New Leaves

so it goes

any contact with john's family is over. i can't even get in touch with his sister the only one left that would talk to me. don't know if my email is blocked, but i suspect as much with the strange error message.

i don't know wether to be happy or sad. technically, when people leave or cut you off that don't truly care about you, that's them doing you a favor. So I should be thankful for less future drama. And i feel like i should be sad for losing a sister.

at this moment, i am numb. i feel like F*&# it. despite my best efforts over the past year i am coming into the new year with less friends than i had going in.

it's been a rough year. and i know that i've not exactly been sociable, but i like to think that when it comes down to the nitty gritty, the people that i love, that love me in return know that i am there if really needed.

i can't stand codependency, (even if i suffer relapses :P) and i can't tolerate passive aggressive.

whatever happens will be. whatever happens was meant to be. whatever happens, happens for a reason.

know it. believe it.

let it go.