New Leaves

Well, the laundry is done. I've gone through most
of my clothes. Once I finish going through the
laundry that I washed today, all my clothes will
be packed and I will be living out of my suitcases.

I have packed up most of my computer desk.
I have a bag of the books that I am working on
right now.

Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldridge (On CD)
Your Best Life Now, by Joel Osteen
Women's Devotional Bible
Math Book
Spanish Book
A few Journals
A Spiral notebook for writing down the lessons from my
math and spanish book.

I am attempting at brushing up on my math skills so that
when I hopefully don't get placed with 3 math pre req's.
I am brushing up on my Spanish because I want to cross
that line from speaking Spanish pretty well to being fluent.

The Journals, I am a journalling fool right now. It is
helping me deal with the situation. I write about 30
minutes of affirmations daily (sometimes I miss a day)
to help me from going into despair.

The religious books are refreshing. I don't want to get
preachy. They are gifts from my father. They are most
helpful right now. They are not written in the manner of
the previous books he's sent me. Rather, they include
some of the thoughts and beliefs that I went outside of
Christianity to look for. I don't like or believe in a fear
based belief system. The books that I am reading have
nothing to do with fear as a motivator for 'living right'.

Right now, It's a huge comfort to me. It's a comfort that
I need. I would recommend Captivating for any woman
of any faith just for the positive talk about women and
their role. About letting go of the past, and actually
healing. The book is causing a major stirring because
some people actually believe that it's basically heresy.

Anyhow.

Tonight, I'll be packing up my crap in the bathroom.
And living out of an overnight bag. I have my craft stuff
to take care of next. Then, I will finish last with the kitchen.
I am praying constantly that Mike will get his money next
week and that I can be free. This is torture. I volunteered
to help him with a few things before I moved, and his
responses are all pretty much that he doesn't need my help.
Which I interpret as, "Just leave."

And I will.

I am crying less and less each day. At least crying less
because of the immediate situation. Now, I cry at all the
core issues this situation brings up. At looking back at
my life and watching a pattern repeat itself. The more
introspective I become, the more I realize that a year
off of dating is a fantastic idea.

I apologize if I seem remote. I am trying not to only
think of myself, but It seems that I have a lot on my
plate right now.

Once I get moved, line up a job, get enrolled for school,
unpack, move my storage unit, and take a breath, I
will try to be more repsonsive and keep up on
everyone's journals.

Happy Belated Birthdays to Kim and Liz.
I love both of you very, very much.

Posted by hawkie at July 26, 2006 11:49 PM