I really believe that there are purposes and reasons that go beyond the human comprehension.
Am I going to talk about God? or god or gods?
No, not even religion.
But, People. Relationships.
I just think that there aren't any coincidences. Things happen for a reason.
Bad things, good things.
There's a reason.
Every one of you have served a purpose in my life, and gained a place in my heart.
That being said, Let's talk about Taylor.
Taylor just called me. And as always it's like there was never any distance or time that separated us.
Taylor is an old friend. I've felt like I've always known him. He and I always meet up.
When he and I met for the first time about four or five years ago, we just looked at each other.
You know the, " I know you, but I can't place you". This sparked a conversation where we went through our whole lives trying to place each other, and where we knew each other. Seems like we were never in the same place at the same time, we just kept barely missing each other.
We aren't meant to be a couple. It would be too weird. I think we had one chance at that. Big mistake by me denying it. I did worse than deny it, I ignored it.
"You're in love with Taylor"
"No, I'm not."
yes. i was.
lunch every day in the grass on my sheet. (I have a sheet in my trunk that I use for outings. I used to spend my summer lunch breaks outside on the lawn with my sheet and a book.) And I used to think his girlfriend was cuckoo for being jealous of Taylor and I. After all, I would never leave John...
Doah.
So he calls me today. "I was thinking of you and it just got to the point where I had to call you, or I wasn't going to get any work done."
And he informs me of the birth of his new daughter, wants me to take pictures.
I inform him of my impending divorce.
We've done this so many times before. The two of us will never resolve this. The fact that we do love each other. We've had the conversation about how we missed it. How it would have been nice, how we should have known.
Today's conversation, It's a quick conversation. He's at work. So, I'll be sure to call him later, and have the long conversation. He lets me know that he's disappointed that we can't seem to keep in touch. That we always seem to be on the periphery of each other's thoughts and lives but never in the center.
We are destined to always miss each other and always wonder what might have been if we would have only acknowleged what it was we had, and taken that step.
But It's just one of those things I suppose.
I don't really believe in regret. It's not productive.
I know one thing for certain. I won't have another regret like this one.
One day I'll think of Taylor, to the point where I can't concentrate on anything else. I'll call him and I have no doubt in my mind, that we will have missed each other yet again.