I stopped working at my job except for Saturdays. The smoke laden, split shift, slave driving just had to be ended. I was working myself into the ground, and as expected, everything around it started to show signs of strain. I'm currently looking for temp work and hoping to get in somewheres great. I'll be staying on at my old job for an undisclosed number of Saturdays until I scurry up enough moula for Scotland 2007.
We had the kids this past weekend. I was happy to have them, but again, I lack the rose colored glasses of biological parenthood. I am perplexed as to how I can meet nearly all of yous on line, and spend just a bit of time with some of you and wind up loving and adoring you all, but not able to bond or 'love' the kids yet. Oh, I care. There is the sort of love that happens when you are aware of your relationship and your responsibilities.... but... I don't have a bond with them. So, I see things for what they are... or I should say, " I see things a little more black and white."
I am trying not to take anything personally. I realize that they are just kids, but I swear they look like they are at a funeral when they are first coming over.
B cries at least once because he misses his mommy. Which, I believe is only part of the problem. I believe he misses his mommy treating him like a baby.
M comes over hardly at all, and anything we get her, she takes home with her... even though we've dropped the ever-not-so-subtle hint that we are buying her stuff so that she may have some things at our house to make her more comfortable. As in, her room is HER ROOM, not a a guest bedroom.
I don't mean any of this negatively. I want to assure you all my tone is quizzical if anything. A new mantra of mine... 'They are just kids...'
Otherwise, they are sweet and loving. We had a belated birthday for Mike. We got 36 magic candles bearly lit. I think it was a fire hazard. But I took a picture anyways before we extinguished them. We, as in, Mike, I, and a bowl of water.... some of them were still burning...
I think that my solution or my reaction to all of this is something I am dread to do. Scrapbook. Sure I like taking pictures and I feel that they are so important in a family. But I don't really care for all the new bells and whistles of scrapbooking.
(insert snobbish comment)
I think scrapbooking is usually a cover-up for crap photography. :P
Really, all the dilly dally borders just detract from actually looking and seeing anything wow about a picture. But maybe just a simple plain backround with corresponding dates and occasional keepsake trinkets... Just maybe that's ok.
We'll see if I convince myself.
The point?
To tell a story. To start the library of photography for my new family. And, just maybe one day when these kids get old enough to understand beyond their current comprehension of this time. Maybe they'll see the love and the effort, and maybe they'll have an idea of how to apply it in their own lives.
Bugger. I think I just want the bond so badly that I'm trying to push it.
One great thing... the kids love LOTR... how lucky am I?
Posted by hawkie at March 13, 2006 03:58 PMHey Hawk,
I totally understand being the step-mom person. Allen has a daughter that lives 3 hours away and when she comes down all she want to do is shop. She is needy and girly and whiny. Nothing at all like my kids. I have a 12 year old daughter that asks for nothing and a 14 year old son who just wants to spend time with his cousins playing basketball. I know I have to bite my tongue about her because she is here so infrequently. I am a parent of 3 kids and I know my kids have flaws (ones I probably created) and I cope to them, but he can't see because he is just happy to see her...and therefore he caves into her.
So hang in there ladybird. You are uber cool and you have a lot to share.
shannon
You're right, scrapbooking has gotten a wee bit out of control but I have to admit they do have some cool stuff now.
I did get your message last night. I had the phone on vibrate so I didn't hear it. At least until I heard it beeping during a middle-o-da-night potty break. I like hearing your voice at 1AM. But then again, I can be fairly pervy.....
Posted by Dustbuffalo at March 15, 2006 12:01 PMI think that as long as you don't go too over the top, i.e., decorative flouncy borders around the pictures and curly-que lettering, scrapbooking your photos can be fun. Maybe 2 photos on some black velum paper and captions written in gold or silver pen?