I saw two young girls in a store yesterday. I know that this is going to sound strange, but I swear, I could have been looking at my own daughters. They were dressed in little white cotton dresses with their blonde hair turning brown and they were fair skinned.... and they were wearing really big brown cowboy boots. It excited me to see them because I was refreshed to see someone that did not dress their children in the latest fashion. They looked timeless.
I have been listening to my Ipod at work. The work is mostly mindless and mechanical. I work in a stockroom scanning things and putting orders together. Anyone could do it. I started listening to Dr Wayne Dyer, James Ray, and Dr Deepak Chopra. I started noticing that I was a lot calmer. I seem to really grasp a lot of what they are saying. Sometimes they say something I think that is too weird, but then when I listen again, I understand. I have to listen to them again and again because I find the density of the information to be so intense that I can't always wrap my brain around it.
Michael and I are really enjoying our gym. He and the girls did Kick boxing yesterday. I didn't dare because of the twisting and punching motions. I felt that I would like to strengthen my back, shoulders and neck before I got back into that. After that, we did Yoga. Maybe I should say that we attempted Yoga. We aren't the most flexible people. (I can not sit indian style, and Michael can not touch his toes) I lost a good deal of my flexibility and mobility last year. It is returning. Slow and sure. Though, my neck and shoulders seem to get slightly irritated during regular exercise. I have actually felt my bones align as we got into certain yoga positions. I am surprised at what we are able to do. Even I managed to balance. Anyone who knows me, knows that balance doesn't seem to be one of my natural abilities.
Meditation always seemed to be sorta too 'woo woo' 'new agey' and if you include transcendental meditation, now it's just freaky. But really, there's nothing woo or freaky or weird about it. I am really enjoying it because it is just a way to get away from the high anxiety.life and start to have some calmness. I can not tell you how refreshing it is to not have a thought about your anxiety, insecurities, esteem, reputation, or monetary position. No thought. Just being and breathing. If that's 'woo', sign me up.
I am once again reviving my art. I have been writing small blurbs that seem to have intensified with my meditation. The imagery is more intense. The words are more evoking. I am writing freely without having to force it. It is just coming straight out of my fingertips. Crazy. I have not ignored anyone's offer to edit my book, I have to retrieve my book from a 3x5 disc? and my laptop and home computers don't take that old technology anymore. So, my book sits. I think I may take it to the library.... or maybe to Kinkos... they would probably have the right technology. Otherwise I have to wait until easter to access it at my father in law's house.
Michael and I are working on an art website for me. It will first feature the photography that I have taken. I am putting myself back out there as a photographer and artist. I have started seeing images again as though they were in the little cross hairs of a camera. I will once again be accepting assignments as a wedding and family photographer.
Everything feels static, unsure, and somewhat exciting.
I actually felt like baking again.
I am really enjoying the girls being here. They are absolutely wonderful. Sweet, beautiful, and just precious to us. It is so hard to not be doting. They are quiet at times and we are convinced that they are somewhat acclimated and that they are at that age where their independence is so rich to them. So we are pulling back a little. We really thought it would be fun to be exchange student parents. We were right, but it is in such a way that I never imagined. Our goal, ultimately is to help them achieve their uniqueness and independence, to show them a loving relationship. To have a stable and happy home.
Dusty was here this past week. She could tell you, we are so mushy it's almost gross.
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