I had a realization on wednesday that I had no desire to call mike on monday and tuesday. Every other day, I've nearly held the phone in my hand and wished him to call me.
I missed the kids...
So I called K, and the kids weren't there, but she and I talked again for an hour. I heard some stuff that I didn't want to hear... things that made it sound like Mike was moving on... already.
I was crushed. No one wants to believe that they were replaceable... quickly at that.
So, I called him up. He came on Monday to get the title signed over, told me that he couldn't stick around because he was going to a funeral. The title wasn't ready, I had to get another 30 day tag for his truck (long story) but I *knew* that he just didn't want to stick around... and that the funeral was a lie.
Yeah bad move.
We argued.
We needed to. We never did. And it was always under the reason that I was 'too emotional' to handle it. Because he doesn't like when a woman cries.
Don't fucking diagnose me. Everyone needs some help. And don't fuckin lie to me 'for my own good'. Grow some balls and have the courage to get into the deeper conversations of relationships. That's the only way that they will survive.
I cry. That's just me. His problem. I still deserved to know what the hell was going on.
Anyhow. That turned nasty. I spent Thurs night and all day Friday in a state. I just sucked it up and went to work. I got out of work and I was a wreck.
So I called him again. I told him that what I needed to find out in the conversation was what he thought he did wrong because everytime we talked, everything was my fault. Or at least it sounded that way, and I needed to know that he was affected deeply because I couldn't believe that he was ready to move on.
He said he wasn't ready, that he was trying to move on because he needed to, and he wanted me to. He said that he wanted to be friends, but that he needed space, and wanted us to both be moved on before we tried being friends again.
If it makes me bad for not wanting to be alone in this. so be it. if it makes me not a bitch, then so be it. I needed to know. I feel a world better. And I feel like I can move on.
We closed with 'have a nice life'.
So, you have seen it all. This romance from beginning to end.
I am signing up to take bellydancing classes until school starts. I think that this is my next step. I've done freestyle for too long, and I want to actually have some technical correctness to it. Not to mention it's social and it's a work out.
Dusty is here... she says hello.
She is awesome. She bought me chocolat soy ice cream last night. rock on.