Bear with me, I seem to have knocked my pinky at work last night and typing is a bit uncomfortable.
So, I called John to tell him that he needed to file his own taxes this year, and to file married but separate. Also to tell him to have patience on the disolution paperwork because I can't afford it at the moment. He tells me that he's filing divorce, not disolution and wants to discuss the terms with me. I hear a rustling of papers before he starts reading off the terms.
Irreconcileable differences
Voluntary Separation
Spousal Misconduct (infidelity, abuse, etc)
...
wha
excuse me?
So he wanted to put spousal misconduct against me. Because he said that I was still his wife and currently involved with another man other than him, and that he believes that it began IN THE SPRING.
He goes on to say, "All the signs are there."
BECAUSE: I lost weight. Because I decided to not have sex with him after I told him that I wanted a divorce. Because I began a new intimate relationship so soon. And I don't know how much I "Fucked him up by starting up a new relationship."
I told him my weight loss began in November of 2003 when I became vegan. I told him that I stopped having sex with him because we were going to get a divorce and that Mike and I didn't have any relationship outside of a reluctant friendship during the whole process.
He wonders why I'm so offended, then tells me that I can file Misconduct against him too. "We're both guilty," He said.
If that isn't the pot calling the kettle black.
I say, "You know, I thought when we agreed to do this, that we would do this peaceably, without any nastiness or retaliation."
I try to explain to him and realize, there is absolutely no reasoning with him. Then I went to work. The more I thought about it at work the more pissed off I became. I mean, he can't look at his own actions and see the big reason that we ended up like this.
In his mind, we are getting a divorce because I found someone else.
In other words, It's all MY fault. He's a victim.
Not because he was out catting around, and almost left me in 2001 when I was extremely ill without a dianosis, all because his physical needs weren't being met) Not because he didn't want to do a damn thing around the house (After all, his job was harder than mine so he was excused from housework). Not because I was tired of living paycheck to paycheck with someone for 10 years Not because I was tired of getting ahead and then to have him lose his job. (Calling off 8 times in 3 months. I brought home a bigger paycheck even though he made more an hour than I did) Not because I was sick (physically and emotionally) and he took a very unsupporting approach to it. I thought I was having a heart attack once, and he wouldn't even go out to by me aspirin. (BTW, my EKG came back abnormal, but everything's ok now.) Unsupporting is the wrong were. At times he was down right detrimental. Not because he was physically and mentally abusive, and accusatory. Not because we never got to see my family, but always got to see his. Not because he broke every promise that he ever made me. I mean, none of the above matters to him. All that he sees in his mind is that I am fucking someone else.
The truth is I got better because I identified my illness, cut his sickness out of my life and started to heal myself. I saw that he would not change. I saw the next 70 years living life working a low wage job and being a virtual slave.
The truth is, he couldn't give a fuck less what my needs were.
He told me, "I tried."
I said, "The only time you tried is whenever you thought were going to lose me, or we separated."
He agreed not to check the box, but still believes that I am doing wrong.
On the positive side of things, He is paying for the whole divorce, and I don't have to appear in court unless I wish to contest. I will be getting papers in March.
A lot of nerve.
Posted by hawkie at January 29, 2005 09:47 AM