I fear that my journal is more update-ish in nature. Not my usual rambling-easy style. But, updates are neccessary.
This past weekend, I was in columbus trying to help John get packed up to move down here with me. Susan was so kind to let me use her Forrester so that I could take a big load of stuff back home with me. It's been emotionally exhausting, as well as physically exhausting.
One very excellent thing is that I found my Michigander sketch book and along with it, Liz's address and phone #. So, I called Liz and I spoke with her for about fifteen minutes. Just long enough to tell that she was ok and to shake my finger a little bit because she worried me. Hence the title of this entry is a line from "In the Garage" from Weezer, her fave band. That song is synonymous with Liz for me.
Now, I just need to find my address book so that I can call Doverly because it's been almost as long since I've talked with her, and I miss her and worry about her.
So, back to the weekend:
One of the first things I found out is that a friend of mine was found in a ditch and is in a hospital in columbus in ICU. His condition, critical. So, I call a mutual friend, who has said that she has seen him, and that he was looking pretty rough, but he had been reflexive earlier that same day. I asked her to go with me to the hospital. He was sedated and completely still and just had so many tubes and medications, so much machinery around him, it was all I could do to not bawl my eyes out looking at him. But I didn't because I believe that people who are unconcious are taking things in still. And I didn't want the off-chance that he would hear me crying and take that as something bad. So, we stayed and talked to him, held his hand, tried to tell him jokes and kissed him, and loved on him.
John and I went again last night to visit him. Around 12:00 pm Sunday, My friend came out of his coma, although he is sorta hovering between sleep and awake if you ask me. But he did open his eyes for a second for me, and he talked to me some too. He kept saying "get me out of here". and I kept saying " I can't honey, because you need your rest, try to relax, the more you relax, the better things will go for you."
I felt pretty bad for him because his arms were tied to the sides of the bed, apparently he had a molotov cocktail of narcotics, barbituates, uppers, downers, you name it, in his system. He had a severe blow to the back of his head and was left in a ditch. They are waiting to see how much he will come out of it; and if he will come out of it with everything properly functioning. Absolutely scarey. But I was so happy and so relieved that he was awake.
***************
I got to see my brother and my nephews this weekend. Little James was in his play pen and when he saw me he smiled so big and started jumping up and down and holding his arms out so that Aunt Linda could hold him. My nephew Alex was being real good too. But, unfortunately I can't really get close to him. His mother is somewhat strange when it comes to people around her son. Except for her family members. I didn't get to hold Alex until he was already a week or so old. She didn't want me to hold him unless I was sitting down, and was always telling me, "be careful, be careful." I'm thinking to myself, I changed your husband's diapers, I think I can handle carrying your son around.
Anyhow. You see only one small reason why I can't get close to Alex. And she's a martyr-mom. Which is one of my very personal pet peeves. I absolutely can not stand when I hear a mother say, " I could have done something else with my life, but I had kids, and it holds me down." I heard her say that, and I swear that if she says one more time, "Well, you and John are lucky because you aren't stuck with kids..." I'll hurt her. I swear. I'm bubbling just writing it.
Kids are portable. Not only that, kids are a choice. You had sex, you can get pregnant. If you aren't willing to deal with that consequence, there are options. She CHOSE to have the baby. She CHOSE to be a mother. Excuse me, I understand that it is more difficult to do certain things when you have a child, than not; but It's not an excuse to not do something.
GRRRR.
frickin martyr-moms....
grrrr.
*****************
So, I drove back to Cinci last night, and unloaded the car. Took a shower, went to bed. Then managed to watch an hour of my sleep time peel off the clock because I could not get to sleep. I had to get up and put on some Enigma just to finally force myself into sleep. It's more of a meditation than it was a sleep, which is why I was particularly cranky when I woke up this morning. Hadn't really slept. Just ebbed in and out of meditation.
Now, I've got to pack for my trip to Deleware. There's a ton of shit left to do, I've got stuff to take up the stairs and down the stairs, up the stairs and down the stairs. Trying to get John's room ready, he'll be down here later tonight with the last load, and then we go to the airport in the morning.
I'll be taking a few things with me in effort to grab a bit of alone time and dictate some more of my book.
It looks like John's sister and my new nephew will be there the entire time that we are. I am soooooooooooooo bringing my camera. Woo hooo...
So, enough rambling. I'll return on Sunday afternoon.
love you all
xxx
Several things have cleared up for me in the last few days. I now have a potter's wheel again after 11 years of nearly crying everytime I saw a piece of wheel thrown pottery. I did pottery throughout highschool and for about a year after highschool. Then, it stopped. No money for a wheel, no money for clay, or glazes or kilns. I always felt like a part of me was missing. I have kept two pieces that I made yesterday. I am not 'impressed' with them, yet I can be honest enough to myself to say, "They aren't bad. They would sell." However, they aren't selling. These are personal keepers. One of them is going to John, as I believe is fitting because he bought me the wheel.
But let me explain something else about the wheel that makes me happy. John bought it for me. He didn't have to take a hint from me, it was his own idea. It showed that he understood what was important to me. He felt that he was fulfilling a promise he made to me a long time ago. I had nearly forgot that he had promised me one.
Also, we worked out what to do about the impending trip. He asked me what I wanted, then asked for a compromise. The things I was most worried about were driving my car there and that I would not get sufficient time with my new nephew, and that John would not get to see one of his brothers. We are actually going to fly down there; And everyone has agreed to go to Deleware so that we don't have to split the days at the shore and at Pennsylvania.
I'm more than game. I'll be very happy to see everyone. Also, John's parents live just above Ocean City, and I can go back to Assateague. Beaches and Horses Beaches and Horses.... Plus, John's parent's have a boat, and John said that he would like for just the two of us to go out on the boat for a dinner or something. Rock on. I love the boat. If we get raw fish, I can feed the dolphins.
Another thing that was worrying me is that one of my discs on my book had 'disappeared'. I thought that I had accidently misplaced it. I knew where I had left it last, but it was not there. Now, I have back up discs, but the disk to come up missing happened to be the one that I had done the most work on. So, needless to say, I was trying very hard not to let aggravation in. I am convinced the house faeries are finished reading it, and have decided it was good enough to return to me. Or that it was so bad, they didn't want it. Either way, it's back in my wee clutches, and it's going to a specially designed I-know-where-you-are spot.
Last week, I put flea treatment on the cats. And many had an allergic/ toxic reaction to it. Freaked me right out. She was shaking, but not convulsing or foaming at the mouth. So, I immediately bathed her again, and watched her. She is now just fine and insistant upon sleeping on me no matter how I lay. If I move, she moves with me, it's like a log rolling thing. Whenever I stop moving, she just settles right back down.
Susan's bedroom is finally downstairs. That was a royal bitch to make happen.
Now, I just need to get a trip to Glasgow, and all will be right. I am sure that it will happen, I just hate cutting down to the wire.
Well, I've got to run.
xxx
Yes, I am loving Soy right now. Soy burgers...Veggie burgers...
So, I got my anniversary present early because there was nowhere to store it.
And I'm still in awe.
John bought me a wonderful potter's wheel. I mean, one of the best that you can buy.
I've already played on it a couple times. I am so happy and excited about having clay again. I now have to find a place to get supplies near here and then try to get situated with a kiln owner to pay them for kiln time, and then get glazes, and then i will be selling my pottery. And that makes money quite quickly.
I was told that it would be just like riding a bicycle, but I need more improvement and practice than I would like. I am trying to fight a little bit of the frustration that you get for letting a talent slip.
But, I now have a wheel. I am sooooo soooo sooo happy.
Now, I must get back to the wheel.
love ya
x
Really there isn't a whole lot going on. Just the same old stuff. Different day. I've been trying to help Susan with all the changes in the house. They are tremendous. The big sitting room downstairs is nearly empty. We set the couch out on the sidewalk today, which would have been very interesting to video tape the two of us trying to move this heavy, awkward couch. The idea is to de-clutter the house. Get rid of what we don't use. Susan is moving her bedroom to the big room downstairs. This can't be a big entry because I still have to clean the carpet before I go to bed. Suck.
I am really trying to get everything going with my business. It just seems that every turn I take, there's another obstacle. And I'm tired of obstacles. But it doesn't matter if I'm tired of obstacles; obstacles will be around in some form or another, forever.
John wants me to come up to Columbus this weekend. He wants me to help him pack up the apartment. I really don't want to. I had to pack my stuff that I moved down here by myself. But perhaps it might be best to get it done, but it would be really annoying to spend my days off doing something that I hadn't planned on. I was really planning on doing something else, like finishing a few projects. I feel like I'm getting pissy about it. I don't want to be. But really, I just think, about it and think, "Well, there goes my fucking weekend."
Not the best attitude. But it's honest.
Plus his car is having problems, and so now, he wants to use my car for our trip to Pennsylvania, which might actually be to Deleware. Which pisses me off too. It's like a lot of things are pissing me off. We were supposed to be visiting with his sister and getting acquainted with our new nephew. However, John's father would prefer us to come to deleware... It's like a big mess that I can't explain, other than to say, "whatever his father wants, is usually the course of action that we'll take." I wanted to go to one place OR the other. not BOTH. So, now, I have to get my car looked at to see if the mechanic thinks it wise.
Then work wouldn't let me go until 4:48 pm, and I needed to go to the bank, and I didn't make it to the bank in time, so I had to cash my check at Kroger's, which meant that I had to pay a four dollar fee, because Susan needed the money, which since it is the 17th of the month, I think she had a right to. Besides I told her that I would have it to her tonight.
That whole thing just sucked. I think I need to log off and listen to opera, and find something to clean the fuck out of.
Gah. I'm not hormonal anymore.... So, I must really just be bitchy today.
love ya
Instead of 'this is the song that never ends.'
Two words;
Yesterday SUCKED.
In fact, it's not been a pleasant three or four days. John started the weekend with me by further inforcing the fact that I am going deaf. I had the radio on, I was sitting at the computer. The radio, was not that loud, but John says he rang the door bell. I didn't hear it. I am minding my own business doing my on line thing, and he's standing in the doorway behind me so that when I finally turn around, he's standing there, and it scares the fuck out of me. I'd like to say that I have a right to be pissed at him. But I do not. But now, I can make this story public.
One day, I was home before he expected and I was in the bedroom. He came into the house, turned on Mortal Kombat, the soundtrack, and started going around the room punching the air, making little karate noises. I cracked up, for hours. So, he thinks he's gotten me back. No, I wasn't embarrassed; I was frightened.
Then he gets upset because I saw Pirates of the Carribean without him. I thought that he might do this, but really... it is just a movie. Then we go somewhere to eat and no where do they serve anything remotely tasty and vegan. I couldn't even opt for salad and mustard. This is cool, because it's all a learning experience.
Then, John leaves early on Monday morning, so that he can make it to work. I get a phone call that says, 'I'm broke down.' So, I had to take my car about 45 minutes north to go get him. Then drive back through the city, and then go to work. That sucked. And I'm not 'dealing' very well with all of this, partly because I am freaked at the thought of spending money for car repairs that should be going to my ticket to Scotland, and partly because I am hormonal. Terribly, terribly, hormonal.
And, it seemed that everyone was having a crappy day. Everyone at work, every customer.
And is it entirely evil of me to want to hock a loogie into someone's convertible when they are acting so smug?
No fears, I didn't do it. But I thought about it..... Ohhhhhh I thought about it.
So, I calm myself down at work and try to put things in perspective. Then I get home to talk to John for a bit and try to explain to him why I got frustrated that morning. Then, we go back 45 minutes north, fix the car, and drive it back here. It did fine for the trip back here, so he drove it home this morning.
We also watched K-PAX last night. Which, I hate to say this... I didn't really like it all that much.
I came home to find that John had cleaned the kitchen. That's cool. And then he fixed the bed too. Upon my prompting. Now, I've got to get a ruffle skirt for my bed because the bed was broken. I have no idea how the slats broke, or why the kept sliding off their intended ledge, but I am sure some of you can put two and two together. What I don't understand is how one board broke in half? Strange. So, I've got the 'hillbilly hookup' under my bed. aka, 6 cinderblocks those boards aren't moving, and the bed will not break, and I won't think that I've just possibly killed a cat every time the slat slides off the edge.
Just for your information, The bed used to be Susan's and it's a technical problem with the bed. It's an antique, so That always freaked me out too. The first time the slat fell, I was like OMG I just broke Susan's Grandmother's bed!!!
::freak out ::
Susan is home, she's been spending time out at Pam and Charlie's. They've got a swimming pool. I can't blame her. Plus, they are all really good friends. I've enjoyed the time alone, allthough I do feel lonely.
Well, I might catch a nap before I go to work today. Susan is in the mood for cleaning, so when I return today, I expect some type of Hurculaen feat to be accomplished. And I'm glad I'll be out of her way.
That's enough for now.
xxx
This is attempt three at a jour98888888888 .... journal entry. Hemlock feels that I should not be journalling about how much I wish you many returns. But he feels I should be playing with him and his string. Everytime he jumps up here, he presses some sort of combination with his paws. Twice he's figure out how to blank out the entry.98iiiiiiii...... So, I love you5476
...
Happy Birthday...
Many Many more.
xxx
I finally got to see Pirates of the Carribean. And I loved every single minute of that movie. And there will be no spoilers in this entry, as I despise spoilers. I went to TORn last year to look at some pictures, and I was greeted with an unmarked spoiler that totally ruined part of TTT for me. Bummer.
Anyhow, back to Pirates of the Carribean.
I was actually afraid that I wouldn't like it because in the trailer the delivered line "You like pain? Try wearing a corset." Would nearly make me shudder. Not the actress' problem, mind you. The writer of that line is to blame. I think she delivered it as well as she could. I'm also not a big fan of Disney movies. Be they animated or no. But, three of my favorite actors were in the movie. Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, and Orlando Bloom. Were Geoffrey Rush in it alone, I would have seen it. I think he is one of the most cunning actors in the world. Johnny Depp, I didn't too much like in earlier movies. Except for Edward Scissorhands. I've come to admire his skill as well. The movie Benny and June (sp?) won me over. Orlando, well I think he's one of the most facially expressive actors I've seen on screen. And his excellent swordsmanship form shows in this movie as well. Or at least, his ability to act like he can fence... Whatever... You get what I mean I'm sure. What I was trying to say about facial expressions is; When you don't have many lines, (aka FOTR) and you can deliver impact by expression, that's talent.
This is not to say I was not immune to their physical attributes. Johnny Depp was absolutely dashing. Orlando, beautiful as ever, and looks like he knows how to kiss. Unlike Vin Diesel, who seems to be a little 'nervous in the service'. (Sorry Vin. You kick ass in other areas.)
Anyhow.
The special effects were superb. The acting was great. Not that I really noticed any oscar winning sequences, but I think when you can lose yourself in a movie, and you aren't thinking that the people on screen are actors, then they are doing an excellent job because it seems natural.
And, the soundtrack is a must have. The style is actually similar to FOTR, but different. (If you follow me ;) )
I also got to see the trailer to Hidalgo again. Looks like Viggo really knows how to ride a horse. ROCK ON. I absolutely can not wait until that comes out. Bring it.
In other news, I had my fourth diet coke, in probably a month. And since I've been on this diet that is leaning towards Veganism. I realize now, that not only does it not taste good anymore; it actually makes me sick to my stomach.
John should be arriving tomorrow afternoon. There is so much to do these next couple of weeks, that I'm sure my head will be spinning from it all. I don't believe that the activity around the house will die down until October. Maybe even November. It just seems that there's so much to do.
Since John is moving down here, he will have a room of his own to put his computer and other such effects. I like my room minimalistic. I've always wanted a minimalistic room, and all it has is a bed, a dresser, and a nightstand. I like it that way. It's very feng shui.... until you get to the blank wall. The blank wall that really really unerves the artist in me. The blank wall that says, "Linda, you MUST put a painting or something on me..... I'm blank... You can't allow that....." Really, the wall said that. The point I was making, is that the room appeals to me, the way that it is. If he wants to hang something, he can hang it in his own room.
The house is going to undergo a huge revamping. The downstairs sitting room, that we never use, is going to be Susan's bedrooom. That will be an 'excellent' bedroom. It will be akin to a suite. Susan's current bedroom, will be John's room. The basement is getting reorganized and turned into a gym. We have plenty of fitness equipment to make it so. Also, Susan is going to get rid of a lot of stuff.
Me, I'm working on my wedding photography business. The marvelous Pipsie has been helping me with my site. It needs a few tweaks, but it's truly almost done. I've come up with a few ideas to revamp my wedding photography package. I'm really excited about the business. I believe it will take off. I've also come up with a few ideas on advertising cheaply.
In the meantime, I'm still going to sell dresses to pay for my ticket to glasgow. 8 weeks. I will be there in eight weeks, I've got to pay for it somehow. I don't have a clue how, but I'm just going to think positively towards it. It will happen. :) I could probably make more selling 'elf' dresses (aka rennaisance dresses, but not using the typicl rennie fabrics for them) But I'm not sure of the market.... We'll see. I could also try to sell them on e-bay. Some people make a good amount of money that way. I'll make them for 'big' girls because, no offense to you wee things out there, but big girls don't get a lot of fun clothing sometimes.
Anyhow. I'm rambling. But I've finally had a minute to sort of catch you up with everything that's going on around here.
And the night is late; or the morning is young. Either way, the pillow calls.
Love you all.
x
Ok, how is it that I get myself into trouble with seemingly innocent gestures such as sticking out my tongue?
And why the hell do I still blush? I'm fucking thirty, and I never blushed until I was 28... or so.
I *swear* that all I did was stick out my tongue because a dude at work was looking my direction, and he was wound up. I mean so wound up that I asked him if he was on something... and I was serious.
Next thing I know, he's like, " You don't want me to stick my tongue out at you...."
and I know that tone of voice... I'm thinking...uh oh. Sure enough, he sticks his tongue out and flaps it around. And I must admit that it's a more than perfect tongue... and I blushed.
Dude... wtf. All of this takes place while his girlfriend is only twenty feet away, completely oblivious. Next thing I know he's talking about having a 'pocket full of horses', 12 to be exact.
I had to know that this was coming. Last week I asked him if he was going to be 'My tall person'... Meaning that he's a good foot taller than me and able to put the stuff on the top shelf that I cant reach. He says, "I'll be anything you want me to."
grr.
I had a wee rant with my manager today. I told him that if the Area manager used a condescending tone with me again, that I would tell her exactly where she could stick the squeegie. And I'm completely serious. About three days ago, she had the nerve to tell me, "The idea of a squeegie is that you don't have to mop a whole lot." I just sorta snorted at her. and said, "umm, yeah." I'm thinking to myself, "Do I look like I can't figure out what the fuck a squeegie is for? Do you feel better about yourself for talking to me this way?" Dude. I was stunned.
My idea of a squeegie is that it will be very uncomfortable if its up her ass.
And I laugh to myself because I can think in pictures.
And... John and I went to see a movie this past weekend, Terminator 3 which I liked. But the previews set me in an excellent mood. Why? Because I had no idea that the preview for Hidalgo was going to be on the big screen. I think simultaneously, I nearly jumped up and cheered, and John rolled his eyes and said "Uh-oh." I'm like quietly saying "yes!" My friend Marie from work went with us to the movie, and I had not explained to her about Viggo yet. But the movie looks kick ass and it comes out in August. There must really be a God, because I've got a thing about a man on a horse, and it's a movie about MY man on a horse. Life is so very, very good.
It has rained here. Finally. It has cooled down just a bit. It's finally tolerable. Yesterday, I was melting as I was bathing Manna and Hemlock. They both howled the entire time they were in the tub. I believe that both of them are now sufficiently traumatized. Next is Scruffy and Silas. Which I intend on doing tonight.
Tonight, I'll be opening all the windows in the house. I love the way it smells after it rains. No air freshener could match that.
It's been 8 days, no meat. I wish I could say the same about dairy and eggs. but I'm working on it. Only two intentional 'deviations' in 8 days, I think is really good. I am also attempting to avoid oil and fried foods. Not really easy since everything has oil in it. I really like Yoda's saying, "There is no try, only do." But I don't need anymore stress in my life, so I'm not going to get upset. I'm still learning what is really vegetarian. There are things that are made with egg yolks. Everything, I think. Ok, I'm stretching that a bit.
One truly wierd thing has happened. I believe my taste buds have changed. Certain foods have started tasting *really* good. Oranges and peaches.
Oh, and I made salsa last night. 3 quarts of it. If the weather cools down enough tonight, I'll make bread.
love ya
x
There was a huge windstorm one day, then the next day we did not have a phone. And I missed everyone, so I tried to call, and my phone/ address book has grown legs and walked away. Anyhow...
Apparently some wiring shorted out. It is now fixed. This led to my two week absence.
A lot has happened. I shall try spit it all out here. (No comments about my usage of the word 'spit', perverts.)
******
I'm not sure this is going to work, but here is the link to see a picture of my new nephew. He was born last Monday and is a wee thing. I can't wait to go to Pennsylvania at the end of this month so that I can hold him and love him and squeeze and ohhhhhhhhh yes.... take his picture.
https://secure.welcomenewborn.com/welcomesite/photography/toddandjen@dejazzd.com1.jpg
*****
Next thing.
John and I are going to get back together. Really, there's not a whole lot that needs to be said about the details of why, etc etc. But, he'll be moving in with Susan and I at the end of July. Apparently he has a huge suprise for me the end of this month and it's about to eat me alive. I hate and love suprises.
Anyways. he's moving in. He's going to have a room of his own so that we can all have our own personal space. That's totally healthy.
I really am excited about it. Although a little cautious too. We've been separted for nearly six months, and actually i think it was a year ago almost exactly when we first had the discussion about separating.
*****
And Bless Sagwa... Bless her Bless her Bless her.
She went to Paris. She went to the Louvre. I asked her if she wouldn't mind looking up a title of a painting for me. The one that has been elluding me since December.
L'Aurore et Cephale
by Pierre Narcise Guerin
Words can not say just how stoked I am about that. Now, I must find a very large poster of it. It belongs in my room.
****
I got another chapter done on my book. Only one more chapter, and then everything is in the editing process. I'm so excited. And I need to write too because the ideas are there, and I'm afraid i'll lose them.
*****
It's really hot here. Humid. Relentless.
*****
And I missed everyone.
I'm particularly worried about Dove and Liz.
And I became a vegetarian. I'm trying to go all out and be Vegan, but I am having problems finding out exactly what I can eat since Vegan (no meat, no dairy, or byproducts of the two) pretty much rules out everything. I've been doing pretty well though. Trying to have everthing natural and unprocessed. It's not easy.
I never would have thought I'd like Rice Milk. Just the name of it alone used to send me in shudders. I never really liked regular milk to begin with. But I really like Vanilla Rice Milk. It rocks.
Another thing that rocks is Veggie Burgers. yum yum yum yum yum.
but, it really isn't easy... Especially at work when I smell those chicken nuggets and I swear that they are all line dancing and singing to me.
Well, enough rambling. Sorry this entry is sorta rough. It'll get better as I catch up.
lots of love
x