New Leaves

I got a twelve sided die

I fear that my journal is more update-ish in nature. Not my usual rambling-easy style. But, updates are neccessary.

This past weekend, I was in columbus trying to help John get packed up to move down here with me. Susan was so kind to let me use her Forrester so that I could take a big load of stuff back home with me. It's been emotionally exhausting, as well as physically exhausting.

One very excellent thing is that I found my Michigander sketch book and along with it, Liz's address and phone #. So, I called Liz and I spoke with her for about fifteen minutes. Just long enough to tell that she was ok and to shake my finger a little bit because she worried me. Hence the title of this entry is a line from "In the Garage" from Weezer, her fave band. That song is synonymous with Liz for me.

Now, I just need to find my address book so that I can call Doverly because it's been almost as long since I've talked with her, and I miss her and worry about her.

So, back to the weekend:

One of the first things I found out is that a friend of mine was found in a ditch and is in a hospital in columbus in ICU. His condition, critical. So, I call a mutual friend, who has said that she has seen him, and that he was looking pretty rough, but he had been reflexive earlier that same day. I asked her to go with me to the hospital. He was sedated and completely still and just had so many tubes and medications, so much machinery around him, it was all I could do to not bawl my eyes out looking at him. But I didn't because I believe that people who are unconcious are taking things in still. And I didn't want the off-chance that he would hear me crying and take that as something bad. So, we stayed and talked to him, held his hand, tried to tell him jokes and kissed him, and loved on him.

John and I went again last night to visit him. Around 12:00 pm Sunday, My friend came out of his coma, although he is sorta hovering between sleep and awake if you ask me. But he did open his eyes for a second for me, and he talked to me some too. He kept saying "get me out of here". and I kept saying " I can't honey, because you need your rest, try to relax, the more you relax, the better things will go for you."

I felt pretty bad for him because his arms were tied to the sides of the bed, apparently he had a molotov cocktail of narcotics, barbituates, uppers, downers, you name it, in his system. He had a severe blow to the back of his head and was left in a ditch. They are waiting to see how much he will come out of it; and if he will come out of it with everything properly functioning. Absolutely scarey. But I was so happy and so relieved that he was awake.

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I got to see my brother and my nephews this weekend. Little James was in his play pen and when he saw me he smiled so big and started jumping up and down and holding his arms out so that Aunt Linda could hold him. My nephew Alex was being real good too. But, unfortunately I can't really get close to him. His mother is somewhat strange when it comes to people around her son. Except for her family members. I didn't get to hold Alex until he was already a week or so old. She didn't want me to hold him unless I was sitting down, and was always telling me, "be careful, be careful." I'm thinking to myself, I changed your husband's diapers, I think I can handle carrying your son around.

Anyhow. You see only one small reason why I can't get close to Alex. And she's a martyr-mom. Which is one of my very personal pet peeves. I absolutely can not stand when I hear a mother say, " I could have done something else with my life, but I had kids, and it holds me down." I heard her say that, and I swear that if she says one more time, "Well, you and John are lucky because you aren't stuck with kids..." I'll hurt her. I swear. I'm bubbling just writing it.

Kids are portable. Not only that, kids are a choice. You had sex, you can get pregnant. If you aren't willing to deal with that consequence, there are options. She CHOSE to have the baby. She CHOSE to be a mother. Excuse me, I understand that it is more difficult to do certain things when you have a child, than not; but It's not an excuse to not do something.

GRRRR.

frickin martyr-moms....

grrrr.

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So, I drove back to Cinci last night, and unloaded the car. Took a shower, went to bed. Then managed to watch an hour of my sleep time peel off the clock because I could not get to sleep. I had to get up and put on some Enigma just to finally force myself into sleep. It's more of a meditation than it was a sleep, which is why I was particularly cranky when I woke up this morning. Hadn't really slept. Just ebbed in and out of meditation.

Now, I've got to pack for my trip to Deleware. There's a ton of shit left to do, I've got stuff to take up the stairs and down the stairs, up the stairs and down the stairs. Trying to get John's room ready, he'll be down here later tonight with the last load, and then we go to the airport in the morning.

I'll be taking a few things with me in effort to grab a bit of alone time and dictate some more of my book.

It looks like John's sister and my new nephew will be there the entire time that we are. I am soooooooooooooo bringing my camera. Woo hooo...

So, enough rambling. I'll return on Sunday afternoon.

love you all

xxx

Posted by hawkie at July 28, 2003 06:08 PM