Brother Unit isn't home yet so I'll just play on the computer and see if this buzz wears off a bit. Good evening tonight. Had a good time with my friends, ate good food came home with 4 free martini glasses and paid for one drink that included the glass. Nice....

Hawk and I have been talking about detachment and the surprising stuff that happens when one becomes detached to the end result. This evening was a prime example for me. The group I hung with tonight is the group that has been causing me anxiety. I've been fretting over whether or not they like me and all. All in all, I came to the conclusion the other night that I'm trying too hard. I asked myself honestly how much I cared if they like me all that well. Of course, on some level, I'd like everyone to like me but, on another level, it's no skin off my back if they don't. I also have to recall that I know passive aggressive "we don't like you" behaviour when I see it and I've not been getting it from them. At the same time, as mentioned before, there was a "scrutinization" that was going on.

Tonight, I went to the meet up with a different attitude. I was not going to stress or worry. I was just going to be me. That's all I can do. Doing more is not logical in any way. I ate, I hung out, I drank, I played pool. All was well in the world. Then one of the "Big Two" came up to me......

..he wanted to know if I was intending on announcing my intent to officially join the group. I gave him my schpiel about wanting to know more of a base level of things before I do so. He said that it wasn't necessary but when I was ready, he'd sponsor me. He essentially complimented me on being there for the group and my interest in things. I was very surprised to say the least. More so when I found out later how unknowing he was when he started this group.

Well, I must be doing something right so I'll continue on with it. I just bought a who mess of books so I'm not quite where I need to be to purchase more but there's always the library. I probably could also borrow if I asked nicely. I would like to get this base knowledge in place that I want. After that, I'm thinking I'll ask Mr. Sponsor to let me know how long initiation will be. If it fits the time frame I'm thinking they're working with, I can do it. If it's going to be longer, I'll wait till after I graduate I think.

Interesting how things work out, eh? I'm sure I can do a lot of this at the same time. I'm going to look up two of the books I was referred to tonight before bed. Maybe the library has them.

Maybe I am supposed to be in Columbus this summer. Maybe.