New Leaves

the shift

Today is the first day that I didn't wake up and cry, or supress the urge to cry all day, only to bawl in my car after work.
Thank God. It's finally passing. I can feel the shift.

The dance classes are helping, the camping trip helped, and I've started attending a very loosely styled church meeting Sunday evenings, where afterwards, people actually talk, and are REAL. There's no fashion show, and it's not damning you for being human. We'll see. I'm wary of churches. But, I have a path to follow, so try, I must.

I am working with another girl, sort of a joint therapy thing. She and I have had similar losses, feelings, consequences, etc... and we are chosing to work through everything instead of putting ourselves right back into the dating scene so as to attempt to avoid this type of disaster/ disappointment, again.

We've been talking for about 6 weeks, and it's helping a lot. I actually feel like I can go out to coffee with someone without comparing them. Just actually be present and enjoy another person's company without complete gunshyness.

I am learning that with all my busy schedule this month, I have to put outfits together for each day during the week because of how early I wake up every day, or else I end up with articles of clothing inside out. Yeah.

My cat seems to have finally adjusted with the aide of organic catnip.

I actually feel like socializing instead of just socializing to get my mind off of everything. I miss Mike terribly. But, it's dead to me, and something better is on the horizon. I can feel it. Before, socializing was an exercise in restraint of tears, of being prepared to tell people to get sorted for their judgemental opinions, or just fearing being asked about 'why'... So, I'd play the game, socialize, but hide... socialize, but hide....

I'm listening to a bit of Coldplay, lovely.

It's Monday, I think I'll take a long hot soak in the tub. That sounds really delicious.

hugs to everyone.
thanks for listening.