I was very fortunate to be there for the birth of Christian. My sister was ready to start pushing, and I was trying to leave the room. Only 2 people were allowed in the room at the same time. My sister suggested rock, scissors and paper should determine who stayed and went, but I determined that I would just duck out and go crochet. Except every time I was blocked. Tables, nurses, doctors, stools. I couldn't even get to my camera. Dammit. I just wanted to get to the door, screw the camera, screw the crocheting, I said I was gonna leave, so I was gonna leave.... not. Blocked in. So I found a corner and stayed in it. If I wasn't supposed to be there, I was going to be as quiet and as out of the way as possible.
My family is blessed with hips. So, Crystal only pushed for 15 minutes. That's really fortunate.
But all that previous talk about birth control after watching the birth is no match for holding a brandnew baby. If you only have a slight amount of maternal desire, a newborn will bring it to the surface. Usually, it's pretty emotional for me, especially with my sister, who is unprepared in so many ways that if I wrote them all down it would like I was jealous, judgemental, and hated my sister.
I love my sister. I love my nephews. Still, I want to kick her ass.
I had a great time with my buddy Jam and he fell asleep on the couch with me at Crystal's place. He's so precious. I worked with him all weekend on proper behaviour, knowing that Crystal would not reinforce it when I was not there. She can't be bothered to teach him how to speak clearly, or put anything educational onto the TV.
I have heard people say that Jam is hyperactive. He's not hyperactive. He's a 3 year old boy that doesn't get out to play very much. He also lacks educational stimulus. Whenever I come over and he's running circles in the living room (literally) I take him to the park, let him run around and get sweaty and tired, and he falls to sleep sitting up on the couch next to me. If I so much as hear anyone suggest medication for him, I will go off.
Some people may think that it's wrong of me to feel this way, but I look at my sister's children as if they were my own. For some reason she's not taking initiative at a very critical stage of their lives and I am going to have to step in and help with things like counting to ten, ABC's, going to the library and learning to be quiet in the library... things that are going to help Jam's teacher's, as well as him.
I anticipate having one or both of them in the future for extended periods of time. I wait for the call. I know my sister. I would never tell her that, or embarrass her in front of the family, but it's a fact of my life.
At the same time. I am hoping to encourage my sister. The way that I feel, she has absolutely no clue about. But I hope to encourage her to get things done and to take some initiative in her own life. I do think that she feels the judgement of the whole family coming down on her. She's experienced 'tough love' from just about all of us.
I walk a delicate line of emotions and morals in this situation. I seriously hope that I can keep my cool.
It's so damn hot here.
Posted by hawkie at July 25, 2005 01:59 PM