In case you were wondering. yes, i've been depressed for the last year. just change and death, and life, and disappointment. So, I've been going to therapy rather than whinging on my blog.
Not to say that there aren't good things but the following should give you an accurate picture of how someone can fold into depression.
nerve pain= weight gain. nerve pain is the worst pain, it was so bad that I didn't want to move for the fear that the pain would be worse. It has gotten better but not until I started using a yoga ball and chiropractic. It's had a terrible effect on my esteem.
Loss of the coffee shop. Not only did we lose the coffee shop, but we lost the assets of the coffee shop because the recession hit just in time that no one wanted to buy our equipment. we had 15k in assets, we got 1k for said assets after spending more than 1k to move them, and then store them.
hair. again. seriously. i have been losing it by the handful. not exaggerating. it is fairly devastating.
choosing to have a career at age 35 means that more than likely i won't be having children. if i do, i'll be adopting, which was fine, but how old is too old in fairness to children. i won't have my doctorate until i'm almost 45.
family. who doesn't have family drama? for some reason, this is the year that it became exhausting.
loss of garden, torrential downpours no matter how i trenched the garden, resulted in being unable to physically maintain community garden.
financially... we made 13k last year, it is extremely difficult to live on that.
all of the above are not good on a relationship.
car accident is still not resolved.
it just feels sometimes like i would really love a break.
that's not to say that there aren't some positive things going on, but the postives are not equal to all these things.
friends falling away. very close friends just completely closing off.
so therapy. lots of therapy. it was only last week that i said 'i think it might be okay, and i think that i might be okay.' which is huge because i don't think that there was ever a time in my life that i truly felt like that.
i've started painting again, which is good.