After many years of missing it, I finally went to Comfest. I walked down there. It was a nice enough walk. It was hot though and by the time I got there I was sweaty and feeling gnasty. I basically scanned the joint. I walked around to see all the vendor booths and food places. I went past the stages where bands were playing. I dodged hand holding lesbians walking in nothing but underwear. Quaint but annoying. (Gay Pride weekend too. Missed the parade sadly.) I found my self getting frustrated very quickly with the people around me. I felt like I was in NYC where all the tourists stop and stare in the middle of the sidewalk while I am wanting to go somewhere 10 minutes ago.

I find myself not enjoying crowds anymore. They irritate me. I like my personal space and crowds get all "up in my shit." I think the other thing that kept me from potentially enjoying the fest (besides being poor) was that I was alone. Everyone else there was with groups of friends. I saw no one that I knew the whole time I was there. The one person that I knew might be there I didn't want to spend time with. He's been irritating me something fierce lately and I don't know why. I feel like he drags me down somehow. Anyway, after a fairly brief walk around the park, I grabbed something to eat, gazed longingly at the purse I wished I could buy, and headed home.

I just got off the phone with dude I didn't want to hang with. I was lamenting not having anyone to hang out with when I was there. (He wasn't there yet anyway. He sleeps until 4PM.) I realized that I just unintentionally insulted him. Like he wasn't "anyone." I don't have the heart to tell him I didn't want to see him and I danced around the issue badly. I'm not a good liar anymore. Takes too much energy. He's a mart guy, I'm sure he knows.

I can only hope that next year, if I'm around, I will have peeps to go with. Me and my people can hang out for a few hours, listen to bands, eat food, shop, and be hippy-ish. Maybe by then, I'll have more people to hang out with than just dude. That way he can multi-task his attention. (I don't think he likes me, I just think he's lonely.) There's some things I don't want to mess with if I am alone, and this really was one of them. Why bother when you know that my small portion of the community wasn't going to be at the fest?

Today has left me dragging. I am not sure why. I found myself dreaming of vacation again. This time, I was trying to figure out how to get to Ft. Lauderdale. There's a group that is meeting at the Mai Kai down there. I'd love to meet them in person, see the Mai Kai, and hang out on the beach a few days. No matter how I work this out, I'd be spending way more money than I have. It's either A) $800+ for air, car and hotel (unless said group would be kind and put me up for a day or two and drive), B) @ $800 to rent a pop-up RV trailer and drive down and pay for a spot at the RV park, or C) spend a minimum of $600 in gas to drive down and back and hope that I can rent a tenting spot somewhere not in Ft. Lauderdale (because they don't have tent spots it seems). None of this includes money spent on food and knick knacks mind you. The other kicker on this is that I'd be not too far from Miami and my aunt and uncle would kill me if I didn't visit.

I'm seriously tempted to say "Fuck it!" and go anyway. I have a credit card. I need to get out of Ohio. I need a beach. I need....something that apparently isn't here. ~sigh~

Just looked up scooter rentals for fun. They actually cost just as much as cars do per day or more. Absurd. And I just saw there's a wildlife refuge really close to the city too. And I've been wanting to go back to Biscayne Bay in Miami. I lost all of my pictures I took of the area when I was there last. They didn't develop. :(

Did I say "sigh" yet? Oh, yeah, I did.

Thhppppt. I don't like feeling like this. Must go do something to distract me until I can afford vacation.

See ya.