Pearls of Wisdom:
-Society cannot share a common communication system so long as it is split into warring factions.” - Bertolt Brecht

There's some guys out in the hall talking about being Superman and digging out the cape. Didn't catch it all but amusing none the less.

It was a good weekend. I went home Friday evening, bowled with friends till about midnight and then joined everyone at A'a and Spiked's home. Drank too much and suffered for it the next day. Need to watch that. I'm too old to get hangovers. Saturday was a bust for the most part. Went to Brother Unit's birthday shindig and was surprised to see my cousins and some old friends of the family show up. Facebook can be a good thing I guess.

Sunday, Mom and I had lunch with Brother Unit and I gave him my gag b-day gift: porn. Bad porn too. (This is what some pron connoisseurs told me.) I told him to pass it on to some other unsuspecting person. No, Mom has no idea that I gave that to him. LOL

One thing that happened over the weekend that kinda surprised me was that I actually had a real conversation with one of my ex's. This is El Boyfriendo if you remember the nickname. He broke up with me and I was seriously pissed off. I have spent the last....3 years almost?....working on forgiving him. I would keep saying it over and over. Sometimes you have to fake till you make it, ya know? Well, this time, and even a little the last time I saw him actually, we had a real coversation. I didn't blow him off and actually admitted a few things to him about how I felt that I hadn't said before. There was a feeling of relief/resignment/at ease. I thought about it and I can only guess that I have finally, after all these years, forgiven him.

I will still have to watch it because I know he still likes me and I have no desire to get back together. I forgive but I don't forget. He's still not ready for a real girlfriend and any attraction I had to him is long gone. I also need to be careful that our group of friends don't think we're getting back together. I've been dealing with that for 3 years as well. Conversation doesn't mean "dating."

Anyway, I am hoping this is a sign that I'm ready to let someone in again. That maybe I've healed enough from all the past hurts. I still am dealing with the fear that I will put my foot in my mouth and say something that will scare whomever off or that I won't be attractive enough or that they'll think I'm 25 when I'm really 34. (That last one has happened several times. Looking younger isn't necessarily good sometimes.) One way or another, I need to come to terms with that because I'm ready to get on with my life already. I'm chomping at the bit again. I feel like, while I'm in the right place at the moment, the roller coaster is coming to the crest of the hill and I'm waiting for it to go over the edge. And not just with the love life either.

So, right now, I'm enjoying the peace. Roommie hasn't come back yet from Cinci. I am feeling guilty at the thought that maybe, if I'm lucky, she won't come back. I know that's not likely the case. I actually slept pretty good last night because she wasn't here. I should be working on my paper that's due at the end of the week or working on my flash cards for tree class but some things never really go away and for me, one of those things is procrastination. I am at least emailing my map teacher and asking about redoing my compass points because, for some reason, what I'm trying to do isn't working out the way I know it should.

Oh, today's ranger workout was interesting. We did warm up for 20 minutes and then agility sprints around some chairs. While that's not interesting, I did notice that I was doing really well on the elliptical machine. I crusied on there for 15 minutes without really loosing breath. I could have kept going but I wanted to make sure a stretched really well before we did our next thing. I've noticed that as far as going up hills, stairs (after working out not included because my legs are tah-ard), and walking fast, I don't run out of breath. Now, sprinting kills me and full blown running but I'll get there. I found today that I need to see about training myself to breathe properly because I was getting light headed after a while. In through the nose, out through the mouth, and all. Yay lung capacity! (Note to self: swimming is good.)

I'm actually enjoying this because of the structure. I feel no competition against any of the guys in the class. I'm competing solely against myself. I'm pushing myself hard but not so hard that I puke or tear a muscle or something. I'm curious to see what else Mr. S has us do during the week and how repetitive that is because I want to be sure I'm working out everything. I do need to make myself do push ups and sit ups though Yay pain! :P

Okay, it's 8:30. I need to pack up for class tomorrow and get ready for bed. Will I get one more night of blessed, undisturbed sleep? We shall see if Roommie come in tonight or tomorrow.

Amy