I got a lot done this past weekend. With the aid of Dustbuffalo, who most awesomely rocks. *bows*
Ok, the old townhome is cleaned. We did everything, yardwork at 2 a.m., and pitched so much junk it's not even funny.
Then when we got back to Columbus, I started on my room. I pitched and pitched and pitched, yet again. I want nothing left that was 'ours' and only things that I consider 'mine'.
I went non stop till about 8:30pm. Finally, it was finished. I am waiting to burn some things.. symbolic things... Something I gave/made him/ something he gave me, a handfull of pictures, and all the love letters he ever gave me.
I am not trying to say that I think that John is a bad man, and that is why I burn these things, I am doing it to cut ties. I am done, that relationship is dead, and my feelings for him wane. I will spend no blame, bitterness or resentment on him. I will simply move on with my life.
Which also leads me to say that I have had 2 journals because of him having access to this journal. I have done some thinking over wether or not I should move this journal to a place he couldn't find because I don't neccessarily want him knowing so much about my life now. I have no desire to hurt him, and I feel that it will hurt him should he read just how happy I am now own my own.
The conclusion I have come to, is that this is my journal. If he is hurt by these things, he does not have to come here. But I am not going anywhere. This is my journal.
So, lets see... what else?
Oh, Sunday we had a Mabon celebration at our house. We had 22 people here and I made homemade apple crisp, and peeled the apples with Lady on the backporch. We've been disgustingly domestic lately. Dave brought over more harvest from his farm... I talked real sweet to him on the phone and told him that I'd love him so much if he brought more sunflower seeds. He brought over 2.5 trash bags of the sunflower heads! I was ecstatic.
We've been making homemade salsa, tomato juice, and spaghetti sauce. I am getting spoiled on this homemade stuff.
So, this Mabon celebration was a potluck. My beautiful staffmaker made a hungarian dish. Himself. I was like... whoah. And since it had stuff that I couldn't have in it, and he couldn't quite figure out a vegan dish to make, he made me a vegan sandwhich with some sort of hazelnut/cocoa spread (that he buys at an arabic specialty store..) sandwhich and bought some humongous grapes. How awesome is that?
Work is odd, I like them, but they can't have overtime, so they send me home early today. The older workers are finally warming up to me. Its nice, I knew they'd love me. :P
I am getting ready to go into management, and I really can't wait for that, because I like money, and its a lot of money, nearly twice what I make now.
And I have goals and plans and such.
This weekend we are having a tattoo party and Kat and Terrylynn will be here. I can't wait. I guess not too much else is going on. Life is great.
friend: (laughs)
me: what?
friend: I'm just laughing because you've grown balls.
me: they're shiney too.
I take it as a compliment.
Today is a great day. First of all, I seem to have lost another pants size... woot woot. I have only one more size left to lose to reach my original goal.... and second of all I had a wonderful nights sleep after working on Dave's land yesterday picking beans, tomatoes and corn stalks. I was all over that farm shit. Then last night we came home and shucked and snapped beans.
I also have a shitton of chocolate mint that I will gladly make into tea!
It seems that Dave is going to let us come out and help him on his land next year so I will get the joy of actually going from harvest this year, to planting, tending and harvest next year. I can't tell you how stoked this makes me.
Then Dusty came over and helped us finish them off, and we sat and crocheted until I rather rudely started falling asleep sitting up. So, I bid my adieu and hopped my ass in bed and can't remember hitting the pillow. (sorry Dusty)
I'm off to apply at Kinkos this morning. I can't afford to work 25 hours a week. I think I am going to work 2 jobs for a while. It's not ideal or what I really want, but I don't really have much else to do with my time and the money will be good at least.... Besides, I have a few trinkets I wish to purchase, and a few classes that I wish to take, not to mention that I have a penchant for travelling...
x
Yesterday, I bribed more hours out of those tightwads.
I sincerely wished I hadn't by the time that I got there and realized that I was going to be working speaker. oy vey. At my store (which is something i have to get used to NOT saying) everything is different. In different places... completely different. Everything here is backwards so not only am I trying to learn a new register (damnable touch screens) i have a completely different set of duties to go with it... and everything is the wrong place... so, I am frustrated because I am very good at this (at my store) but here... I suck. And I hate the feeling that someone has to carry my position because i'm not doing it well enough.
I made the manager stick next to me... I called him Linus. I told him that he was my security blanket... I've worked there 3 days. On the second day they were asking me if I wanted to go into management. I think that I was a little quick and eager with my reply.
"Absolutely not."
"Why?"
"I know all about management."
Enough said.
It's a rainy day here... Everythings kinda dark and I have no real desire to do anything. But I must.
So, off I go.
That is the theme of my life at the moment. I figure, there are 365 days a year, and if I do one thing each day, then I at the end of the year I am 365 times more organized than I was before. Don't try to make sense of that. My head says it's right. Better than making a list (which I usually love to do, and get freaked out by all the shit on the list)
The cats seem to be settled in.
Things here are pretty good.
i am currently using the library computer.
our home network has a glitch and will be fixed lickety-split
tomorrow.
love yas
me
The title was brought to you by the lovely Dustbuffalo, whom I begged/bribed/and almost dragged to the hippie retreat this past weekend.
Dancing at the fire, you have to have a dress, outfit, costume, birthday suit, plain clothes... really, whatever you want to wear, but it's usually an excuse for people to dress up and accentuate the positive. I was wearing a dark green Victoria's Secret satin slip. It was very tasteful, and had a nice slit in it. Over my shoulder, I had my camping chair, and voila, you have a woman in lingerie going camping.
I had a few nice outfits this weekend. I do think Sunday night's was the best. It was a 2 piece maroon velvet outfit with beaded fringe that swished when you danced.
I think that I have the biggest head after these festivals. And it's all I can do to be a 'good girl'. I find that I don't really care if the lines are corny. If they are coming my direction, I still smile and take it as a compliment.
Here's some fun quotes from the weekend:
"Do you want me to come with you?"
"I have an 8 man tent, and I've been trying to fill it with 8 men all weekend."
"I'm not 8 men, but I can work REALLY hard."
"Oh yes... Oh fuck, Oh yes..." (In response to a deep tissue neck massage, you perverts, i slept on my neck wrong the first night.)
"Your hair smells like the goddess herself"
"hmmmmmm. ahhhhhhh.... hmmmmmm" ( that was me giving a full body massage which i traded for 2 pillows and a neck massage)
"well you can come to my tent for warmth anytime" (in response to chattering teeth)
"if you were any hotter, it'd be criminal" (personal fave, don't care how corny it is. i usually can't get five words out of this guy, i apparently make him nervous.)
"I'd feel better if she was nekkid." (naturalist pointing to me as i crossed the greens. for a while, he was the only naturalist.... then they poured in. bless their wee.... hearts. yes, hearts.)
No adult swim this time around. Decided that was a good thing. Trouble would have come of that.
I worked my ass off this past weekend, and I had such a hard time unwinding at first. But Sunday night made up for it. I stayed by the fire with the staffmaker all night, and we enjoyed what is called "the quiet fire" as put on by the band "Incus". Its drumming, meditation, chanting, natural percussion (using your voice as percussion, or stomping your feet, or sliding, or beating your chest) They do this, and walk and dance around the fire until the sun comes up over the ridge. It was beautiful. They even brought out a cello at one point. There was incense all over the place, and everyone that wanted to be, got smudged. (That means that they got blessed with the smoke of white sage.)
When it was all over, we all joined hands for a moment around the fire, and then took turns hugging each other. It was lovely. I didn't want to go to sleep. I am hoping that at the next retreat, that we are able to lead a quiet fire like that. I am all over it. If I can get the help of a few people, then I know that we can do it.
Next time. I'm napping. My sleep pattern feels like I'm recovering from lag.
Dad's was wonderful.
Went horseback riding twice (I'm one spoiled daughter)
I got to help round up the horses, brush them, saddle them, etc. There's something magical about interacting with a horse. I always say that they were my first love. We got to canter the 2nd time, and it was bliss just being in the blueridge mountains, cantering in the sunshine, the morning after a rain. Absolute bliss when the horse switches gates from trot to canter, I swear it feels like flying for a minute.
I caught up with my sister Tara, who also happens to be going through a divorce. I wasn't sure if I would be able to connect with Tara. There were complications after Janet's death, but as soon as I saw her, I didn't care, I just loved my sister, and we fell right back into stride.
I got to see my little brother too.
I should say my BIG little brother. He makes Tara and I look like dwarves.
It was so wonderful to be back together again, even if it was only for a weekend.
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Moving was shitty. It seemed that no matter what i was doing, that everything was delaying me, and I couldn't get to Columbus for one reason or another. Finally, I had to actually leave the kitties for the weekend, and pick them up today. Thankfully that is done. The townhome is pretty messy, but I did manage to get a few things pitched today before driving the kitties to columbus, where they continue howling.
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The day after I moved, my poor wee ferret , Goliath, died. :(
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My room is an absolute mess.
I have an interview tomorrow at Wendy's. Still hoping to hear from Fed Ex, but doubt I'll hear from them until the moon changes tide. That's just how things work sometimes.
*********
The hippie retreat was wonderful. I'll have another entry up for that.
until then....
catch you on the flip side.
hi
short and sweet
have arrived at new home
leaving within the hour for hippie retreat
hold on to your seats