It's either really good or really bad when my family gets together. It has been really good thus far. Not that we are all reconciled. It feels like there's an undertow of all things unsaid, all disappointments, all blame, and frustration.
We are all in different places of growth and stagnation. My brother Rex and my mother fell out about 7 years ago, and they have refused to see each other. They are speaking again. This means that for the first time in 21 years, we will all be together under the same roof. That is something I've always wanted.
The really bad is of course, the absolute sadness and devastation that clings to every syllable. Tragic doesn't even begin to cover it.
I haven't visited my brother yet. So many people around in one house. I'm never comfortable like that. I prefer to come around when everyone else has returned to living their normal lives. I try to encourage the only thing that I've ever had work for me. Sunshine, nature, getting out of the house, and to provide a distraction to the terrible slowness of the process of grieving.
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Posted by Jerolin at February 19, 2010 01:38 PM