I can't get enough of the song "Fame" by Citizen Cope.
I dare you to listen to it.
The peace did not last. We were at a meeting until at least 11pm
with the girls and the liaison. They talked to her alone for an hour
and actually worked up some tears about how hard their life here
is.
When it came our turn to talk it's amazing how different the stories
were, and how long it took for their attitudes to come out with the
truth.
The truth being that there are consequences to your actions, part
of almost being an adult is starting to face them.
We have no real way of making sure that this really gets heard so
we asked that incident report be filled out and that the information
gets to their parents.
The liaison actually told them that they were "shitting on us, and
treating us like we were a hotel".
There's no victory here. It's nice to know I'm not crazy, that this
is really what was going on, and that these were their actual feelings.
It was also nice to hear what they were trying to say to other people
about how mean we are.
The house is on lockdown until they chose to try to interact with us.
And I just got an email from one of the girls father. You know the
kind where they say, "Let us tell you our position on things"
After the girls decided to continue their shitty behaviour.... right in front
of Buffalo even, we went upstairs and told them that they should prepare
to meet with the liaison on Wed night. To which we were told that we
could meet alone with her that they couldn't go because M had a choir
performance at 7 and S wanted to go to it. We asked why we hadn't
heard of this before, and the answer was, "I didn't think it was a big deal."
Well, we invited ourself to the performance and told the girls that we all
would be meeting with the liaison at her first possible convenience. To
which they must have gotten the hint that something was up.
Michael and I stepped out for a minute to run a couple of errands. Michael
stepped outside first and I stayed inside to finish up the email to the liaison.
I overheard them talking to each other about how it was ridiculous for us
to expect that they 'hang out with us, have dinner with us 3 times a week,
didn't we know that they weren't here for a relationship with the hosts?'
When we came back they came down and decided to have a talk with us
about how they would buy their own food but they would come to dinner
they didn't want me to make all that food.
Which isn't directly addressing the problem so we told them that if they
insisted that was fine, but the reality of the situation is that it's not wrong to
ask someone to close the fridge, close the cheese bag, not eat all the strawberries out of the special k, eat the middle of a homemade apple pie
with a spoon, drink all of the half and half, eat all of the honey, eat all of the
nuts, leave lids off of stuff, or leave the cereal boxes on top of the freezer door so that when I open it, I get doused with cereal, and I have to clean it up. And that it was ok for me to talk to them about it, and that it was ok for them to eat stuff, it was even ok for them to eat or drink all of it, just go and get another one so that if someone else wanted some they could have it.
They still insist on buying their own food. Just fine by me, their tastes are super expensive.
We then addressed that they weren't here to stay in our house like a hotel. That it wasn't cool to give us one word answers and then go upstairs for the rest of the night, to tell us that they have homework and then go surf the net and laugh loudly all night... obviously not doing homework.
One of them tried to tell us that they thought we wanted all of their time. Like we were suffocating them and I told them that I was going to take them out of school for the next 3 weeks so that I could have more time with them... and then told them that I was being sarcastic and they were being unrealistic.
They told us that they were going camping with us, which was proof that they wanted to spend time with us. We didn't let that fly, they've tried everything that they could say in order to not go camping, "I can't go without phone service, I can't go for four days, I can't be without my friends, I am afraid of forests."
We've only told them one time that they couldn't go to the mall... There was a blizzard.
We told them that we weren't just acting out of our asses, that we asked for advice from others who had teenagers too. That everyone else thought that we were really lenient.
That it wasn't acceptable to tell us that they were going to go do something. They had to ask. They had to let us know if they were going somewhere after school in the form of a question. That whether they liked it or not we were their American Parents, not hostel operators. We were legally responsible, that we decided to treat them with respect and give them independence not so that they could walk on us, but so that they could treat us with respect in kind.
I told them that I was going to pick them up in my voyager mom van right at
the front door of the school the rest of the school year if they didn't ask me/ let me know about their after school activities. To which S replied that she would be gone if that happened, and I let it know that it would be ok if that's what she wanted but I'm not going to be legally responsible for someone who is disrespecting me by not holding up their end of the agreement.
The talk seemed to go ok, there was a few tense moments and a few funny moments. But really only the next few weeks will tell if they are going to have a different attitude or not.
We shall see. I am still taking them to the meeting to see the liaison so that they can know that we aren't playing. I have the ultimate ace. I can have them separated, which of course to teenagers would be the end of the world, but I won't have it.
I tried to be nice. I wanted to have a relationship with these girls
but I am not having them walk on me, use me, disrespect me, or
ignore me.
I've been as patient as I can be with people eating all the diced
vegetables for snacks when I spent my time dicing those vegetables
for the salads that they wanted with every dinner.
I've been as patient as I can with lids not being tightened on and
I grab something and then I get it all over me, or it falls on the floor.
I've been as patient as I can with them refusing to clean their room.
We don't ask them to do any chores, just wash their own clothes.
I've been as patient as I can with people putting their hands in the
cereal boxes and eating directly out of the cereal boxes, and if any
drops on the floor, they don't sweep it up. Also, someone ate all
of the dried strawberries out of the special K and left the flakes.
I've been as patient as I possibly can be with having bought 70 bucks
worth of honey in six months because one of them likes to eat it
by the spoon full.
I've been as patient as I can with asking them to let me know where
they are/ where they are going. For them to be pissy with me about
having to be home by dark if they are walking outside. We've had
several rapes less than 2 miles down the street from us, and to my
knowledge the guy hasn't been caught.
I've been as nice as I possibly can be when someone drank 90% of
the Irish creamer for Michael's coffee in 24 hours... this has happened
twice. The third time they drank a pint of half and half.
I've been as nice as I can with them finally cleaning the trash out of
their room and bringing two bags downstairs and just setting it in the
kitchen without separating the recycling.
I've been as nice as I can to try and bring these things up to them in
a nice and fun way. All I get is these looks like I'm insane. I'm
obviously not making this up. I don't drink 3/4 of the soy-milk and
then leave the cap cockeyed so that I can pull it out and shake it
and get it all over me.
I've been as nice as I possibly can be with people grabbing cheese and
not closing the fucking bag.
I've been as nice as I possibly can with eating out of the fridge without
getting a plate. Literally stand in front of the fridge, open a container,
fish something out, then barely close the container and then close the door.
My fridge has been acting like it's going to quit because it's running too long.
So, I go up to their rooms about two weeks ago and say something to
them to try and find out who's doing this and why? Again, I'm insane.
So, for two weeks, they've been boycotting dinner. 'They've pretended that
they won't eat our food. No, someone is waiting until we go to bed and eating. Or they are buying their dinner at the co op. They've been boycotting
our presence and they've been using one word answers, or lying and saying that they've got homework to do when they laugh loudly for three hours as they type away on the free wi-fi that we are supplying.
I decided that I would head them off at the pass today and tell them that dinner is at five... so they know that they have to have dinner with us tonight. They were pretty huffy as they left.
It's now 3:20.. They get out of school at 2:30, if they take the bus home, they arrive home at 3:00... I've received no phone call to alert me to where they are going, that they are doing something. I never say that they can't do anything. I just say let us know. LEGALLY, we are supposed to know where they are at all times.
At first I was hurt because I'm perceived as a bitch by them, but hey now I can roll with it. I think I'm going to take them to school and pick them up in my beat up old mom voyager van for the rest of this week.
If they really want to take me on, I'll call the liaison and ask her to intervene before I get rid of one or both of them, and then they'll be split up and heart broken.
Patient yes, pathetic, no.
Michael and I went to a social meetup group where we went to
brunch and a movie. It was nice. But it was interesting that
twice the conversation was dominated by how each person in
the group has had to change their lifestyle because of gas
prices. They talked about how they were being thrifty in one
way or another in order to conserve. None of them were
environmentalists or tree huggers, they didn't say anything
about political affiliations.
It was nice to meet some new people.
I have been throwing myself into gardening. I am hoping that
I can do it as physical therapy over the summer. Last year
I didn't get out at all and I just really missed being out, going
to festivals, and going camping.
I am hoping that when I go to the doctor they don't tell me
that I have fibromyalgia, arthritis, or chronic fatigue.
Polar bears aren't endangered... they are *threatened*.
We aren't in a recession we are in a *slow down*
I don't pay 4.00 a gallon for gas... oh wait. I do.
Assholes.
I just watched Borat.
The funniest scariest thing.
I don't know what to think.
I feel like everything had to
be staged. I'm afraid it
wasn't.
Buffalo and I bought lots
of plants this weekend. We
both had the same look on
our face when we saw the
sale on herbs.
I'm up to no good. I'm up to my eyeballs in no good.
So, Here I am starting a community garden. I think I
must be crazy. I want to grow my own herbs and
vegetables. Gas is crazy expensive and it has pushed
the price of groceries into crazy expensive too. I mean
Aldi's is terrible... Half the time you get the food home and
it doesn't even last a few days in your fridge before it goes
bad.
So, fresh, organically grown, by my own hand, and giving
other people the opportunity to as well.
other than that I'm working on writing more. Editing, and
adding to my photography business.
I need to put together an advertisement for my business
and get it out there.
I had my nephews for four days while my sister gave birth
to a little girl. Elizabeth Tiffany-Grace. Man I was pissed.
Grace was so my name to give. Ugh.
Having the girls here for 6 months and the boys for four days
has put a small hampering on my maternal urges. Of course
I want a child. Always have, but it was crazy here for a couple
days.
My nephews are so cute. Little heathens. The new baby is
somewhat bittersweet. Some days I'm ok with not having
been able to have children thus far. And some days I'm not.
I wasn't ok with it on Saturday when I had to take the boys
to see their new sister.
The girls had prom. They were super beautiful.
There's about to be an adjustment in the force here.