New Years Eve. I love it. I love New Years Day. I believe because I think the holiday symbolises out with the old, and in with the new. Clean starts. I've become fond of clean starts.
I found a recipe on line for Vegan cookies. And I decided to bite the bullet and make them. I've written this recipe down two or three times, and never made it. I mean, how can you make really good vegan cookies at home? Is that even possible.
It is.
The peanutbutter fudge cookies are so good. Or maybe it's just that I'm sooo hungry. No. They're really good. I'm suprised. Pleasantly so, but really, I reallllly like them. :) Not hard at all to make.
At the moment, I have another batch in the oven, and my bread machine is going full tilt as it beats into submission the mass of wheat dough. Vegan bread.
I don't eat all that much bread anymore. The wheat bread is really dense too, so I try to slice it thin. I freeze three-quarters of it, and leave the rest in the fridge for the occassional urge for PB and Pickle, PB and Jelly, PB and Banana.
Or a veggie burger sandwhich. Which would be the reason for this loaf. I am going to make a 'burger' for lunch tomorrow, and the bread at work. ugh. :P
Do you find it strange if I say that deciding to make the majority of my food from scratch (even john's food), I find it more personal? It feels more like home. It not only is better for you, It feels better. Wether it's making it, eating it, or serving it. It's a level of satisfaction that I had not expected.
This is the recipe:
Peanut Butter Fudge Cookies
1/2 cup shortening
1 cup peanut butter
1 cup sugar
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1 cup apple sauce
1 tsp. vanilla
2 cups flour
3 Tbsp. cocoa powder
1 Tbsp. vegetable oil
Mix all ingredients together. If the mixture seems too wet, add more flour. If it is too dry, add more peanutbutter. Bake in an oven preheated to 375 degrees for 11-13 minutes.
If you try this at home... you may find the following helpful:
I used soybean margerine instead of the vegetable shortening. I used two cups of whole wheat flour and half a cup of white flour.
I also mixed all the ingredients except the flour, first. Then, I added the flour gradually. Just easier on your hands/wrists that way.
The cookies do puff up a bit, but they don't rise or turn brown, so your best bet is to time them.
I did lightly grease the pan before baking.
--------------------------
I'll probably take some of these cookies in to work tomorrow. J isn't there so at least I won't have to hear 'Princess Fiber' (I haven't determined if I like that nickname he's bestowed upon me.
Well, it's ten fifty pm on a new years eve. I believe I'll finish my cookies and head for bed. I have to work at 7 a.m. tomorrow. :P
Happy New Years to everyone.
I love you.
x
ok, so that might not be the way to spell it, but i got that in my head earlier today when i was randomly singing REM songs to help me get through my day.
work was ok.
cleaning house tonight. the weather has been unseasonably warm and i'm feeling a premature need to clean the house... as in spring clean. so... windows open ... air out the sickness, and cleeeeeeeeeeeean
had a great convo today with this guy named justin at work. We talked for forty five minutes after my shift and before he began about things. health care, reform, capitalism, isolationism, WWII, Thomas Jefferson, hormone therapy, chain stores, big business, trickle down effect, trickle up effect, George bush, education, space and wether or not we use it wisely, and Nationalism.
All that in a great conversation. I love talking to Justin.
[i]maybe i ride, maybe you walk, maybe i tried to get off, baby. [/i]
I totally scored at Christmas. I got a new shower head, which is exactly what I wanted. You know the kind with the fancy hose and adjustable settings? I am stoked. Now, I can get all the shampoo out of my hair in just a moment flat. I can shower without having to get my hair wet. Oh, the list goes on and on.
John's parents bought us a dvd/vcr player, Lord of the Rings (both FOTR and TTT, which was obviously for me) and bought John PoTC. Other than that, I didn't get a whole heck of a lot, which suits me just fine because I hate clutter, and I told them shower head because I didn't want clutter.
John and I left PA about 12pm, and headed home. Things were fine until the half way point when the squealy belt on the car decided that it was going to give up. I heard it snap off and roll under the car... Thump thump.
This sound was precisely followed by Fuck fuck fuck. Then by 'John, wake the fuck up, the fuck fuck fuckin belt just fuckin flew off for fucks sake.'
We exit, we find a mobile station, we check it. The belt is still there, but extremely lose. (wonders never cease) and I am now faced with the idea that the 'thump thump' was actually, most likely, some poor, wretched, small animal that decided to cross the highway at night.
DO I HAVE TO PAINT MY CAR HUNTSMAN ORANGE TO KEEP FUCKIN KRITTERS FROM JUMPING IN FRONT OF MY CAR?
Ok, so, we calm down, and get the car to a part store. It's sunday. It's after five, it's West Virginia. Are there any parts stores open?
Yep. Just so happens the one that we passed that previously looked empty.
*Whew*
Insert One and a half hours tightening belt in cold air hacking up a lung.
John say that the 'thump thump' was actually losing the tensioner bolt on the car, and not some poor, wretched, small (not to mention stupid) creature who decided to cross the highway at night.
Since, I like the mental image inanimate bolt getting hit by my car, more than I would the mental image of some poor, wretched, small (not to mention stupid)(unfortunately probably dead) creature, who decided to cross the highway at night getting hit by my car. I'll chose to believe it's actually the 'single bolt theory'.
Work on two hours of sleep was ca ca. But we took it rather graciously(not). The abscence of Vasoline still annoying as my ass is sufficiently chaffed.
I feel signifigantly better and I'm very glad for it. Thank you to everyone who gave me hugs and wished me well.
Right now, I'm getting excited?
Why?
Well, I found a place that carries my vacuum belt and trust me, I'm just about racked with pleasure since I don't have to pay 4.95 plus 4.95 shipping and handling. I only have to pay 4.95. I've only spent two months looking for it.
*Whoooooo*
That was another wave of pleasure.
I'd love to stay and chat, but unfortunately, I need to go get my belt *shudder* (there it goes again) And get things put away and situated on the homestead.
x
We're home. We're safe. Thankful. Exhausted. Feeling *much* *much* better (Thank you Tylenol Night time Sever Cold Syrup)
Will give more trip details later when rested.
xx
We are safe in Pennsylvania. We got in about 8pm. After some sleep, I do feel a bit better, but I still have a cough. I hate coughing. Bleah.
I came on line to see if any of my fan club was on line. Alas, no takers. Where is everyone?!!!
We did decide to stay at Jen's house and although I coughed alot, I am not contagious, just getting rid of the chest congestion, I would feel 100% if I could sleep eight hours straight. It wouldn't be so bad except I suspect that this cough has triggered my asthma. Which makes everything sound much worse than it is. Those of you who went with me to ICON, will remember this cough.
I am going to break down and actually follow my advice about garlic, but truth be told, I hate the taste of it raw, and taking garlic pills does butt for you. It's better than taking baby powder, but the RAW garlic has alicin in it. Alicin is similar to penicillin in it's antibiotic properties. Anyhow, it's only created when RAW garlic is cut or crushed. The chemical reaction of the juice of the garlic and the fiberous portion of the garlic combine when cut or crushed and create alicin. It is an unstable compound and does not remain in dried garlic, and can not be rehydrated. So your garlic pills are BUTT. Placebo.
While it is Christmas day, I still don't feel particularly in the spirit. But I loved waking up to hear the sound of my nephew in the other room. He was saying:
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..... Aaaaaaaaaaa
Gotta love cooing. It'll just set you right every time.
Jen and I are going to go to see ROTK tomorrow. (Woohoo. That'll make three)
For Christmas, Jen got both extended DVD versions of FOTR and TTT. Whatever shall I do with my spare time?
Someone reminded me that there is Turkey Hill Iced Tea here in these parts. I was like oooooooooooo.
I *love* Turkey Hill Tea. I used to work for Turkey Hill and I was without a doubt addicted to the Orange diet decaf tea. When I was crazy enough to be a manager of a convenience store. We are going to the grocery store and I am hoping that this place has rice milk, as I left mine at work. Bugger.
I am hoping to make some baby food this weekend and freeze it up in the ice cube trays and put it in the freezer. I love doing that. And it's so cost effective. (yes, I am a cheapskate at times)
Andrew (my nephew) is so much bigger now. He's got this little twinkle in his eye that spells trouble. He'd rather look at the wrapping paper than to unwrap his presents. He has noisy presents for Christmas. *rubs hands together* This is going to be fun.
Abigail (their dog) and I don't exactly get along. It's the strangest thing. I have had very rare instances where an animal and I absolutely do not get along. Last night, I was making my entrance, and the dog chased me right back outside. She was restrained. When I came in again, she still barked and growled at me.
Todd (Jen's husband) Set the dog straight. Dog loves me now.
Indiana (The cat) Is laying on the wrapping paper. He remembers me and that I give the best cat petting. Aunt Hawk knows the spot. (Yes, I am an aunt to a cat. Got a problem with it ?) :P
You might find it amusing to know that I brought both my crock pot and my bread machine with me to Jen's. My bread machine has been christened 'Cerridwen'. Cerridwen follows where I go. Now that I eat differently, I also brought a huge bag of healthy food stuffs with me And my Not Just Beans Cookbook.
I have rambled enough. Time to get dressed and head out to the grocery.
Will try to be on line again when we get back.
x
You know that whining I've been doing about that nagging cough that doesn't do anything except leave me dry coughing and I kept calling it unproductive?
Well it picked yesterday to start being productive and now, I am sick again. Throat sore, lungs congested, and pissed off.
I am annoyed because it is 3:34 a.m. and I can't get back to sleep, I just lay there awake, I alternate between cold and hot. Grrrrrrr.
I wouldn't care if I just had to work today, but I've an 8-10 hour trip ahead of me and being sick during it all makes me all the more in the holiday spirit [/sarcasm]
Yesterday at work was bleah. They keep fucking up with the scheduling. They schedule people from 7a-2:30p or 7a-3p. Very few of us (me included) are scheduled from 3p-4p. Making that hour, hell. Usually, they expect everyone to just stay over to 4pm. They don't really ask, they just assume. It has been this way for a while. New boss is trying to schedule effectively, but you would think he'd get the net by now that this isn't going to fly. We don't get paid managers salary. The store, after our scheduled hours, is just a store, and fuck them, I'm gonna go home and enjoy my real life.
Well, yesterday, all the people scheduled to 3pm left at 3pm. Leaving us only half staffed. I can not tell you how much it fucking sucked, it just did. So, the manager starts going on and on about 'Why wouldn't anyone stay???' And I went off.
'It's not our responsibility to. You can't expect to post a schedule on Sunday night, that people are supposed to start working on monday morning and expect that people are going to be willing to stay for you. Your scheduling sucks and I'm very not happy about it.'
'why aren't you happy with it?'
'because i have to deal with it every day. and i don't want to hear you complain about why people won't go out of their way when the employer won't go out of his way'
~silence~
put that in your fucking pipe and smoke it.
For some reason. I have the ability to tell this manager off when everyone else just walks around scared of him.
Also, we had a guest manager run a shift yesterday. I have been chopping lettuce for five or six months by now. Mr-hot-shot thinks that he's going to tell me to cut it a new way. The 'right' way. Mind you, I've been shown no less that four or five different 'right' ways to chop lettuce. When he came over and took the knife out of my hand and said, 'Let me show you something' and began to edumacate me on the subtle intricacies of chopping a head of iceberg. I had to close my eyes and count to ten.
He mistook this as rolling my eyes.
'I know you're rolling your eyes and everything, but just let me show you this.'
'I'm not rolling my eyes, that's pointless. I'd rather just tell you that I've chopped lettuce with eight different managers, I've had an area supervisor watch me chop lettuce, and none of them said anything to me about the way I chopped lettuce. And, your way is not faster, but i'll do it your way and take longer if you like. I was counting to ten so that what I just told you wasn't put much more succinctly in two words.'
~silence~
I loathe hot shots. I loathe managers that stand over your shoulder. He kept saying, " At my store, cold springs... we... "
So, I started saying " This one time at cold springs..." He caught on. He actually thought it was funny and started saying it.
Then, we have words of the day. Yesterday's word was 'anal' and we sorta play word of the day like marco polo, One person says 'anal' and then you hear a round of 'anal' popping up throughout the store.
One day it was bleargh.
one day it was penis.
one day it was 'iputafingerinmybutt'
yeah, we come up with some originals.
I was scheduled till four, but I stayed till five pm. I have to be gracious every now and then so that I can have the luxury of telling people straightly.
It's four a.m. I'd like to be in the throws of some quality time w/ mr sandman. do you think he could comply?
I'd really appreciate it also if my mind could stop replaying that whole deer incident. I'll be minding my own business and 'pop' right into mind. bleah.
mooo mooo mooo
yes i know, but it's my place to mooo
I know it's unchristmas of me, but can't i just stay home? I don't think we can stay with John's sister now, because I don't want to get the baby sick. Which means that we'll have to stay with his brother and his wife, and truth be told, I don't really care for his wife. I have a limited reserve of congeniality. And I'd like to not put my foot in my mouth.
bah humbug.
x
Gah. I'm so full. I had a burrito tonight, I had to go pick up my hair stuff and my four pound back of TVP from the healthfood store, and of course, it's right next to guacamole heaven.... so. I had a burrito. Actually, it happened almost opposite of that. I wanted a burrito, john had given me a chipotle raincheck and I cashed it. The healthfood store was nearby, so I picked up my stuff. But usually it is the other way around.
Still uneventful here.
Getting to the retreat was a fucking chore. It snowed, it got dark, traffic was shit. It cleared up, we wanted Arby's, none of the Arby's advertised on the "Food This Exit" Signs, It started to snow some more. I got tired, John took over driving, and.... we hit a deer. Mother fucker. It lived. We were only going ten miles an hour because we SAW it, and were going UBER slow because we didn't know what the deer was going to do so we opt to pass him slowly, and the STUPID ASS decides he's going to jump out in front of us. There was absolutely NO time to stop considering that it was snowing and we just would have slid into him and possibly into the ditch that he'd been in. So, I'm in the front seat FREAKING out. My eyes shut because I was afraid to open them, and John saying, "Linda, he's ok, he ran across the field, jumped the fence. etc etc. I didn't even think about the possible damage to the car until John got out and I asked him why. Damn stupid deer cracked the grill and some deer fur was caught in it, but no blood, no dents, deer, so far as we know o.k. Me. Traumatized.
We arrive at camp, and sign in, and pretty much unpack the car and go right to bed.
Saturday Afternoon, I was just to the point where I had finally talked myself into believing that the deer was ok, going to be ok, by all the evidence, etc etc,
when everyone starts getting ready to get to the potluck, everyone making their things, and what happens? M. asks me to put this meat in the freezer. So, I do. Then, about ten minutes later, he asks for it. I get it out of the freezer and while I still have it in my hands (shudder) someone asks what he's making and he says, "Venison Stew."
shudder
shudder
shudder
Can we make the weekend without the dead deer theme? Please?
OI.
Over all, It was a good weekend. Nothing naughty. Just nice to be among people that I missed. I did manage to take a few pictures. And, I even let a few pictures be taken of me. akk.
I got a reiki massage, which was muchly needed.
That's about the highlight.
Back home now.
Laundry to get out.
x
going to a hippie retreat.
be back on line monday
love you
x
Just a note to let everyone know that I'm gonna be a bit scarce over the next two or three weeks. Holidays, work, and responsibilties look like they are overriding my desire to be on line a whole lot.
I love you!
xo
6:30 pm dustbuffalo arrives
7:15 pm guacamole
8:00 pm go to natural food store, hit on hot natural food store dude
8:30 pm get back to hawk's nest
9:00 pm attempt to get ticket for hawk's spouse and find that all 10 midnight showings (at the same location) are sold out.
9:15 pm decide early departure is in best interest
9:26 pm operation hobbit is underway
10:30 pm arrive at theatre, print tickets
10:35 pm see mass lines of people, decide to have martinis and then go stand in line
10:35 pm realize that no one else has dressed up.
11:00 pm stand in wrong line while Dusty hobbit finds out what we are supposed to be doing.
11:05 pm Dusty hobbit returns to tell me that our theatre is seating already.
11:06 pm Very quickly we get our ticket stubs and mimmick Wayne and Garth as we enter theatre proudly displaying our ticket stubs to the movie theatre 'guard'.
11:07 pm Get a seat
11:08 pm Realize that there are a couple elves in the audience :)
11:08-12:00 am Conversate with random people, enjoy trailers that they've politely thrown to us. Inluding the full Harry Potter Trailer. *shiver* And get giddy as we get closer and closer to time.
12:01 am SCORE!!!!!!
4:30 am return home happy hobbits
I notice that my entries have been a bit cranky lately. I don't mean to be cranky. And I don't think that it's all pms, or whatever. I do think that's part of it. But I also believe that part of it has to do with things that I am trying to get done. I like being a free spirit and flutter hither and thither, happy on my way, ignorance is bliss.... you get the idea. But it's really hard for me to quell my creative urges and force the channel into one project until that is complete. The muse screams at me and says, 'but you want to do this!!!!' and I am saying, 'It does not matter what I want. What matters is what I chose to do.'
I do a lot of corrective thoughts, affirmations and mantras if you haven't guessed that already.
And, I'm coming to grips with things that I can't change. I can say the serenity prayer until I'm blue in the face, but sometimes it's harder to accept the things I can not change. Much less try to buck up the courage to change the things that I can.
I am very excited about tomorrow. I started counting down hours at work today... coworkers were non-plussed. ROTK baby, yeah.
John and I saw the Last Samurai, last night. and I liked the movie, it just wasn't what I was expecting. But that is a very good thing. The soundtrack is phenomenal. There was a very long trailer for ROTK before the movie and I was like "TWO MORE DAYS!!!" I just sat there with the hugest grin on my face. I am so excited. I can not wait to see it!
I baked bread tonight (suprise suprise) I have finally developed my own recipe and memorized it. I do not have to use the index card where I wrote it down, anymore. That's kinda cool.
Time for sandman
x
in the little hidden 'more' is my rant about politics and saddam. if you read it, you'll probably get offended.
at this moment, i am having a problem caring who i offend.
If you get pissed off by this, oh well. I've been bottling this up for a while, and I'm about to blow.
Well, You can't get away from it. It's every-fuckin-where. I am so sick of this Saddam bullshit, have been sick of it since March. Needless to say, I don't talk much about it because I'm not a flag waver. At work, someone says,
'They should put a bullet in his head right now.'
What part of ' I don't want to fucking talk about this at work' do you not understand? Do you think that gives you permission to railroad the morning conversation with your back assward politics. And because I'm trying to be polite and NOT discuss it, You think that you just shove your propaganda believing attitude on to everyone at work.
Thank goodness there was someone there who felt like me... I think I would have blown out my sphincter.
Everyone has a right to a fair trial.
So, I say
"I don't know if we should talk about this. I don't want to get into it."
They say, "Blah blah blah America, Blah blah blah, Bush, Blah blah blah Osama, blah fucking blah we caught him!" Like it's some big fucking deal. What are we going to try him for? Weapons of mass destruction were never found (our original statement for using force). My husband says, 'War crimes, Just because you think that we shouldn't be over there, doesn't mean that he isn't guilty. You CAN separate the two." I'm thinking he's missing my point.
I'm like ????
I, for one, am furious. Not that we caught him, but because this is going to be an excuse for people to jump-up-and-down-red-white-and-blue everything.
"Saddam was cruel to his people."
The pot calling the kettle back.
Who is going to come into our country and over throw our government and give it back to the native americans?
I mean the last election was questionable as it was, who's to say the right person is even in office?
"If you don't like it leave"
Fuck you. Dissention doesn't mean I'm not entitled to citizenship. And if I knew how to make a difference, and could find people like myself who wanted to make a difference, then yes, you can damn well better believe that I'd be doing something about it.
How many millions of our tax dollars are we going to give to other countries to build their economies and save them when we have homeless? When we don't have a healthcare plan for our citizens? When the social security that I pay right now is probably not going to be there for me when I retire.
I'm not the best politicker, but even I remember "Money doesn't grow on trees" When my mother told me.
You don't clean your neighbors house until you clean your own.
Right now, I am ready to resort to prayer that my father in law doesn't bring this up over Christmas. I won't be able to handle it.
Fucking Kentucky.
The outside world is white. Two inches of snow, and it doesn't appear to be stopping. Good thing I got groceries yesterday. I had plans for going to the Natural food store, but I don't know what the roads are like out there.
The ringing in my ears has lessened, but still present.
I woke up sometime around 6:30, and could not go back to sleep. No matter how much I wanted to because I was warm and Hemlock was curled up in the crook of my arm with his head tucked under my chin. He's been very clingy lately. Following me around. He has to be in the same room with me.
I made a quick version of my vegan chili last night to find out, it's not vegan because I used canned black beans that had MSG in them and that's derived from either vegetable, dairy, or meat. Since mine didn't specify, I'm not eating it. At least John likes it.
I made a nice summer squash with tomato sauce and TVP and that was truly tasty. I topped it with a pepper blend. Nothing like freshly milled pepper blend on top of food. YUM. I think I will make some garlic cloves in olive oil today. I am still baking bread at least every other day. I like making my own bread. John eats it in his lunches and he likes it too. It feels wholesome. I like feeling wholesome every now and then.
I am feeling better now. Both flu-wise and Aunt-Flo-wise. I am now feeling much more like my calm self. Still sleeping on couch. Dangerously close to staying on the couch for the simple fact that it is extremely comfortable.
Two and a half days until Return of the King. So very stoked.
Still White
I'd say there is about four inches of snow on the ground now, and it is still snowing. I have managed to get a bit done around the house today. I managed to put all of the books in the hallway, so that hubby can see that we do indeed need a bookshelf. Two of them really. And an entertainment center. A little at a time. I can only do a little at a time....
John just watched a promo for ROTK, and I was torn between watching and not watching and just about ecstatic saying TWO MORE DAYS!!!!!!!!
He's like .....
I'm like TWO MORE DAYS!!!! (holding up two fingers for emphasis)
Then he said something vulgar indicating that I was enjoying the 'Two more days/ viewing of the promo' too much. :P
Maybe.... I ... Am....
>:)
I have to sell some of my camping gear. There's really no need for four tents a screened in patio, and a canopy. Not for two people. Not to mention all the gear I've collected over the years such as a table and chairs, two sets of campware for eating... etc etc
I figured since I'm not driving to Columbus this weekend, It'd be nice to get some of the things put into an organized fashion. Which reminds me, I have to buy vaccuum cleaner belts... so that I may vaccuum when I'm done. I'd like to be able to get my stuff completely out of storage before having to pay another month. But, thanks to the holidays, I think I'll have to pay one more month. Drat.
I am getting quite a bit of editing done and I see the light at the end of the dreary tunnel that is chapter 10. Considering that I've basically rewritten it, I think I'm making decent timing.
I am also making the dough for cinammon rolls tonight, so that John can take them in to work tommorrow. If I had enough gumption to leave the house, I'd go get some red and green sprinkles.
If I had enough gumption.
Which reminds me, I need to send an e mail.
John and I were invited to a Christmas party hosted by the owner of the business. We went to Jillians, where you can eat, drink, party, and play. I had been looking forward to it all day because it was a chance to get all gussied up. Wish I'd worn a different dress, wish I'd worn different shoes. I still looked good, I just didn't realize how far we'd have to park and walk in the cold.
Well, Jillian's has a tower. Imagine my suprise when I realized that his employer rented the very top room of the tower. A catered, private party on a Friday night, in one of the more expensive places in town. The place they rented was called, 'The Blue Cat'. John is still technically a temporary employee, so it was very generous of them to invite us. They even gave him a Christmas bonus (which is extremely generous considering that John is a temporary worker, and not hired on full time yet) and gave me an ornament.
For the most part, I felt pretty conspiquous. Out of place. The people that we sat with were talking about their kids, and how their kids did this or that. They had no particular interest in what I was saying, so I just sat really close to John and was happy when everyone mingled to other tables.
After the party we all went downstair and I thought we were gonna play pool. Or that we were gonna watch the guys play pool. This thought didn't intrigue me much, but this was John's event and I didn't want to spoil it for him. I would have rather gone home.
Well, we actually went down a floor, and there was dancing, so we all just gathered around in the corner. I took off my shoes, because there is no way I could dance in those heels. And, no one would go out on the floor. When Prince came on, I found I couldn't waste the song 'Get Off' and I had to get down. They followed. heh.
Three hours later.....
I am still dancing. I love to dance. Get me on the floor and I will not stop. Even for water. I just drink water and keep going.
There were a few times that I absolutely had to stop because the DJ was killing the mood by very sucky blending. Not to mention that the music was *way* too loud, and even after sleeping several hours, they are still ringing.
One of the people from the party said, "You are a dancing fool."
I do believe I am.
So, finally, I had to stop dancing. I found that my hair was sweating (gross) and that I wanted to sufficiently cool down before having to freeze my ass off in the long cold walk back to the car.
I danced too much I think. Or, I'm just getting old. Because my legs were rubber bandish at the end of the night and I had to wait for the elevator instead of taking the stairs.
Plus, I ended up having to get some orange juice because I was falling asleep while John played video games. Now, I admit that I had just wanted to go home, and I didn't mean to be snippy with him. I was just tired and the effects of dancing for three hours were starting to take toll on me.
When we finally drove home, I was nearly falling asleep at the wheel. When I got home, I laid down, John put on some music for me to drown out the ringing in my ears, and I think I fell asleep in mid fall to my pillow.
I have dance hangover this morning. I have that dreaded feeling of maybe I should just go back to bed...
but it was so nice to dance again.
edit #1
I have decided to follow my old way of just editing and adding text to the same entry. I don't have to come up with a title that way, and I can just keep under the same entry. I like it better this way.
which brings me to what I wanted to add.
This part of a song is going around in my head from coldplay.
So meet me by the bridge,
Oh meet me by the lane
When am I going to see
That pretty face again
Meet me on the road
Meet me where I said
Blame it all upon
A rush of blood to the head
I have today off, so I imagine I'll update a bit here and a bit there.
I made vegan chili today. DAMN it smells sooooo good, I'm drooling waiting for it to be done. It has about another hour to cook for the beans to be completely done. But from the taste test, it's really good. If I had resources, I'd sell it in health food stores.
HAWK'S VEGAN CHILI
It'd be a smash hit. Can't wait for the omnivore (John) to get home so I can test it on him :P
I'm having an eck day. Not really really bad. Just eck. I slept pretty well. I got a bit around the house done, but I'm dingy as a junebug, and sorta... well, eck.
If this is any indication of how my emotions, awareness, and physical state are going to be during a 'normal' AF, then I have to get some St John's Wort and some Ginko. This isn't acceptable. The other option is a week long hiatus from the internet once a month until I'm comprehensible, not to mention rational.
Is that damn chili done YET????
x
I had a very satisfying sleep last night. I still slept on the couch, but I found myself in an almost horizontal position and did not wake up coughing because of it. Very good. It's amazing how much good sleep can lift your mood. I was in an excellent mood for most of the day.
I walked to work today. I was trying to get the blood going and hopefully encourage a good hacking session so that my lungs can get rid of all this congestion. It mostly succeeded. I even worked the back window today and seemingly was not chilled or miserable about it.
A guy at work helped me so much that I barely had to do anything today. I felt almost guilty about it. He was sorta an 'extra' today so he was around helping different people at different times.
Tiffany came back to work. She quit just before I returned from Scotland, and I was very disappointed. She and I work so well together. Ever have someone that you love to work with? That helps the time go faster? They know when you need help, you know when they need help, they know when to have fun, and know when it's time to be serious? That's how Tiff and I work.
Well, I was hanging up my jacket and I turned around, and there she was! I was so happy, and she gave me a big fat hug. I think we hugged each other about five or six times today.
About five minutes after I first saw her, she came to me privately and asked very quietly, "Are you losing weight? I think you've lost weight!" And then I told her, "now I really love you." :) I said yes, in fact, I've lost 30 lbs since July. She was all like, " I can really tell. You look GREAT!"
:)
I really needed that encouragement because of being sick, I've been worried about the way that I was eating having a negative impact on my weight. But so far, no real problem. If there's a flux of any sort, I think it's a result of Aunt Flo.
Which brings me to the only time I wasn't in an 'excellent ' mood, I wouldn't call very bad. Just sorta emotional. Sorta clingy. And that's been the way it is for the past two or three days. While I have my emotional moments, I am not used to being *this* emotional. I'm crying over things and then I feel stupid for crying over them. I'm sure it's hormonal. I don't usually get this way prior to (or during) Aunt Flo's visit. But I think if I could have attatched myself to John's side last night, I would have. Usually, PMS for me involves agitation. The type of agitation where little things just annoy you. Right now, I feel horribly clingy. Gah. Someone please stop me from acting like an irrational, emotional female.
So, feeling emotional, and trying not to feel emotional, I started thinking my happy thoughts. I thought of Paris and that it's been a year now. And that made my eyes tear up too...
I don't dare watch TV for fear that there may be a sappy phone commercial.
This might seem like I'm complaining. I'm not really. I am actually curious if this is a 'real' cycle, If my body is reacting well to the changes that I've made in my lifestyle. My body is acting different. And I believe, different is better.
love you
x
Back at work again.
Still sleeping downstairs so that I can sleep sitting up.
They put me somewhere different today, but they did have me in front of the window yesterday. I took Pipsie's advice and started using the words ' I told you so' whenever and wherever possible, since i warned them and they didn't listen.
The regional manager was there today. gah.
Not a whole lot going on in the hawk's nest.
I am baking bread all the time now.
I am looking vforward to next week when Dusty comes down and we will go see ROTK.
rock on
Got laundry tonight
love you
x
I will have a good digital camera within six months.
There is a moonbow tonight around the full moon and it's absolutely gorgeous and I found myself wishing that I could take a picture of it so that everyone could see.
My camera, I'd have to fiddle with too much to get a decent shot of it.
I had lovely guac w/ Dusty. Who seems to have caught a muse. Imagine that.
I am mostly better except for this nagging cough that I have. And for the fact that I am still sleeping downstairs on the couch so that the cough doesn't get started.
I am slightly annoyed at my inlaws for changing the Christmas schedule around and then trying to tell me how I was going to make my plans. Um no. I said to wait, I mean it. I'll deal with it on monday when i go back to work and can find out all the info that I need.
Not to mention that My father in law believes in the effectiveness of the flu shot. He bases this on the fact that I have not got one, and I got sick, and his wife got sick, and didn't get one. He got a flu shot and didn't get sick. Therefore he must be right. You can't even argue with that because they just look at you blankly with those deer-eyes that say, "i'll belive whatever the fucking doctor tells me."
you know what. lets change it up, because I could keep going on him. and i'm not wanting to do that.
So, I went to the meeting after that. I was all prepared to give them a piece of my mind because they took away my coffee shop from me, no warning, no expression of discontent with the way that I was running it. Just a kick. AND they inform me of this by EMAIL. While I'm in Scotland, and can't very well do much to argue my point or position. Fuckers.
And while I know it can't be changed back, I still feel the need to stand up for myself and say something. I was all prepared and I walked in to a room full of new people.
Fuck.
Now, I love and hate new people in the organization. We NEED new people because the regular staff are getting stretched too thin. However, new people can't seem to understand that we aren't morons. We've tried all the approaches that they seem to have 'new ideas' about. We keep saying, "we've tried that, What we need is manpower. we don't need you to put more work on us. you have a 'new' idea? Think it'll work better this time? THEN DO IT." Please. I really mean that. Empower yourself, get your ass off the chair and show me that you can fucking work.
But, on the other hand, I understand. There are questions to any new person, there are answers to those questions. But it just seems like a never ending excercise.
And when I was introduced, "This is Hawk, She's our photographer" They were all like " Why do we need a photographer?" Why can't everyone just submit their pictures?
And I'm thinking, "Well fucking hello to you to."
And I'm interpretting in my very patient mode what would happen if someone found themselves on a pagan website without permission.
I get permission. I respect people's boundaries. I get to know people, and no offense or conceit in the next statement, MY PICS ARE BETTER! A lot of the pictures that people submit just aren't interesting in a PR sort of way. This isn't about How much fun 'you' had, it's about the event, AND the fun had at the event.
And it's not like they 'just asked to be friendly' They asked in the tone of 'Her job's really not that neccessary.'
So I answered in the 'Back the fuck off of my job' tone.
Bitch.
And I know these new people.
They are a gaggle of bitches from cinci who are all not pleased with their own group so they are going to come to our group. Do I feel threatened? No. I am perturbed.
Remember last year when we had that 'hostile takeover'? Well the guy who instigated that last year is now in jail, for four counts of aggravated arson. Four fires. Because he broke up with his girlfriend. One of the houses the girl and her brother were in when he lit it on fire.
The guy has gone completely off the fucking end.
And, I'm somewhat pissed because the guy who said, ' oh no, i don't want to run for another term of president, i am grooming someone to come after i do... blah blah fucking blah.'
is now AGAIN president.
Same guy who got pissy because I wouldn't let him into bed with me. Same guy who promised me rides to columbus to go to meetings if i moved to cinci. Same guy who had me waiting for three hours at a McDonalds in a strange city while he was shagging his new girlfriend before we went to a meeting (the only one he ever drove me to) Same guy who's deliberately avoided my phone calls and my submissions When I gave them directly to him, (because I couldn't go to a meeting) and did not bother to bring up those submissions because they were not in line with the agenda that he has.
*whew*
So, why stay?
Well, I've been the official photographer for quite a while now, and I am doing this because I want to use that on my resume when I actually go out into the 'real' world. for something other than weddings.
not to mention that I have poured so much into this group that I am loath to see it go down the drain.
my plan of action is this, Go in. Do my job. Get the credit. Influence what I can. Try to encourage the members who are my friends and that have been chased off to come back.
request that a change be added to our bi laws limiting presidents to one or two terms.
Nominate a new person at election time.
If a new person is not president, i best be on to the next best thing.
grr.
so, i'm done bitching.
but that's whats going on.
love ya
x
Columbus today around 11:30 12:00
Guac w/ Dusty :)
Then meeting
then storage unit
then drive home
love you
x
John is going to a 'land party' tonight. Which means a bunch of gamers are getting together and having a video game party. They all get together, bring their computers and hook them all up together and play games for a while. I have been anxiously awaiting this because I am going to make a stir fry and sit down and edit/ write and just CHILL. Not worry about putting anything else away. Just sit down with my stir fry, my water and play two million rounds of minesweeper if desired.
So, That's whats up.
x
Oh we thought we dreamed brightly
And it was truly bold of us.
Paris gave the warmth of cold to us
And what was unbeknownst to us is:
Our Dreams were black-and-white then
Risk-hope-love-dare-feel colored it in
But it was Glasgow that gave green to them
Know that song? I absolutely love that song. It just makes me want to dance.
Well I'll be going to work tomorrow. I think I'll try to work ten hours or more if they let me, and Saturday too. I am feeling much better. I could have made it through today, but I was afraid when I woke up sweating that I wouldn't be able to. Well, I went about the housework liesurely at first. Then a little more avidly as time went on and I didn't feel like I was going to pass out, overheat, or start that damn cough. And... my voice is back. I'd say, 95%.
Winter really is upon us. It's pitch black outside and it's only six o'clock. And I keep reminding myself that it's winter, and not really that late. I got a bit done around the house tonight. A very good bit. I am quite proud of that, and I managed to whip out the old bread machine and give it a whirl.
Now, the breadmachine used to be Janet's. I don't know if she ever used it. I loved the woman, but she bought a lot of kitchenry that she bought, she hardly used. So, when she died, I got the bread machine. Tara sure wasn't gonna use it.
I don't know why, but, for some reason, I thought there was a missing part out of it. Well, having a close look at it. You know, where you actually lift the lid... and I find that it is in fact whole. So, I've had it for a few years before I am finally using it. So, I guess that's just like Janet.
Now, I am in love.
All you do is throw the stuff in there and let it do its thing. I watched it 'knead' for about five minutes.
It gets better than that.
It has a 'dough' cycle. For things like cookies, making pizza dough, pasta dough, dough dough dough!! So, all I have to do to make cookie dough is throw everything into this neat little pan, press a button and, voila! If this isn't the cats whiskers, I don't know what is.
I am suddenly not caring that it's the holidays. In fact, the holidays gives me excuse to use my new love.
Oh the baskets I can make...
Woo hoo.
If I was guy, I'd have jizzed five times already.
On a side note, I am wondering if anyone is really reading this in its entirety. Just know that I am boredasfuck, and therefore content to journal excessively.
I had another musing today. When I was thinking about quilts and how I like to make them but despise... let me pause for effect...
despise
putting the backing on them and sewing the top. That I can't seem to line it up and keep it lined up, and the damn thing ends up crooked. I'd rather eat pig dung. I don't like the 'prefabricated' quilts, call me picky, but i think it detracts.
I figured a way to make a nice quilt, and back it with just one layer. A layer that anyone would be happy to have. A fleece blanket. Now, I think that sounds perfect. A quilt on one side and fleece on the other... it's a win win situation.
I wish I could make ten of them this week, I could sell them at Winterfire.
Which is the next hippie retreat. no nekkid swimming this time.
But, that is Dec 17th.
And I'm gonna peddle my ass as a foot massager on that weekend. I give great foot massages.
I hope to have mass tales of debauchery for you regarding that weekend.
Dusty, corner your fricking boss, so we can get our tickets!!!
:)
and with that, I'm off to go have another look at my lovely bread maker.
xxx
You can file Nutritional Yeast under 'tastes like butt'.
I am certain that I can probably use it in a sauce, but they reccomended two heaping tablespoonfuls of the stuff. I had a small dish of basamiti, so I only had 1 tablespoon. I did do a little test with my finger... not bad. The combination of the two was horrendous. It couldn't just be horrendous to begin with. It's something you have to palate for about a minute and already have some completely smeared in your mouth without hope of something to cleanse it.
Then I thought, I'll make my protein shake. It was banana flavored. I expected a whitish-yellowish tinge. But no. It was green. Green, and not like bright green or dark green but a muted green. I tried it, I got about half way through it, and bleah. It was the consistency.
I am desperately trying to have a range of foods to eat. Healthy, nutritious, variety. But I am finding that I think I just might be better off with the following:
green peppers
broccoli
salsa
avocados
tortillas
red onions
green onions
potatoes
rice
apples
peanutbutter
chopped lettuce
squash
tomato paste
garlic
olive oil
rice milk
fiber cereal
beans
tofu
Now, that's more of a range than I thought I had, but not quite the right stuff for reccommended daily nutriton.
I am trying to stay away from eating too much soy based things... but it seems near impossible.
*sigh*
Keep trying new things I guess.
thats all i can think of for now.
x
Let's cross our fingers vinehumpers... I think I'm getting better. I still have a slight cough. But I think that the fever finally broke, (again) last night. I've had serious issues with temperature control.
Like a perverse Mr Miyagi:
Clothes on
Clothes off
Clothes on
Clothes off
I didn't sleep as well as I would have liked last night. I had to get up in the middle of the night and change from sweating like a racehorse. Ugh. So, I called in today. I hate getting a cold during the holiday season. Money's always tighter around those times. I'd rather have a summer cold.
But, I am happy to be getting better. In the past week I've gone through a five rolls of TP for this damn runny nose, and today, it seems (blessedly) it has signifigantly diminished.
So, I stayed home again today ( as I said) So that I could further encourage the healing process. I am going to try and go for a walk today. If the weather isn't too cold. Just a five-ten minute walk, very liesurely paced. Just to get some fresh air going. Besides, I'm sure the people at work would be less than amused by the whole 'clothes on' 'clothes off' thing. Oh well.
I feel quite relieved that this seems to be lifting. I had a fear that it would develop into pnuemonia as it seemed very similar to the symptoms. Every time I woke up sweating so bad that I had to change and change the bedding was frighteningly reminiscent.
So, today, I can look forward to boiling water, hot tea, garlic, water, fresh organic oranges, rice with redstar, and a protein shake with vanilla rice milk.
So relieved.
Thanks for everyone's well wishes.
I'm still sick :P
I'm still whiney.
I look a sight.
Debating getting another burrito.
x
I had to get my own burrito. *sigh*
If I ask John to get me a burrito, he doesn't think chipotle, he thinks i'll pick one up at the gas station. Dusty, would say, 'you want two spoons of guac, right?' I'd be like, 'yeah'. *sigh*
So, I was cranky cranky hawk, seeing as my fever comes and goes. I need to get a thermometer. Not to take temperatures, but to prevent fevers. You see, when I had a thermometer, I never needed one.
I was saying, I was cranky cranky and ended up buying John some backlava for basically ripping his head off instead of trying to put something 'correctly' about how I don't want to 'promise' something that I already avidly work on. I think when people say, "promise me... this, or that" they really mean, "what you are doing now isn't good enough". Maybe that's just my interpretation. But being sick. I have no patience for measured responses.
I am into a lot of psycho babble and what not, but I am coming to a realization that I may, in fact, not like it. Probably because before it was all about hugging trees and getting in touch with yourself, etc etc. Now, it's like "Let's be psychologically correct" which is basically PC, but just mentally speaking.
Did that make any sense?
Anyhow. Sometimes I just want a straight up 'fuck you' or 'fuck off' or 'your daft'or 'you're off your rocker' or something other than something that sounds like a forced contrivance, not to mention condescending.
See what I mean by cranky cranky?
And to add another whine to all of this, I'm nearly out of tea tree oil ointment. Which has been the only thing saving my poor lips and nose from being razor sore.
Anyhow. I went to Chipotle, They made my burrito, and next thing you know, the woman says to me, " I'm sorry ma'am, but we're out of guacamole."
Not
Acceptable
I closed my eyes and began counting to ten. I was at two or three when the manager said that some would be made in five minutes.
"I can wait five minutes."
The woman behind me raised enough ruckus for the both of us. She went on and on for the five minutes that I was there. I smiled.
Then, i got the backlava for John. Then a beacon appeared. A healthfood store. Rock on. I picked up some Red Star Nutritional yeast. Which I was suprised to find is a vegan supplement and supposedly tasty and good way to get fiber, protein, and the ever elusive B-vitamins. AND has a 'cheesy' taste. Interesting. But I'll be the judge of that. I imagine that I will like it on Potatoes and or rice mixed in w/ a wee bit of olive oil.
new things, new things... so excited.
So, I was going to get a pound of the stuff, but that was too much bulk wise. Not too expensive, just would take up too much room in my cabinet.
Speaking of new things...I tried my new vitamin drink (as opposed to vitamin supplements because they aren't as easily assimilated into your body, not to mention the value of vitamins made from real food/ versus synthetics) And... ick. Now, I know that this is the brand/ supplement /company etc that I want/ can trust. And I knew I'd end up with a pill filler. Why didn't I buy the pill filler first? I don't care if I have to take fifty pills of it, I am not going to drink juice with it anymore.
Na-astee.
Almost as bad as the flax seed oil.
*stomach turns*
think happy thoughts
think happy thoughts
think happy thoughts
the things you do when you are into alternative healing and medicine.
and for those of you interested. i have just discovered i am wearing my pants backwards. :P
sheesh
I am so certain of this fact I believe I may brave the outside world in search of the chipotle (45 minute drive :P) at which I may eat a burrito and consequently be cured. I might buy two burritos. Feed the cold starve the fever, right?
James, the 'big' manager at work is who I had direct dealings with when I called off last night. If you heard me there was no doubt that I'm sick. I can act sick if I have to, but it's not a tactic I care to employ. I was thankful that he seemed genuinely concerned about me getting to a doctor. I thought that he was going to take the route of 'you need a doctor's note to come back to work'. But no, it was,' you need to go to the doctor in case it's pneumonia'.
Still haven't forgotten that it's his ass that put me in the window in the first place. Is there some sort of naughty theme following me. Do you want to know what the 'technical' name for my common position is?
Hawk: Where am I working today?
Manager: The back hole.
I kid you not. The always stick me in the back hole.
This morning, I am awake at 5:30 a.m. Thanks to Hemlock who decided that he belonged attatched to the side of my head and would not move. He literally laid on top of my head and was making paws on my delicate skin :P.
Seemingly, my fever has broken. I spent yesterday sweating. Just sweating profusely. I do feel a bit better although the remaining nag of nasal and chest congestion are less than enjoyable, it's nowhere near what it was on the 1-10 misery scale.
oi. I just connected something. There's a greek place right next to the Chipotle. I could get backlava. Although, I'm sure it will not compare to what I had in NYC. That was the shit. let me tell you.
I have also decided that I had a lesson to learn from being sick. Since I've changed my way of eating (diet's such a nasty word...) I need to stock my cabinets. Ive ate this way long enough that I know what I like and what I don't like. And not having a selection when you are sick and finicky is really annoying.
I did take Freaky's advice and make some spaghetti noodles with a homemade italian dressing. Just plain Red Wine Vinegar and Olive Oil.
Garlic in olive oil....
Can you tell, I'm fucking hungry?
sheesh.
I hate calling off of work. I always feel guilty and feel like I'm putting my job, therefor my security, on the line. And it weighs on me all day. But oh well. I have to look after my health. If they aren't concerned about it. :P
anyhow. I think I have convinced the hubby to get me a burrito and bring it home today. rock on. I don't even have to leave the house.
gotta run
love ya
xxx