New Leaves

Aren't I Sassy?

Well. At the moment, Isabel is not moving. (My car) She's completely frozen into place. I have been outside for 45 minutes, and have only managed to get the passenger door to open, the car windows (mostly) scraped, the car heated up, but alas, she is stuck. I imagine that about two bags of cat litter under each tire is going to get it free. The good thing is that the temperature is seemingly higher than it has been in the mornings. True it's not as bitter as some climates I've been to. The forecast is that there is some warming on the way. Hopefully enough to thaw this shite. I can't afford to miss anymore work.

Which I am missing at the moment because I can't get in. The temperature is supposed to be 33 at the highest point today. Lets hope that's enough to melt things.

Tonight my wonderful staffmaker is coming over. I don't have to be at work until 4 pm tomorrow. This management schedule is crap.

Wish Aunt Flo would just make her appearance and leave. I'm sorta cranky. Not to mention, I don't enjoy the extra five pounds that I get with her. Bleah.

The good news is that I have a cell phone now. I feel sassy.

I am still living the life of a spoilt bitch. We have a washer and dryer now that Troy has moved in. I treated myself to an extra large box of Tide. Not very thrifty of me, but I happen to love the smell and clean of Tide, and when you have animals that sometimes pick very odious ways of demonstrating their disapproval, Tide is a good thing.

I have mostly cleaned my room, and I have a few things to get done today. Digging out my car seems to be not such a good idea as I will have to dig out the hood too. So that I may see if anything else has frozen and don't damage anything.

Damnable.

Today, I am going to get a cell phone. Cingular plan, so whoever else is on the cingular plan, I can call you for free. That was what Michael bought me. I also received:

A black tee shirt that says "Believe in Fairies" and has little pink wings on the back.

One hundred and eleven dollars

A candle/candleholder (very nice)

A purse and wallet (very very nice)

Two planners (which works for me because I can use both for different reasons)

A book called 'Stitch and Bitch' (a book on knitting) from the fabulous Owen, who had it personalized and autographed for me, he also gave me a candle that is in the sweetest crock and one of the planners ( The four agreements calendar for Wisdom and personal freedom in 2005)

Time's a tickin'
Got stuff to do.

Brrrrrr.

Well now.

Tuesday afternoon I was on my way to work, it had been snowing all day. I resolved to be a good
little trainee and get to work, nevermind the winter weather closing in. I was overcome with a feeling
that I've only felt a few times in my life. Whenever my intuition screams at me, I try to listen.

"Turn around and go home, you can still go home. Your car isn't built for this. Call in. This job isn't worth it."

I wasn't even a mile from my home and I turned around and called in. The weather got worse. It usually
takes me 45 minutes to drive to the training store. In the horrible storm that was moving in, It would
have taken at least 2 hours.

Having called in, and wanting a partner in crime, I called on Le Madame Buffalo. She braved the wild and came over and crocheted. I got a craving for chocolate cookies. It took me about an hour and a half to make some vegan chocolate chip cocoa cookies, but they were well worth it. I have frozen the rest of them, as having them ready-to-eat, is too tempting. Dusty
stayed for a while, and was gracious(as always) and didn't complain as I fussed over cookies and talked on the phone with my wonderful staffmaker. She left late in the evening, foiling my plot to have her snowed in with me. Damnable.

I go to bed around midnight, and get woke up, "Linda, It's six o'clock in the morning, we are under a level three snow emergency, the heat is out and I need your help." I wake up. It's still dark, but there's lots to do. Candles to light, water to pour into as many containers as possible, get the little radio working so that we can hear the news, get all the blankets in one spot, and try to go out and get the car running. Lady's car is completely frozen. Chiselling for a half hour just to free the drivers side door and start the car did little to help thaw it. Quickly walking around my car, we discover, it's not going anwhere either. I call off another day.

The news says, power is out for 196,000 people, and they don't have a clue as to when it will be back on. Traffic lights are out all over the city, trees are falling on power lines from being overburdened with ice. It gets colder in the house. We hunker down in blankets, Lady sleeps, I start crocheting. Troy was to come get Lady on Thursday after he got out of work, and I will stay in Columbus because I am supposed to work on Friday. Still no word on when power will be restored. Lady and I go out and dig out her car, after half an hour of chiseling with a knife and an ice scraper with the heat and defrost running, the car is mostly clear. The passenger side door still won't open. I decide to go with Lady to Pittsburgh, and call in on Friday, The weather has not lessened, my car will not make it, and the roads have not been cleared very well.

Lady drives us to Pittsburgh. I work myself into complete anxiety and nausea as I fear that I may have lost my job for calling off 3 days during training. But after getting a hold of the Area Manager, I explain the situation to him, and he seems sympathetic. No mentioning of demotion or termination. I can breathe again.

Coincidentally, Pittsburgh had not an inkling of snow. Not that I saw. It was just cold as fuck. Columbus was still Ten Degrees colder.Brrr.

After Lady and Troy cleared out the last bits of their old Pittsburgh townhome, and we drive Three and a half hours home, we unload the cars, and I finally make some calls. My sister tells me that Glema did not make the journey to Columbus for Christmas because of the weather.

Lady taught me how to knit on Christmas eve. She showed me one way and then I figured out the other way. I am working on a scarf as my first knitting project. It's truly trying my patience, but I am enjoying it anyways.

I don't want to say that Christmas was bad. It wasn't bad. Just didn't really feel like Christmas. It felt just like any other day. Nothing special. No magic. There was some holiday magic earlier in the week as Lady and Troy and her daughers and granchildren all gathered for their exchanges. It was really sweet.

I still have tomorrow off. I am going to attempt to thaw out my car. Troy is driving both Lady and I to work on Monday, or I will drive lady's car, my car just isn't built for this horrible weather. It seems to me that Columbus just doesn't have the roads as cleared as they usually do. Maybe it's just because I live on the other side of town. But it's got to be bad news when the mass transportation COTA bus stops traffic because it's jacknifed.

The other thing I am going to do tomorrow, is relax. I just want to unwind. I feel stressed and a week behind.

Hope that you are all having a wonderful holiday.
Love you

I have been thinking about "How things went down with John," One of the things that he used to say to me after being verbally abusive is, "It's the way that I was raised. You know what type of childhood I had." I started to realize that "This menas he isn't ever going to talk to me nicely, or argue fairly." I used to cry to my friends about it. I even estranged myself because I had friends who couldn't handle seeing me cry all the time, and seeing me STAY in that abusive situation. I hated him using his childhood as an excuse to act poorly. What it really meant is , "I am in no position to be in a relationship because I have not learned basic human skills."

I am reading "The Mastery of Love" And it gives an explanation of things in a way that I never heard phrased. If you are interested in this book, I would recommend reading "The Four Agreements," first. Two books that I am currently involved in, and that are making me reflect on the way that I act, and the things that I have done. The way that I talk about people, and the way that I judge people (sometimes, we are all guilty of this, I think.)

I have no desire to start up a conversation with John. I think about "What went wrong" Because I know I had a hand in it. I do wish for him to know that I think he would be best served getting counselling. Using your childhood as an excuse only works for a small time. Using your childhood as an excuse is to say to that someone special, " You are stupid to stay with me because I have told you that I know the difference between right and wrong, and I choose to continue with wrong actions, even though I know that these actions hurt you."

I remember distinctly yelling at John that he was 30 years old, had been out of the house for 10 years... exactly when was he going to stop punishing me for what had happened in his childhood?

The difference between now and then is that you have a choice now. You can choose to do better. You can choose to get counselling, make friends, and stop talking about all the shit that went wrong. You can choose to make healthy choices instead of destructive choices.

If you want self esteem, do esteemable acts(that's from Pat, btw).
If you want to feel better about yourself, nothing works better than accomplishment.

Make a goal, accomplish it.

Stay out of relationships until you can make peace with your childhood and forgive the past for waht it was. Otherwise, you become the abuser.

But he'll never hear any of this.

My childhood was not cake. Big deal. Everyone has had it rough in their own way. Not neccessarily more than someone else, just different. The big clue to having healthy friendships and relationships is not to burden them with your burden. Stop talking about your childhood, and your shit past , and start finding something new, some common ground to talk about.

Anyhow, "The Four Agreements," and "The Mastery of Love" Are two books that I intend to read and re read until I can practice these principles.

I find myself unexpectedly in love, and not willing to practice the same things that helped my marriage fail. Have I mentioned that I think that a man admitting that he goes to counselling and goes regularly is sexy?

I have determined that whenever people ask me about my marriage, I will not give them any more information than, "We just weren't compatible." and if they pry, because people like to pry... it makes them feel closer to you... again, something I'm guilty of.... fishing for info.... if they pry, I will say, "I am sorry I don't really want to discuss it, I find the less I talk about it, the less I remember, and I'd rather not hash up old stuff."

So with all that in mind.... lets see if I can see Glema/Mother next week and apply this. It's not easy, but I definately plan on practicing what I preach.

Ok, I'm off to make fudge.

oooooohhhh mama, i can't wait till tomorrow

Vegan Peanut Butter Fudge

This is a dairy free peanut butter fudge.

Ingredients:

3/4 cup vegan margarine
1 cup peanut butter
1 3/4 cup confectioners sugar

1. Melt margarine over low heat.

2. Remove from heat and stir in peanut butter.

3. Gradually stir in confectioners sugar.

4. Put in 9 x 9 greased pan. Cool and cut into squares.

Wah Moo Wah Moo

Yesterday was my first close. Let me start by saying, lets hope and pray that every restaurant has someone as anal retentive as me. Becomming vegan made it easier for me to stop eating out since 95% of the menu is ruled out. (Usually)

Last night, I closed the dining room. There are some very bad couples in history, but no pair equates with the messy customer and the lazy fast food worker. There is a checklist of things to do in our closing, if it is done every night, then it takes no time at all to complete. However, you have a crewperson who just wants to go home after they close the dining room, and let me tell you.... I won't divulge what I found, and what I ended up cleaning up, but I will tell you that at one point I had to stop and fan myself, get some crackers and try to think of anything that I possibly could. And believe it or not, the worst spot wasn't in the men's restroom, although that did come up a close second.

Now, I have been moved to a training store for 4 weeks, and I will be learning every single position that there is to operate. Then I will go to a different training store and learn the managerial duties and paperwork.

To be a training store, one would think that everything should be top notch, clean and efficient. I looked at that place and thought to myself, "I can't believe they are sending me here to train. This place is filthy in comparison to both of the stores that I have worked in." Not to say that it is unsanitary, or that food shouldn't be served there, just to say that it is cluttered and they are obviously not performing the cleaning chart. When you stop doing that, the whole store just looks run down.

Anyhow.

Today I suffer from a malaise that is very similar to jet lag, considering that I closed last night, and did not get to sleep until about 4 in the morning and did not wake up until 10-ish. I close again tonight, and hope that I can get some things done.

I have 1.5 hours every day to do reading/writing. That means that I can review anything that I need to review. And I fill out little papers on my progress for the week, and I can watch the oh-so-nifty-made-in-the-fifties position videos. Ok, I exaggerated. But they are really dryer than a mouth full of sand in the sahara.

At the moment, I am only interested in eating raisin bran, with extra raisins, and a slided banana, in vanilla soy milk. I do not know if it is because I lack the desire to actually open a can of soup, or *make* something (heaven forbid) But, really, it's all I want...

I did take pictures of the gypsy skirt, but it will have to wait to be uploaded. I am currently skurrying about with a yule celebration this weekend.... (hence why the malaise is inconveniently timed.) Not to mention, my computer seems to be exceptionally slow this morning, and I don't have the energy to fuss with it. Even though I have an absolutely brilliant picture that I can't wait to put on line.

Gah, I hate this, I feel like it should only be 10a.m., but it's 12:31. My future schedule has no resemblance to anything routine. Can't wait to get back to my store with a real manager and real crew.

Wah.

I'm out.
Moo.

Hello 727

I woke up at 727 this morning. Today is my first day on a closing schedule, and I must say that I am not really and truly looking forward to staying at work until 12 or 2 in the morning. However, this is part of the training.

Thanks to our wonderful webmistress, she has fixed the situation with my comments on my blog, so now I will begin by openning this entry for comments. I was really hard hit by spammers, at one point I had over 1000 comments.

So, today, I am going to the gym and then, I will most likely come back home, clean up and take a nap before I have to go in to work.

I finally finished the gypsy skirt that I have been working on for several hours. Well, I finished the hard part, all I have to do now is put the waist band in it, which will take about 20 minutes, and then it is done. I am ***soooo*** glad to be done with that thing. It was such a tedious project.

Time will tell

Today was my first day in management training. I would like to thank the weather bunny for the lovely blizard-like conditions that I drove in while trying to find a rather off-the-beaten-path address for my orientation.

The benefits are top notch, the pay... well... what do I expect really? And... the job... too early to tell. I can already tell that I am going to have to milk the training to get what I need. I sorta feel like it's up to me to determine what I need to get done and what needs to be done. The HUGE training manual is not the best guide.

I happen to be fortunate that the franchise has purchased 17 more stores in Cleveland and that means that there is quite a bit of movement in management at this time. This means that I stand the chance of being promoted to decent money rather quickly

Last night I had my weekly attitude adjustment with my lovely Staffmaker.

Look away if gushing makes you ill.

You know what he asked me last night? He asked me if I'd like to watch Lord of the Rings the next time he came over, and what I thought about the Rohan decor, because that's the sort of knotwork he wants to fill his home with. Not to mention that he left a message on my answering machine today telling me that he hoped I had a good 'first day of training', and when he called, he addressed me as his favorite manager.

Apparently, managers get free meals.
Rock.

Oh, and It seems that I am 'slated for the fast track' Which means (If I decipher this jargon correctly) that I am going to be going into Assistant manager training as soon as is allowed. It feels a bit like some heavy expectations are being made of me versus my same level coworkers. But I have something to do with that since I made it quite clear to them that I did not want to stay 'shift supervisor' for a long time, and I constantly joke about being a district manager (which is sooooo far out of my range at this moment.)

I am not exactly sure how much of a career I am going to make of this at the moment. I still have the desire to go to the photography school in Dayton.

Dinno. Time will tell.

i already knew i was mental

You are a lipid. You know whom you like and whom
you hate, and you like hanging out with people
who think like you do. People who disagree with
you annoy you to no end. You either love
Abercrombie and Fitch or you despise it, but
there's no middle ground. You're polar.


Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Real quick-like

Ok, this is just a real quick.

I have been offered the shift manager position. I passed both interviews and the backround check. I start training on Monday. Training takes 2 months. I am don't much care for training, but I am going to try and look at this as a growing experience. oy.

I also got employee of the month. I like a pat on the back every now and then. Yippee.

My lovely staffmaker came over on Tuesday night. I managed to get a 4 hour nap before his arrival, and a 2 hour nap after he left, but then I worked 10 hours and that was really hectic. I went to bed early last night, and here we are.

Also, Tuesday, My sister calls me and she's just sounding 'not right'.

What's wrong?

Oh, nothing..... Do you have a ride?

Yes... what do you need? (In a "I know there's still something you aren't telling me" tone.)

My sister then starts bawling on the phone asking if I can help her because no one else will, and she's broke up with her boyfriend (the one that she's pregnant with) and doesn't think that she can have 2 children by herself.... so she called our other sister (K) and told her she wanted the number to the clinic... because she wanted the counselling.... (K) called their father... and her father has called her and told her that if she aborts the baby that he will disown her.

So. I tell her to not even think about that right now... let's just handle one thing at a time (God, if I could only implement this technique). So we get her to the caseworker and Crystal gets a job working for the caseworker's office filing papers, gets her extra assistance, and gets child care so that she can work. I am going to start taking my nephew about once a week so that she can get a nap and have a bit of a break.

So, that's been my week.

Oh, and I saw a rainbow. I love rainbows.

ciao
x

equals

I've not been real journal-ey lately. I fell like I just have the same thing happening.

Get up
Eat a protein shake
Go to work
Work
Come home
quilt or crochet
Go to bed

Sometimes work out, but my hips have been popping in and out of socket this past week and I think it's because I've been sitting with one foot tucked under me while I crochet a whole lot.

The kitties have been their wonderful selves.

Usually, my lovely staffmaker visits on Sunday evenings, but he could not yesterday. I kinda figured out that he wouldn't be able to because he is in the process of moving, and then he'll have to move again.

I am annoyed at being disappointed for him not being able to be there. He already does so much for me.

I have had both interviews for management. Hopefully, I'll start training on Monday December 13. This is good because I need the extra money that I'll be making an hour, and it will give me a shift in my focus. I need something to concentrate on while I finish this divorce paperwork and wait for things to smooth out with the staffmaker.

I've been having dreams about John's family. I realized that I finally somewhat miss him/them. This makes me feel better because before I couldn't care less if I ever saw him again. Now don't worry, I have no intention of going back, and I certainly have no intention of contacting him for friendship, but in my mind

missing him/them=having emotion

is better than

not missing him/them=being numb

I'd like to blame Aunt Flo for my recent 'cry at the drop of a hat' episodes, but I think I'm just coming back to feeling.

Pretty soon, I'll start feeling invinceable again. Just wait.

at the mo

So.

Well apparently I have issues with the holidays. I am not usually a person that is really in the holiday spirit. This year is no exception. I wish I could be more in the holidays, but I really despise the flooded malls, people driving like idiots on the road. I just want to hibernate for the month of December. Not to mention the fact that I just don't have the money to buy presents and I dislike not giving presents when I know people are going to give me presents.

Still haven't had my interviews for management, but soon enough, I suppose.

I got a visit on Sunday from my lovely staffmaker. He and I spent the whole day together instead of just the evening. I swear time flies the second he steps in the door.

I think time is flying in general. Which I am not used to. I spent all summer wanting time to go by quickly, but it just went by soooo slowly because I wanted to move on, and now that I am moving on, it's just going so fast.

I finally started going to the gym, I had my appointment with them and I will have another appointment tonight getting trained on the circuit training. I really expected that they would tell me that I needed to lose some ridiculous amount of weight for my stature. I always hear that I *should* weigh about 110 lbs. That's ridiculous. I was pleasantly suprised that they did different type of tests to get body fat analysis and came up with a figure that I could agree with; 30 lbs.
Yeah, I think that would do it for me.

Yesterday was exceptionally busy.
I went to work
came home
cleaned my room
cleaned the whole house
did the floors
took out the trash
did laundry
went grocery shopping

now i have to put away my laundry ( my least favourite chore), and i still have to go to trader joes to get some more nuggets.

that's my life at the moment.

exiting, no?