do serious acting !

This is based on the novel of the same name by Michael Cunningham, who also wrote "The Hours" - my favourite film. This is almost as good.
Colin Farrell plays Bobby, an emotionall fragile guy whose family died one by one when he was young. He was taken in by Jonathan's (Dallas Roberts) family and the boys have a sexual experience.
A few years later and Bobby goes to live with Jonathan in New York. He falls in love with his room-mate Claire (Robin Wright Penn). Jonathan is in love with Bobby and can't handle this so he leaves and goes to live with his parents. The trio reunite when Jonathan's father dies. They argue and Claire announces she was in love with Jonathan and is pregnant. They all move in together and become an "unusual family" (as Claire puts it). There's more but I won't spoil the ending for you.
I've never seen Colin Farrell in this kind of serious role before and he is really good. It's a complicated character to play and he is very convincing. The casting was good throughout, including getting kids who looked and acted very much like their adult counterparts for the start of the film.
Highly recommended.

Alfie (2004)

Not as bad as the critics would have you believe. I think this was voted Worst Remake Ever in one of the movie magazine's polls. I haven't seen the original so maybe that's why I feel differently. I'm not saying it's brilliant but it's certainly watchable.
Jude Law does a good job in the lead role. He's got the right amount of charm with an underlying dose of vulnerability which is just right. I wasn't prepared for how sad the film was going to be in places and I admit there was a wee tear in my eye at places. Susan Sarandon is perfect as the female "Alfie" who beats him at his own game.
Not bad at all.

The Incredibles

Actor . . . Role
Craig T. Nelson .... Bob Parr/Mr. Incredible
Holly Hunter .... Helen Parr/Elastigirl
Spencer Fox .... Dashiell 'Dash' Parr
Sarah Vowell .... Violet Parr
Eli Fucile and Maeve Andrews .... Jack Jack Parr
Samuel L. Jackson .... Lucius Best/Frozone
Jason Lee .... Buddy Pine/Syndrome
Wallace Shawn .... Gilbert Huph
Elizabeth Peña .... Mirage
Brad Bird .... Edna 'E' Mode

Go see this movie.

Right now. Don't delay.

Seriously. You should see this movie on the big screen and see it at full price. You won't be disappointed.

No spoilers below.

I had heard good things about this movie but I wasn't really sure I wanted to go see it. I thought I might just wait until it came out on video. I'm glad I didn't.

The animation, naturally (it IS Pixar, after all), was AMAZING. There was one scene involving the son running on water that seriously just took my breath away, it was so beautiful. I think I was concentrating more on the environment more than the action.
Because this is an animated picture and there wasn't an attempt to make the characters look "too human", the animators could have totally let a lot of things go but they didn't. Even the characters' hair was great.

The voice talents were perfect. Each actor/actress really brought their character to life and they really fit their characters. And it was the little touches that made all the difference. Like the fact that both the mother and daughter characters have a bit of a lisp (I wonder if that was deliberate on the part of the actress who played the daughter because Holly Hunter (who voiced the mother) has a bit of a lisp in her accent in real life). I kept waiting for the dad's boss (voiced by Wallace Shawn) to break out with "Inconceivable!" but he never did. But the person who stole the show for the brief time s/he was in the movie was Edna Mode (voiced by the director of the movie). All at once gruff, truthful, and hilariously happy, the character was just a hoot!

The plot was great. The movie did a really good job of showing how these "Supers" have the same problems that the normal people do. I can't say more than that without giving too much away.

And I hate to hype up a movie to such a degree that people will then have super high expectations of it, but this movie does deserve 5 halos.

Birth

Nicole Kidman plays a woman, Anna, who is planning to get married after her first husband has been dead for 10 years. Along comes a boy of 10 claiming to be her late husband and who doesn't want her to marry new bloke.
Not as disturbing as you might think. Sure, there are a couple of uncomfortable scenes, the one in the bath for instance, but overall the subject is dealt with as tastefully as it could be.
The pace is quite slow but the long shots where nothing happens are filled with evocative music. Best not to think about it too much, just let it wash over you. It reminded me of the film "It's All About Love", another one that you shouldn't think about too much or your brain will hurt.
(gripes and spoilers in the extended entry)

Anne Heche is very creepy in this. As soon as she appears onscreen, you know she's got something to do with it. Turns out not in the way you might think.
The explanation was good and I think it would have been fine to leave it like that, but they've kind of left it open. The boy still knew things that he wouldn't have been able to find out in the way that he knew the other things (trying not to give it away !), like where her husband died and how he recognized the woman that told Anna there wasn't a Santa Claus. So you'll never know if he was really the reincarnation or not. Pah.
And I really don't like Danny Huston's accent.

Godsend

directed by: Nick Hamm
113 minutes

Superstars: Greg Kinnear (I love you), Rebecca Romaijn, Robert DeNiro.

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I bet you a dollar if you're over 35...you probably enjoyed this movie.....

...otherwise... not so much.

Godsend is what I call an 'over xxx' age film because they predicably appeal to those in a certian age bracket. Here are the main points.

Career couple
single child
man up for promotion/job change/moving cities
mad scientist professor from 'back in college' days
kid birthdays
freak accident
cloning

I am being very vague/general when I type the above only because I am not of the stereotypical age where all of the above is important to me. I can't react obsessively to losing a child when I've never had a child to be obsessed over. I'm not married, my husband is not being plagued by a midlife career change, and if I found out I was a clone...I'd be a bit pissed off.

First thing that irritated the crap out of me in this movie is poor Cameron Bright and being given a really lame annoying character to play. First thing out of my mouth was 'Oh boy, that kid is going to get annoying really quick'.

And he did.

Second thing that annoyed the crap out of me is the fact that the couple didn't have mobile phones (you see them wayy later in the movie). If you can afford to live in the city, be a career couple, and are as old as you are... don't you think you'd freakin' have MOBILE PHONES? Get with the freakin' time and place here people. Greg Kinnear's character didn't find out about his kid dying (pre clone) until he got off work. Realistically now... if something of that magnitude happened, you'd get contacted wayyy before then. and HELLO? MOBILE PHONES? Total wtf moment.

I admit, I was creeped out. It was the audio that got me not the actual content. I'm not one to easily predict the outcome of movies very easily (I'm too open to hoping to be caught off guard) but I nailed this one. I feel a bit bad that I didn't give this movie a better chance to redeem itself but 5 minutes into the movie I wanted to turn it off.

Way. Too. Predicable.

And poor poor Cameron Bright. I'm soooo sorry you got a shit character to play. I hope your career keeps going and is as bright for you as your last name.

1halo 4 pitchforks

But I'm a Cheerleader

Directed by: Jamie Babbit
85 minutes

Superstarrs:

Natasha Leonne (american Pie, party monster), Clea Du Vall (Girl interruped, the grudge, 21 grams), out of drag RuPaul (I love you RuPaul!!!), Melanie Lynskey (Sweet home alabama, coyote ugly, everafter).....

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Step One: Admit you're a homosexual.

I like this movie because it starts off as kinda annoying in that sugary 1950's, everything's aiight in the world kinda way and then, because I had no idea what direction the movie was going to go, everything made sense and I figured it out. I do recall saying something like 'ahhh I get it now'. Took me a second.

So, Natasha Leonne's character Megan is just your ordinary average christian cheerleader. She's got good grades, she's dating a star football player, and she's popular. I wouldn't be suprised if she baked cookies and rescued animals from burning buildings either. She's just *that* perfect.

Unfortunately, unbeknownst to her, her parents and her friends have noticed something a bit...strange about her. Quickly everyone gathers together for an intervetion technique.

Straight is Great!

That's right folks, she gets sent to True Directions, a gay gone straight rehabilitation program, structured to get the gay out of kids before they get sent into the real world.

The pure rediculousness and total utter stereotypes is hilarious and the way the stepping programm is set up is crazy. Hooray group therapy! Hooray root problems! Men and women should be in traditional roles, something gone astray is the cause of homosexuality. It's all confusion.

But there's underlying conflicts. People shouldn't lie about who they are, but everyone's doing it so they don't get disowned by their parents. Even still love develops, and we learn that there's an 'underground homo railroad' run by two ex ex True Direction kids. These guys take the kids out clubbing so they can relax and just be who they are.

RuPaul is head of the male sector and I love him. That's about that. Nothing like seeing one of the world's biggest drag queens, out of drag, teaching gay boys how to be manly. (crotch adjust).

The overall moral of this movie, once you get over the utter sillyness of the stereotypes (totally funny), and the annoying bell music, and natasha leonne's hairdo.... is 'Just be yourself'. Don't lie to fit into society. You are your own person.

3 halo's 2 pitchforks.

Layer Cake

A smart British gangster movie. Well worth seeing.

Daniel Craig plays the lead role and it's not until the end of the movie that you realise you never hear the character's name. Clever little trick. He's a drug dealer who likes to keep his nose clean (so to speak) by not actually dealing with the criminals directly. The one cliche in the movie is that he's doing one last job before going straight (yeah, yeah, yeah) but his boss has other plans. He wants him to find his rival's daughter so he can hold her hostage (although we don't find this out until later) and also has a deal with an amateur who has ripped off some Serbian war criminals.
Unlike most of these "Brit-gangster" films, this one is unpredictable. You never know what's coming next and if you think you've guessed, you're wrong. The only let-down really is making a likeable drug dealer.

The Grudge

Sarah Michelle Gellar .... Karen Davis
Jason Behr .... Doug
William Mapother .... Matthew Williams
Clea DuVall .... Jennifer Williams
KaDee Strickland .... Susan Williams
Grace Zabriskie .... Emma Williams
Bill Pullman .... Peter Kirk
Rosa Blasi .... Maria Kirk
Ted Raimi .... Alex
Ryo Ishibashi .... Detective Nakagawa
Yoko Maki .... Yoko
Yuya Ozeki .... Toshio Saeki
Takako Fuji .... Kayako Saeki
Takashi Matsuyama .... Takeo Saeki

I'll keep a short review above the cut for those who don't want to be spoiled and I'll do a more detailed review below the cut with spoilers.

According to the title cards in the beginning of the movie, Japanese culture states that a curse is born whenever anyone dies in the midst of a powerful rage or sadness. This curse touches anyone who comes in contact with it and usually ends in death for those involved.

Plot wise, this movie was pretty lame, hence the 3 halo rating. There were some big gaps. The dialogue and acting, at times, was laughable. The character development was fairly non-existent.

The music was suspenseful and added to the mood, but you always knew when a scary part was coming (which, in my case, worked for me, so I'm not really going to complain about that).

The visuals, however, were what made the movie. The way certain scenes were filmed were just creepy even when something freaky didn't happen.

I watched a good portion of this movie between my fingers (because it's supposed to be less scary that way). Except that it didn't really work.

Acting, Character Development, Dialogue, and Plot:

Sarah Michelle Gellar, who has shown some great acting chops on Buffy, doesn't really shine here. She does manage to look scared and freaked out at times, but most of the time, she just looks bored.

None of the other actors are really given a chance to develop their characters.
SMG's boyfriend is barely seen in the movie, yet we're supposed to buy that she loves him so much that she agreed to follow him to Japan. The main thing that bugged me is that they specifically had a scene of him smoking, but they only did it once. Basically, they only did it to set up something in the end. I hate that. Everytime we saw him, he should've been smoking. Don't break out the smoking plot device for one scene and then drop it.

The family that buys the house is pretty much there to provide a reason for the bad things to happen. You never really find out much about them. Not that you really need to because the point is really to show how EEEEVILLL the house is.

I'm wondering if the dialogue isn't so great because something got lost in the translation from Japanese to American.

The whole idea that the house is cursed and that great tradgedy (i.e., death) befalls anyone who comes into contact with it is fine, but wouldn't there be a whole lot more unexplained deaths that make people go "hmmm..."? I mean, there were cops all over the place. Wouldn't all those cops mysteriously dying or disappearing have made people figure out the connection right away?

Music and Visuals:

The music was too loud in places and pretty much told you when bad things were going to happen. Again, like I said, I'm not complaining about that because it helped me to know when to cover my eyes.

Visually, though, the film was stunning. I mean, the scenes with the little kid were just ultimately the creepiest. Because a kid who opens his mouth and yowls like a cat is freaky. Especially when his jaw unhinges. And of course, the scene where the murdered woman is crawling down the stairs is very much like the scene in The Ring when the girl crawls out of the tv.

Overall, I'd say watch this movie without the sound. But then again, that might be even creepier. You might need the music queues and the lack of plot to help keep you grounded in a bit of reality so that you're not completely freaked out.

And for those of you who don't care about a scary spoiler and how it applies to my life last night, feel free to leave a comment and I'll email you with the details.

Casa De Los Babys

Directed, written and edited by John Sayles
Rita Moreno .... Señora Muñoz
Bruno Bichir .... Diómedes
Daryl Hannah .... Skipper
Lili Taylor .... Leslie
Mary Steenburgen .... Gayle
Marcia Gay Harden .... Nan
Maggie Gyllenhaal .... Jennifer
Susan Lynch .... Eileen

Casa De Los Babys follows the story of 6 women (5 American and 1 Irish) who have been living in a Latin American country for a couple of months, hoping to adopt a baby.

John Sayles' writing is thought provoking and meaningful. He manages to present all sides of the story without being heavy handed and not too biased. I say "not too biased" because I felt that the characters themselves provided a bit of a bias. The hopeful mothers are portrayed as very sympathetic characters whereas the opposition to the idea of wealthy Americans buying Latino babies comes from a character who is slovenly and militant.

The acting is exceptional from all parties, especially the street kids (who were real street kids and not actors). John Sayles is very good at working with young children and it shows in the scenes with the street kids. The ensemble cast of the mothers is fantastic. Each one brings a different nuance to her character, yet still manages to convey the desperation of wanting a baby.

The movie feels, at times, almost like a documentary, especially when dealing with the "locals" mainly due to the camera work and the editing.

While I do enjoy most of John Sayles work, I do believe that he could have benefited from an outside editor. There are too many groups of people that we're supposed to care about. The mothers, the hotel owner and her son, the lawyer who's helping the women broker the baby deals, the staff at the hotel, the 15 year old girl who gets pregnant, the out of work man who wants to live in America, the street kids, even the babies themselves. The movie shows you all of these groups and at times it gets to be a little boring. Granted, these groups are interconnected and some affect others. There is a point for having all these groups to tell a complete story but it does, at times, pull focus from the main story.

Team America: World Police

Directed By: Trey Parker

107 Minutes

Action/comedy/musical

________________________________________________________

Be disturbed.

Be very disturbed.

_______________________________________________________________
Who knew a movie using solely marionette puppets could be so....sooo.... gah I don't even know!

Matt and Trey said it best when they were on the Last Call with Carson Daily show a few nights ago.

'If you can survive the first 5 minutes, you should be fine. Otherwise just leave.' (not exact quote)

I had a wee think on that and it's true. It's so cheesy and offensive and... OFFENSIVE. I was sitting in my seat much like I was when I first watched South Park, Bigger Longer Uncut, my mouth flapping open in that 'wholy shit' kinda way, and completely in awe like a kid in a candy store because I absolutely adore Matt and Trey's work as much as I adore Quentin Terantino's.

Everything down to the little details of set design (hello croissant paving in France), to the noticeable South Park crossovers (hello montage sequence as seen similarily in episode ASSpen of S.P-and Kim Jong Il's character sounding suspiciously like the City Wok owner) was totally cool. Even the little screw up's like puppet's not hitting their marks properly and walking into dooways on accident have been kept in. And once again NO ONE get's left behind in being made fun of. Michael Moore suicide bombs himself, Helen Hunt sword fights, Sean Penn get's attaked by panthers. I caught the World Police's rediculous bomb-everything-to-go-after-terroists routine to reflect a bit of how I feel Americans in general are going about fighting terror oveseas and Hello? Why doesn't anyone pay attention to Korea? Duh.

The musical sequences, though shorter than I would have enjoyed, were funny (just listen to the lyrics), and completely up to par with all of Trey's lyrical concoctions. From rock hard anthems to sappy country-like tunes a Parker-Stone film wouldn't be complete without them.

Not to mention a very.. em. Interesting sex scene.

Yep. Sex with Puppets. We'll leave it at that.

To be fully honest. I don't think this movie is for everyone. Definetely no kids, Definetely no hardcore conservatives. Definetely no one going into the film expecting one thing when the whole damned film will knock you on your ass and ask for second helpings. Not even a lot of highschoolers I know should watch this because it's just that bad. I even had a hard time grasping not only the puppet part (beautiful puppets too), but following everything to be said. I don't really think it's a political film though there are some political figures in it and once again, Matt and Trey out do themselves with pissing off a whole lot of people. This whole fearlessness is why I adore them so much. If people whine about their films, they stand by the fact that people should just not watch them.

This is definetely a film that will need at least two viewings to absorb and form opinions over. Until then, hang in there. You will get knocked on your ass, or just want to leave. You will most likely get offended. You will laugh and be merry and you will sit there at one point with your mouth hanging open going 'wtf?!?'. Keep an open mind and go into the theatre with no expectations.

The Butterfly Effect

Ashton Kutcher .... Evan Treborn
Melora Walters .... Andrea Treborn
Amy Smart .... Kayleigh Miller
Elden Henson .... Lenny Kagan
William Lee Scott .... Tommy Miller

There might be spoilers in this review. Read at your own risk.

I remember when I first saw the trailer for this film (Dec 2003 b/c the movie was leased in Jan 2004). Even though I'm not a big Ashton Kutcher fan, I wanted to see it because it seemed like an interesting idea.

However, once the movie came out, every single review I saw for this movie panned it. Not one reveiw was favorable. So, I decided to skip it. I should've known better than to read the opinions on the IMDB boards. Holy cow are those people vitriolic!

Based on a scientific chaos theory known as The Butterfly Effect, which in turn is based a little bit on a Ray Bradbury short story called A Sound of Thunder, this movie follows the life of Evan Treborn. He routinely blacks out and because of these memory lapses, is encouraged to keep journals. He and his friends get into several bad situations and Evan eventually ends up moving away.
Fast forward to college. Evan is a Psych major who has gone 7 years without a black out. Perusing his old journals, he discovers he has the ability to travel back in time to that point. Using this knowledge, he goes back in time at several points to try to change the course of events. But of course, every time he goes back, something changes and not everything comes out the way he planned. He finally decides that he's the cause of the issues and goes back one last time to try to fix everything. The version I watched was the Director's Cut, which had some added scenes and a completely different ending.

Ashton Kutcher surprised me. He showed some real emotion in this film and didn't come off at all smug, which he tends to do. In one scene with the 3rd incarnation of Kayleigh (the heroin junkie prostitute), the emotion he gave to his character made me cry (which, ok, isn't really hard to do).

However, it is the acting of the younger versions of the adults that really stands out in this movie. Not only do they look like younger versions of their older counterparts, you can see the characteristics in the younger characters that carried over into the older characters. I'm not sure if that's the talent of the older actors or not, but either way, it really makes the movie work.

The plot itself does have some holes but you can overlook them because the time travel element is tricky and who's to say the holes aren't intentional?

I really liked the ending as well. I know that the theatrical release had a different ending (I discussed it with Susan before I watched this version) and that some people preferred the theatrical release to the Director's Cut version, but I thought both seemed to work well.

The special effects were great, especially the way they show the transition from present to past when Evan travels.

The prison scenes were a bit too long and too annoying to watch sometimes but other than that, this was a pretty decent movie.

Girl With A Pearl Earring

Colin Firth .... Johannes Vermeer
Scarlett Johansson .... Griet
Tom Wilkinson .... Van Ruijven
Judy Parfitt .... Maria Thins
Cillian Murphy .... Pieter
Essie Davis .... Catharina
Joanna Scanlan .... Tanneke
Alakina Mann .... Cornelia

Based on the novel by Tracy Chevalier, Girl With A Pearl Earring tells the fictional story of the maid who inspired one of Vermeer's more famous paintings.

The acting by the main two leads in this movie is superb. Scarlett Johansson shines as the servant who shares a love of color with her employer, played by Colin Firth. Colin Firth does a good job of portraying both the angst and joy of being a painter trying to support his family. The other characters, such as Vermeer's wife, children, and mother-in-law, are not so fleshed out but you still get a sense of the family and master/servant dynamic.

The cinematography was brilliant! There are scenes in the movie that were filmed to look like some of Vermeer's paintings, including the pearl earring shot. Color and lighting were used to convey certain moods as well as class distinctions.

The only complaints I have about this movie are that while there some scenes which go on far too long, the movie itself feels very short (and as a society that's getting used to movies that are 2+ hours, this movie at 1:36 might be). There are things that I know about the characters and the plot because I've read the book that aren't explained in the movie and because of this, the movie sometimes feels like it's missing something.

Overall, an enjoyable experience.

Ae Fond Kiss

The new Ken Loach film.

Set in good old Glasgow the story revolves around an interracial relationship between a white Irish woman (and what a gorgeous one she is too !) and a Scot-Asian man and all the complications and trouble it causes for both sides.
I get the feeling that most of the supporting cast aren't actually actors. If they are then they're bad ones, but it's effective anyway because I felt like I was watching it as it happens because of the familiar setting. Gerard Kelly's fanatic Catholic priest is both funny and scary because you can believe that some people actually say things like that, eg. "You can go and teach the Protestants !".
This film is both funny and touching and certainly much better than Loach's previous effort, the dreadful "Sweet Sixteen". Worth a look.

Hero

"Perhaps the most beautiful film ever made" it says on the poster.

It's true you know. I've never seen anything like it. It's made by the same people that did "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" so there's the same swordfighting whilst flying through the air on wires (but this time you can't see the wires !) and the story is set 2000 years ago in feudal China. It centers on the Jet Li character who comes to the king's court having slain the 3 most deadly assassins Sky, Flying Snow and Broken Sword. Naturally the king wants to know how he achieved such a feat. Cue flashbacks and lots of fighting in beautiful locations, like the chesshouse in the rain and the library in Zhao. The colours are so vivid and the effects are superb. I'm not going to spoil any of the plot because it actually has one so go see it for yourself.

De-Lovely

"There's something wild about you child that's so contagious. Let's be outrageous ! Let's misbehave !"
My favourite Cole Porter line.

This is the biopic of Cole Porter starring Kevin Kline, Ashley Judd, Jonathan Pryce and a host of musical guests including Robbie Williams, Alanis Morrisette, Elvis Costello and Sheryl Crow (also Lemar and Mick Hucknall but let's just close our eyes and ears for the blessedly brief moments they're on screen).
It starts with an elderly, possible already dead (it's never quite explained) Cole reliving his memories with an old friend and commenting on them throughout, sometimes wanting to change them. We see him meeting his wife and their romance, his gay affairs, his opening nights and his decline after the death of his wife. Kevin Kline was the best possible choice for this role, never overly camp and never underly dashing. Ashley Judd is very good at the tragic figure and most of the musical appearances are fitting with some people almost unrecognisable, but in a good way.
It's funny, touching and the music is great. It's de-lovely ! Go see it.

Hidalgo

Snore. I'm too sleepy to write this review. Boring.
First of all, what terrible special effects. This was meant to be an epic yet the backgrounds look fake (you can even see the outline of the actors) and as for the CGI tigers, well if I wanted Hidalgo the video game I'd have been happy but I didn't and so I'm not. I could probably have done a better job using my own PC.
I'm so bored I can't even be bothered to outline the plot. Blah blah man on a horse, blah blah people insult horse, blah blah man enters horse in ridiculous race, couple of women, some bad guys with stupid accents, stunt stunt stunt, horse nearly dies, makes unbelievable recovery in nick of time, good guy wins, moral ending.
Oh and to those who might still watch it because they fancy Viggo Mortenson - don't bother, he looks like crap. And he's boring.

Spellbound

I'm not big into documentaries but I heard really good things about this one and had to see it.

Filmed in 1999, released in 2000, this documentary follows 8 American kids as they prepare for the ultimate prize, $10,000 and the winner of the Howard Scripps National Spelling Bee.

The preparation these kids go through is outstanding. The kids come from varied backgrounds but their dedication to learning and their desire to win (well, with the exception of one girl who is somewhat apathetic about it all) connects them. There are also interviews with the parents and siblings. Seeing their personal lives and getting to know them and their families through interviews just gets you that more invested when they finally get to Washington DC and the competition starts.

Once the competition starts, you find yourself pulling for your favorites (and believe me, you'll have them). You find that you're holding your breathe and biting your nails every time the kids go up to spell a word. And you definitely find yourself sad when the kids misspell words. When the kid I couldn't stand was eliminated, I genuinely felt bad because it seemed like s/he missed an easy word, considering all the other words that were being thrown at him/her.

I didn't get to watch any of the extras (the DVD kept freezing on the bonus features) so I sent it back and had Netflix send me another copy.

Overall, this was a very enjoyable documentary that didn't judge the participants and showed that hard work and dedication transcend racial, cultural, and religious boundaries.

Gormenghast: fantasy or our own colourful world?

I just finished watching a mini-series called Gormenghast (looks like pbs showed it as a two parter, but its really 4 episodes)

I love this series. I haven't read the books and there are things that I suspect are concluded in the novels, such as what happens between the Professor and Irma Prunesquallor.

The madness of the film is elevated by the set design and the use of colours; particularly the costumes. As the decidedly omnipresent Steerpike becomes more "evil", his uniforms gradually change from white to black. Fuschia dressed eternally in red to express her passion, the doctor in blue expressing loyalty are other examples. The use of stone to identify the city and the forest to define freedom are also excellent uses of metaphor.

His hunger for equality is brilliantly displayed as Steerpike's ravenous consumption of a pear upon obtaining his freedom forshadow his desires. His only other moment of obvious hunger is near the end of the final episode when he begs Fuschia for a bite once he realizes he's trapped. His love her is measured by the deaths of her family's entourage; those that would oppress or repress them both. As a daughter, she is not seen as worthy of any attention. Her father, in his madness forgets then denies her very lineage. The only time we are shown that her mother does love her is by the one tear that is shed upon the ken that she has died.

Historically speaking, owls are considered the symbol for rape. The extrapolation of rape as viewed psychologically, is significant when the 76th Earl (Sir Richardson) falls into madness and proclaims being the leader of the owls. He gives himself over to them.

Christopher Lee is amazing as Flay. For such a scholarly actor, his character is limited to choppy phrases that emphasize only the important. This is balanced by Dr. Prunesquallor's extensive vocabulary.

Mervyn Peak was brilliant in use of names to describe his novel's characters. It allows the director to forgo what could become needed exposition.

Each of the characters, though complicated, demonstrate our own modern desires and needs. Love, lust, sexual frustration, abuse of all sorts, single parenthood etc. Our passions for success by any means, or perhaps by the only means we know is profoundly executed.

A film that delves into the conflict between tradition and caste provides both a modern and historical view of how the more things change the more they remain the same. The man who would love his city to the very end is deemed not worthy of even a moment in time; whereby, the one who inherits it, abhors it.

Titus, the 77th expresses it perfecty when he states that it is true, Steerpike should have been the son, he was the only one who loved Gormenghast and would do anything for it. In his mind, Gormenghast was both the city and Fuschia. He could have neither.

d~

The Terminal

Tom Hanks is in this film !

Catherine Zeta-Jones is hardly in this film (but Tom Hanks is !). She's
probably only got about 20 minutes total screen time which is a shame
because she's looking rather good these days. She's still an annoying bint but you just put your fingers in your ears.
So Hollywood has taken a true story and given it the Spielberg makeover (Tom Hanks is in it !). A guy from a non-existent former Russian republic lands in America only to be detained by customs because there was a coup in his country whilst he was in the air and his passport is no longer valid. Cue lots of hilarious (!) misunderstandings and scenarios where everything goes wrong for the guy (played by Tom Hanks !), he learns to speak English (I speak English. I learn it from a book !), gets a job, is adopted and looked after by airport staff, and falls in love with Catherine Zeta-Jones.
But of course it wouldn't be story without a dastardly villain waiting to thwart every move and this comes in the form of Stanley Tucci, the soon-to-be promoted head of immigration. Instead of doing anything at all to help the guy (Tom Hanks !), and I do mean ANYTHING, he tries to get him to leave the airport by various means (attempting to starve him by cutting off his money-making scheme of returning luggage trolleys) so he can arrest him and deport him even though he (Tom Hanks !) has done nothing wrong. I could actually believe American authorities would behave this way which is the sad thing, detaining a guy for bureaucratic reasons for 9 months.
Still, this is Hollywood and we all know he's going to be allowed to leave eventually. And so he does but in a shock-horror break with tradition, he doesn't get the girl. You shameless hussy Catherine Zeta-Jones ! Don't you know he's Tom Hanks ?! Or is he maybe just a little young for you ?
Did I mention Tom Hanks was in this film ?!

(I like exclamation marks btw.)

Man On Fire

Denzel Washington .... Creasy
Dakota Fanning .... Pita
Marc Anthony .... Samuel
Radha Mitchell .... Lisa
Christopher Walken .... Rayburn
Giancarlo Giannini .... Manzano
Rachel Ticotin .... Mariana
Mickey Rourke .... Jordan


The story:
An ex-military man, disillusioned by his job and driven to drink, takes a job as a bodyguard to a young girl. He bonds with the young girl and, when she is kidnapped and allegedly killed, swears vengence on anyone who was involved or in any way profited from her kidnapping and alleged death.

Acting: EXCELLENT!!!
Denzel brings so much emotion out of this character. I found myself getting sad when he was sad, happy when he was happy, pissed off when he was pissed off. I was even rooting for him when he was killing everyone left and right.
Dakota Fanning got me all invested in her character, so much so that I was freaking out when she got kidnapped. I predict good things for her in the future, provided she doesn't fall into the child actor traps of either getting not so cute when she gets older, losing her money, or getting into drugs/alcohol.
Christopher Walken can do no wrong in my eyes. He had a very small part in this film but his performance was great. But then again, I have that unnatural obsession with him. Even if this had turned out to be a crappy movie, I would still love him.
Hell, even Marc Anthony gave a great performance.

Directing/Editing: Amazing.
Tony Scott doesn't insult the viewer's intelligence by putting in "rib shots" (poke you in the rib clues to see if you get the plot). Instead, he lets the story tell itself and leads you and the characters to the conclusion together.

The only nitpick I have is that it took FOREVER to get to the end once Denzel's character decided to go kill everyone. And at 2:25, this was already a long movie.
I highly recommend this movie.

Gangster No. 1

Now that the Olympics are over and I've stalled in the reading of literature, my Netflix subscription is no longer going to waste. I am now getting to the movies that have been waiting me to view for over 2 months.

Last night, I watched Gangster No. 1, with Malcom McDowell (A Clockwork Orange, Hidalgo, Bobby Jones: Stroke of Genius) portraying Old Gangster and Paul Bettany (A Knight's Tale, Master & Commander: The Far Side of the World, Wimbeldon) portraying Young Gangster.

Malcolm McDowell .... Old Gangster 55
David Thewlis .... Freddie Mays
Paul Bettany .... Young Gangster 55
Saffron Burrows .... Karen


The story follows the life of a young man (Bettany) who joins the gang of the infamous Freddie Mays aka The Butcher of Mayfair (David Thewlis) in 1968 and his subsequent rise to the top of the organized crime chain.

The acting in this movie was superb! I can't believe Paul Bettany wasn't nominated for anything for this movie. He is so freaking intense and scary, yet at the same time, you see his vulnerability and low self esteem. Malcom McDowell is equally as intense and vulnerable as the older version of Bettany's character. David Thewlis was excellent as Freddie Mays. You got the idea that he'd kill you just as easily as he'd kiss you. It was a little odd seeing him play a "bad guy" since the only other thing I'd seen him in was Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban as Professor Lupin.

The storyline got a little dry in places. When the gangsters are all just handing around and talking, it gets a bit boring. Also, character development isn't a big thing. There's no background on the Young Gangster, so you really have no idea why he's so intent on taking over Mays' operation. The cinematography was a bit jumpy in places but the acting pulled you through.

I will warn you though. This is a VERY violent movie. I mean, I'm not squeamish when it comes to blood and hacking off body parts and stuff (unless said body parts are broken and sticking out at wrong angles) but this was making me a bit uncomfortabe. That's why it's getting 3 halos (for the acting) and 2 pitchforks (violence, dry writing/storyline).

Picnic at Hanging Rock

In my " let's watch another movie about Australia" kick, I watched Picnic at Hanging Rock last night. On February 14, 1900, a party of schoolgirls set out to picnic at Hanging Rock. 3 of the girls and a teacher went missing and only 1 girl was found, alive but with no memory of what happened. There are conflicting reports as to whether or not the incident really happened or not, but this movie is based on a book of the same name.

I was interested in seeing this movie for 2 reasons: Peter Weir directed it and I like movies that present theories as to what might have happened at an unexplained event.

I was slightly disappointed in the latter case. The movie really just presents the timeline of what happened and doesn't offer any sort of theory or explanation of what happened to the girls or their teacher.

And again, I was subjected to really long shots of the Australian fauna and flora. The only shots of the countryside I enjoyed were the shots of Hanging Rock itself because it looked somewhat sinister and that made it feel like the place was alive and eeeevil.

The editing was a bit disjointed and the dialogue was a bit stilted as well.

Overall, I'd say watch the movie if you've got 1:47 to spare and are interested in unexplainable stories.

Movie: Pecker

Directed by
John Waters
(1998)

Superstars: Edward Furlong (Pet Cemetary, terminator, American history X), Christina Ricci (200 Cigarettes, Sleepy Hollow, Prozac Nation), Mary Kay Place (Sweet Home Alabama, Junk, Girl Interrupted, Being John Malkovich), Martha Plimpton (I LOVE YOU!!!), Lili Taylor (4 Rooms, High Fidelity, The Haunting)...and a million others.

If you like photography (And I know you photo-sluts out there totally do!) you'll appreciate the quirk to this movie. Plus, Edward Furlong! and CHRISTINA RICCI! And.... MARTHA PLIMPTON! I need new underpants.

Moving along now.

So Pecker (Edward) is an average Baltimore boy, just chillin' out taking photos on a used 35 mm in his spare time and working at a hole-in-the-wall sandwich shop. His girlfriend (Christina) is just your average obsessed-with-her-job laundromat gal. His family is your average... *unique* family complete with a sugarholic (Lil chrissy), a fag hag (Martha), a disgruntled bartender (dad), and a thrifty bum-loving mother (mom). Oh yeah. and Pit beef Gramaw.

Sawiiit!

Anyway... follow Pecker along the road to superstardom. He has a little 'art show' at work where lo and behold he's scouted by a really big talent scout (Lili) who buys one photo for 50 bucks. Which turns into a big show in New York, which turns Pecker into the MR. PHOTOGRAPHY THANG. SHABAM!

But fame and fortune have it's downfalls. His relationship with his girlfriend goes downhill, his sister gets fired from her job, Lil Chrissy doesn't want a soda anymore, all the New York snobs invade Baltimore AAAAKKKK!

I want the soundtrack.

whoah I got sidetracked...

Pecker, wanting everything to go back to normal declines an artshow for the whitney (wtf that is) and decides to put on an art show of his own right there in Baltimore. After all, his photos are of 'everyday life'... what can he have up his sleeve? (snicker). all the rich snobby art freaks get bussed down to dad's bar and we'll just let you finish the movie yourself.

I like movies with quirk, wit and humour and this movie is full of it. chock block full of it. If this movie was a tasty burrito I wouldn't be able to get my mouth around it cos it's just jam-packed with so much going on. Makes me kinda wanna pit beef sandwich. Or a soda.

It's definetely a good pick me up on a rainy day.

Movie: ELECTION

Directed by
Alexander Payne
(1999)

Superstars: Matthew Broderick (If you don't know who Matthew Broderick is shame on you!), Reece Witherspoon (Legally Blonde, Sweet Home Alabama, vanity fair), Chris Klein (American Pie).

If any of you out there have been to highschool... you will quickly recognise and remember the overachieving, psycho-maniac, perfectionist no school can live without, or escape.

PICK FLICK!

This movie is by far one of my FAVOURITE movies of all time. That aside, I am not biased, I am merely here to provide you with enough information to make you guys go out and rent it AT ONCE.

If you don't... this potted plant dies! BWAH HA HA HAHAHAHAHAH.

Seriously now.

(clears throat).

Tracy Flick (Adorably cute Reece Witherspoon), is THE SMARTEST student at Carver highschool. She's on like, every comittee and every club imaginable it's disgusting. Mr. McAllister (Superswell Matthew Broderick) is Carver High's numer one teacher (three years running). He's a bit tired of Tracy constantly winning everything. Not to mention she had an affair with his best friend and fellow teacher, causing him to lose his job and his marriage. No hard feelings right? ha ha.

Anyway, it's that time of year again and the student body is up for student government elections. Tracy is running un-opposed as student body president. She's sooo totally a shoo-in.

But wait! Mr. McAllister has sand in his vagina he doesn't think people like Tracy should be able to tramp on everyone to get to the top. Where's the democratics in that? He convinces a Jock with an injury (Chris Klein) to run opposition and in doing so.... creates quite a bit of drama.

An affair, a love triangle, broody teenage drama, a sabotaged election, WHOALLY CRAP ON A STICK MR. HAT! This movie is smack dab full of so many side details, and so much random bullshit it makes up for the fact that a lot of people don't understand my obsession with it. Also... COME ON! We all know those people who just get everything. It's funny!

Please, for the love of this potted plant. Rent the damned movie. I will freely admit it's a bit on the random, 'huh?' side of things to watch but it's worth it.

The Motorcycle Diaries - Diarios De Motocicleta

Before Che Guevara became a revolutionary, he took a trip across South America with a friend on a motorcycle. This is based on the diaries he kept whilst travelling.
This is a really interesting road movie, quite different from any other I've seen. The scenery is spectacular, especially the scene where they arrive at Machu Pichu. It's very eerie, almost as if you're there with them. The film does a good job of showing how he changed from an idealistic, privileged young man to one with a social conscience through scenes where he meets poverty-stricken communists searching for work and works at a leper colony. The interactions between the actors and the people have a documentary feel to them and I wouldn't be surprised if these were actually real people, not actors.
This film is about the man before the revolution and it does a great job of setting it up. I'm sure there'll be a sequel before too long. Highly recommended.

Movie Review- Freddy Vs. Jason

I’ve been thinking long and hard on how to start this review. I figured out the best way to do that is to ask, “When did horror movies stop being scary?”

Ok, maybe that question isn’t entirely fair because you get the sense that Freddy Vs. Jason wasn’t supposed to be scary. You get the idea that is more of a parody of itself and its genre. But you would think that a movie with Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees would be just a tiny bit scary.

Now, granted, Freddy Krueger never really scared me. I’ve always found the Nightmare on Elm Street movies to be gory and lots of fun to watch, but I was never really scared. Jason, on the other hand, scared me shitless. There were times in my youth when I couldn’t even look out the window in fear there would be some machete-wielding maniac standing outside. But it was a good kind of scared, the fun kind, so when I got the chance to watch Freddy and Jason in the same movie, I was all for it.

The premise of the movie is this… Freddy (Played once again by the wonderful Robert Englund) is in Hell and still filled with bloodlust. However, he has no power, he can’t enter dreams anymore because no one’s afraid of him. See, the parents of Springwood have erased all memory of Freddy- no one speaks his name and everyone who has had any kind of contact with him is sent to a mental hospital where they are given drugs that keep them from dreaming. Without that fear, Freddy can’t enter dreams. So, Freddy devises a way to bring fear back into the lives of the Springwood kids. He does so by resurrecting Jason (played this time around by Kevin Kerzinger), appearing as Jason’s mother, telling him that the kids on Elm St. have been very, very bad. So, off Jason goes, to the home of Lori Campbell, whose parents are predictably absent (Mom is dead, Dad is on a business trip). We meet Lori and her friends, hear a very brief, almost throw-away mention of a boyfriend who suddenly disappeared, and soon, the bloody hijinks begin. Eventually, after Jason does away with a few of Freddy’s victims before he can get to them, Freddy gets a little pissed with Jason. So, Lori and her friends devise a way to pit Freddy and Jason against each other.

The movie does have a few redeeming qualities. There are a couple funny moments, such as the scene in which the heroes have just survived a massacre in a cornfield (complements of Jason) and one of the teenagers says, “Man, that goalie was pissed off about something!” This same teen is one of my gripes about the movie. We’ve never met this kid, he just seems to have sprung up out of nowhere… we’re not introduced to this kid at all, but suddenly he’s one of the main characters halfway through the movie.

As for the actors, well, they’re most a forgettable bunch, with a couple expections. Jason Ritter (Joan of Arcadia, also John Ritter’s son) is decent as Lori’s long lost boyfriend, Will and Monica Keena (Dawson’s Creek), who portrayed Lori, was likeable. The rest of the gang- Kelly Rowland (of Destiny’s Child), Chris Marquette, Mark Davis, Katharine Isabelle, and Lochlyn Munro (as a very naïve cop) are just what you would expect from a horror movie cast- bland and not very memorable.

Party Monster 2003

Directed by
Fenton Bailey
Randy Barbato

Superstars: Seth Green (Buffy, Austin Powers... he's all over the place), Macaulay Culkin (Home Alone, broadway, RichieRich, MyGirl), Marilyn Manson, Wilmer Valderrama (That 70's show), Dylan McDermott (Three to Tango, The Practice), Natasha Leone (Amerian Pie, Scary Movie) and a billion others.

Documentary. This is the true story of one naughty bad murdering club kid (Michael Alig) and his downward spiral into drugs, parties, and glamour.

Average Joe from Indiana meets underground 80's club scene in New York City.

It's fantastic, it's glamourous, it's sparkly! The music, the lights! Oh the drugs. MMMMM the drugs.

Kid promoter goes from shitty thrown-together-barely-breaking-even raves to extravagant huge parties...EVERYWHERE.

I have found a whole new deep respect for Macaulay Culkin after watching him in this movie. He's extravagant. He's bisexual. He's half naked a lot of the time. He wears more glitter than I'd know what to do with (and we all know I love glitter). My darling Seth Green is just as glamourous and just as poofy. James St. James he is, the man who wrote the book, the man who sent Michael to jail in the first place.

When you're so high, and your ego gets so big... you think you're unstoppable. Untouchable. When Michael started bragging to everyone about murdering his drug dealer no one believed him at first. Hey. With crazy Michael around who knows what's real or fake...it could just be publicity for one of his mega parties. WOOO HOOOO I'M SO THERE! But wait. Dead body alert. Hmmmm......

I give this movie 's of sheer and utter brilliance.

If you don't like sex, drugs, raves, boys in drag and murder, don't bother with this movie.

If you'd like to see Macaulay's sweet ass, sparkly glamtabulous fabulousness, and Marylin Manson's uber (yet brief) comedic character Christina... please see this movie.

Ned Kelly

Directed by Gregor Jordan
Heath Ledger .... Ned Kelly
Orlando Bloom .... Joe Byrne
Geoffrey Rush .... Francis Hare
Naomi Watts .... Julia Cook
Joel Edgerton .... Aaron Sherritt
Laurence Kinlan .... Dan Kelly
Phil Barantini .... Steve Hart

An account of Australia's most famous Bushranger, Ned Kelly.

This movie was filmed and released overseas about a year before it made it to the U.S. The U.S. released it as an art house movie, which meant that the average American wasn't going to see it at the local AMC. It did play at a very cool movie theatre in Hollywood, but I never made it while it was in the theatre those 2 days (I exaggerate, it was probably 3 days). [Diety of choice] bless that Netflix carries all kinds of foreign films so I was able to view this film without paying $20 (the theatre it was in was a really chi-chi kind of theatre).

And thank [diety of choice] for the fast forward button. As much as I love looking at sweeping landscapes of the Australian countryside, 5 minutes of a camera lingering on a tree branch up close and personal doesn't work for me. Plus, the fast forward button worked wonders when the acting of 2 of the characters/actors in the same scene **coughNaomiandHeathcough** got too stilted and boring.

The story and plot itself wasn't all that bad. It's not easy to tell the story of a cultural icon who is both loved and reviled equally by a nation (although Ned Kelly is probably revered more than he is reviled). It's also hard to be very historically accurate when the story is more than 100 years old and eyewitness accounts weren't very accurate. Unfortunately, this leaves some of the characters flat and not fleshed out.

Overall, I'd say it's worth a rental.
I give it 2 Halos (for the cinematography and acting of most of the actors) and 3 Pitchforks (for the lack of fleshed out characters and long boring montages).

Catwoman - by the numbers

OK, your standard superhero movie - you got your ordinary person before the superpowers arrive, shy, introverted, probably a bad dresser, maybe a bit ugly too. Check.
Then you get the accident that turns them into a superhero, usually involving a vat of chemicals. Check.
Add a freaky person who seems to know more about it than they let on (in this case, a crazy cat lady played by the mum from Six Feet Under). Check.
Then superhero person starts to behave weirdly, running up walls and beating cops at basketball. First hint to dumb cop - ordinary people don't run up walls. This is suspicious.
Baddies appear, bit of sanctimonious speech-making, somebody dies. Then it's time for a romantic interlude. Second hint to dumb cop - you are looking for a catwoman, the woman you just slept with just put clawmarks down your back. This is suspicious.
Superhero gets set up by baddie, fight scenes in pyjamas. Sod Halle Berry, Sharon Stone has still got it baby !
Dumb cop finally realises who Catwoman is, he has to do the right thing and he arrests her. She manages to escape from her cell because she is anorexic and can just slip through the bars. Note to cops : get iron doors instead of bars.
Final showdown, blah blah blah, baddie gets killed, Halle gets away with it. Kiss, kiss, oh no wait, I can't be with you cos I'm a superhero now and that's the way it goes.
Cue shot of skyline and moon.
THE END

Garden State

Garden State - Drama/Comedy

Written & Directed by Zach Braff

Starring: Zach Braff (Scrubs, Broken Hearts Club--a fantastic movie); Peter Sarsgaard (Boys Don't Cry, Man in the Iron Mask); Natalie Portman (New Star Wars, Where the Heart Is); Ian Holm (LotR, A Life Less Ordinary)

I'm not a good reviewer by any standards, so bear with me.

Braff stars as Andrew Largeman, a Los Angeles actor who doesnt really act, so much as work at a restaurant to pay bills. He receives a call from his father who informs him that his disabled mother has drowned in the bathtub. The movie follows Largeman's return home to an ice-cold relationship with his father, his fascinating childhood friends, and a new relationship with an epileptic girl named Sam.

The film overall is fantastic. It reminded me in many ways of a Wes Anderson movie. Quirky characters, witty dialogue, excellent cinematography. I was very impressed with Braff's ability to make ordinary characters stand out and become original. Their interaction with each other was believeble, and very funny! I very rarely connect with characters, but the personalities Braff created (which were so beautifully acted out) made me care--made me want to know how it all turns out.

As I've already said, the cinematography was wonderful. Nothing was over the top or lavish--just a perfect balance of everything the scene needed to be successful.

I'll admit, at times I was confused with the storyline. There seemed to be a few plot holes that never were filled in. But perhaps it was merely something I missed along the way. Either way, the holes didn't stop me from enjoying it. I'd definitely like to see it again--see if it means as much (or more) to me the second time through.

Lastly, the soundtrack is incredible. It very much fit the style of the movie (and my musical tastes, as well). Even if you don't enjoy the movie, the soundtrack is worth checking out. From laidback Simon and Garfunkel to soothing Remy Zero, heartfelt Colin Hay (former Men at Work singer), to upbeat Frou Frou, this compilation has something for everyone.

I give it:

Without a Paddle

I begin my maiden voyage into the reviewathonian world by giving props to the mad skillz our webmistress and fellow reviewers have. It aint easy telling people what to like all day but we do our best. Kinda like when I cook dinner. 'Just eat it and shut up'.

;)
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Without a Paddle COMEDY

Directed by....Steven Brill

Superstars: Dax Shepard (mtv-couldn't really find much more info about him), Matthew Lillard (scooby doo), & Seth Green (Buffy, AustinPowers, Party Monster...).

Let's see....

I saw this movie with two 12 year old girls and I won't lie to you dear readers...they thought it was 'really stupid'. Not me. I thought it was entirely a whole lot of 'ok'. I snickered out loud on several occasions and I do believe I got caught off guard with a lil' snort too. This in my book is a good thing.

3 friends are brought back together after a 4th adventure loving friend has a tragic parasailing (?) accident and dies. It's all memory lane from there and they all decide to go on one last adventure (for dead friend's sake).

(begin 'adventure')

Bear attack, weed harvesters, hippies, love in a cave, crazy mountian man, TREASURE. wholy shit where'd that come from? I so saw that coming a mile away. Moral fibre. Love your friends. blah blah blah. Live life don't let it pass you by.

(/'adventure')

very essence of goonies, meets I don't know what but the predicableness was made pallatable and quite frankly delicious by one Mr. Green.

I give kudos and two big fat caesarian thumbs up to Seth Green and his UBER awesomeness. This will quickly turn into a Seth Green love tribute except for the fact that he practically stole the show. I just saw him for the 3rd time in Party Monster and going from Party Monster to Without A Paddle is quite impressive.

I would see this movie for the sheer fact that Seth Green is a very admirable actor and molds himself to any character he plays.

The other lads are awesome too.

I would reccommend this movie as a group outing, or if you're in the mindset that you have some time to kill and don't care what you do. As far as 12 year old girls go they didn't appreciate it so much so I think this would be more of a male bonding kinda film.

The forests of cheese are abundant but I give my neutural 6/10 just cos it was worth it.

Oh yeah... and cos of the trailer for Team America World Police. YEAH MATT AND TREY.

White Chicks

I watched this movie with the same mind frame that I watch every Wayan's family invention, mild trepidation. You never know wether you are going to laugh your ass off, or if you are going to leave saying, "It was funny, but not as good as I hoped."

Well, thankfully, I laughed my ass off.

Shawn and Marlon Wayans co-star as brothers Marcus, and Kevin Copeland who work for the FBI. They mess up an assignment, and are in the doghouse. To get back in the good graces of their chief, they take an undesireable job escorting snobbish, racist, and spoiled heiresses to the Hamptons. Theoretically, it should be an easy assignment. It of course, goes awry, leaving Marcus and Kevin to do what anyone would do in that situation.... go undercover and dress like white chicks and try to 'act white' all weekend.

The comedy was well paced. The plot was good. But, I give it 4 out of 5 possible stars. There were a few times that they tried too hard to make a 'life lesson'. I almost thought it was a joke that the soundtrack started sounding 'serious'. I kept waiting for a punch line that wasn't there.

Shawn and Marlon put in very good performances as their characters learn how painful beauty can be.

The best performance comes from Terry Crews. He absolutely shined and carried a great deal of the comedic weight in this movie.

I would go see this movie again just to pick up what I missed while I was laughing.