New Leaves

I would really like to tell my new hires who are whining about lack of breaks, and what they think the store should be like (because of the stupid videos)

1) Absolutely no store looks like the videos
2) Find your thumb ( as in to suck on it and self soothe)
3) Shut up. Go somewhere else. I have a stack of applications of 200+, you aren't doing us a favor by working.
4) I was honest with you in the interview. This is not an easy job. So, again, shut up.
5) Requesting to talk to my DM, is going to make you look like an idiot, but go ahead, open your mouth and insert your foot, just be sure that I'm there so I can laugh as he tells you what I tell you, only more succinctly.
6) When you call off twice because your wife was in labor for 36 hours, and are just now getting back from the hospital, I have no sympathy for you. You knew when you woke up that morning that you were not going to come to work. Why did you not call us as soon as you knew, instead of waiting until 1-2 hours before your shift.
7) Again, shut up.

I'll be back after work and working out tonight to put in a lovely entry about dealing with my very soon to be ex.
What a fucking dellusional prick.