Today is an opera and stuff day.
What I mean by that is:
I listen to Luciano, and do stuff. You know, all those miscellaneous things that seem to add up.
I'm not much in the mood for journalling today. Probably something to do with the fact that John comes home today.
It becomes increasingly obvious that any time that I spend with John, is time that I spend not really able to be myself. We do what he wants most of the time. Go where he wants to go. He's just as miserable as I. I know he doesn't want to come home to this either.
At least now that we know where this is going, the arguing has stopped. For the most part. Every now and then we still get into it.
I had a very good discussion with Pipsie yesterday about a variety of things. But the point that was prevalent in our conversation was about how responsibility is a hard thing to accept. In other words accepting responsibility for where you are, who you are, what you do, your good habits, your bad habits. All are just a reflection of a choice that was made. There is just so very little that "happens to you", that isn't a direct result of a choice that you made.
Obviously, the hardest part of accepting would be when you find yourself stuck in a place you don't belong, in a relationship that you can't even stand, acting like a person that isn't you, ultimately it's your doing.
Either you keep your comfort zone and sacrifice your self (a recipe for misery and resentment), or you break free.
"Breaking free" makes it sound so easy. But in truth, it's not. It requires doing things that remove you from your present security. Making decisions that you *know* you should have made in the first place. But you didn't.
Sum it up Hawk, for Chrissake,
If you're unhappy, it's your responsibility to accept that and change it. It's probably going to be the hardest thing that you've had to do. Very possibly the hardest thing that you may ever do.
It was a great conversation that we had.
So, does anyone have New Years Resolutions?
I have one but I'm not restricting it to a year, and it's been started already.
I usually don't make New Years Resolutions because the idea is that if you slip, you have broke a promise. We are human. We slip.
So, tell me yours, and I'll tell you mine.
Mine is "to do". IE. don't talk it, dream it, doubt it, or give in, Simply do.
Do not take the path of least resistance, and do not accept half measures.
We all know (most of the time) when we are making bad decisions, bad choices, and self destructive behaviour.
Yeah, so, Opera and Miscellaneous stuff to do, ttyl.
love you all
me