I enjoy lyric and poetry, the interpretation and application to my life, I find soothing to the core of my soul.
"Grace, She carries the world on her hips..." (Grace, by U2)
I think of this song anytime I think of/see a woman carrying her child on her hips.
But tonight it was me. Christian all swaddled up and rested on my left hip as I swayed back and forth just enough to keep him happy as I ate my fruit salad. One -handed maneuvers are key to survival around wee ones. Crystal was up since 6:30 a.m. with the boys and when I came over at noon, she had that new-mother glaze to her eyes. So, I watched the boys for her while she slept. She slept until 7:30.
"Baby, Baby, I wanna hold you, I wanna make him stay up all night..." (Talking heads)
Christian has his nights and days mixed up. The goal today was to keep him awake for as long as possible, allow him to nap for only 2 hours and then again, keep him awake as long as possible. The goal in this game is to help him rearrange his nights and days. Instead of jet lag... it's baby lag.
Jammer has 12 stitches on his left leg. He was playing the other night outside and cut his leg open clear to the bone. Thankfully, the location will not hinder him as he grows. It pains him a great deal, and changing the bandage is a terrible experience. He doesn't just cry, he screeches and slobbers and begs and pleads that you don't touch it. It's wrenching.
"There is a certain majesty in simplicity which is far above all the quaintness of wit." (Alexander Pope... a quote from the knitting meditations book that Dusty gave me... thank you very much )
No doubt James' ordeal has exhausted him and he slept curled up next to me on the couch for the majority of the afternoon. So, I had Christian in my arms, James asleep next to me, and I watched television, or laid the baby on my left leg, and crocheted on the right. I was just about to pop my ipod in my ears when Christian cooed.... or sighed... or whatever noise you want to call it since 'the books' say that cooing doesn't come till later. Neither does the smiles that I saw... they are gas.... gas is of course a reaction that they would have to you running a finger alongside their face and neck.... not a smile....
Anyhow, it was such a simple bliss that I had this afternoon. I fought the ugly green monster of jealousy. I fought the other monster... biological clock. And I was able to be thankful for the time that I had with my nephews, instead of being a blubbering mess like I was when James was born.
Also, I got to see my brother Rex for the first time in 3 years? Maybe more, maybe less. He's a mess, but he's my brother and I still love him. I picked him up so that he could meet Christian and try to catch up a little. But there's only so much catching up you can do when you don't want to open your life up to someone.
I received papers stating that my divorce is trial ready.... all I have to do is submit a paper to decline a trial, and the paperwork will go through, and I will eventually receive a paper stating when my divorce will be final.
I try to not spend too much time anymore internalizing and analyzing everything, but such is my nature.
The thing that I wish most to attain is some semblance of a (pseudo)normal life, in which I can enjoy great periods of time between major changes in my life.
oh, and it's a smile dammit.
Posted by hawkie at August 1, 2005 11:10 PM