I really need to make a local friend. and I really really can't be bothered to do so. Maybe I'll go on meetup or something. I am just really not wanting anymore drama. I have had several friend situations sour and it's mostly because I'm moving on and trying to embrace life. I can accept that everyone has faults and afflictions, but I really get aggravated at people wallowing around in their misery, people not having a spine, and people who undermine you.
For instance, I have a friend who's an addict. As long as I've known her she's been an addict. She quit when she got pregnant and while she was breast feeding, but after that she began getting into things recreationally, and then its on again, and meanwhile her whole life goes down the drain, and she's wallowing around crying about woe is me, i'm a bad mom, blah blah blah.
I've offered to help her for years, from living with me to taking care of her child. Now her daughter is severely suffering for this addiction that she has and so i told her that she either checks her ass into rehab or i call childrens services. I have another friend who's been helping her to not reach rock bottom. and I told her that enough was enough, this has been years of this and now the child has mental/emotional issues so severe that she's been admitted to a psych ward for 2 weeks. the child is 9 years old.
I'm fed up with it. So I enlist my other friend to have a mini intervention. and my other friend underminds me. tells her she has a week to get her shit together. no. no no non nononon.nonononon NO. fuck no. YEARS I am done, so I tell her that I don't care what she said, I say get your ass to rehab.
My addict friend then calls back later and she's got the nerve to be angry at me. I told her that I don't care if she's angry. I'm angry at her for being in denial and party mode for 8 years and it's not me that she's angry at, she's angry at herself for being in this situation because she can't say that she doesn't have a problem, she can't say she didn't blow her inheritance, she can't say that she didn't have help. She's now paying for the party and she's pissed.
Fine, whatever, get sober, take care of your kid. Hate me... I don't give a fuck.
I'm done with whiny BS and I told her as much.
So now my friend who was supposed to help me encourage her to get help and go to rehab and get sober and live her life as the intelligent person that she is, has undermined the whole thing making me look like the bad guy (what the fuck) and I'm ready to toss them both if she told her that she didn't have to get a program, parenting classes, etc.
see? I don't want another situation like that. i just think it sounds a little stuck up to say 'hey i'll be your friend but you have to have your shit together, or at least be making an effort.'
i have another friend from high school who i discovered later was one of those things where i was more her friend than she was mine. i had a lot of issues with her as we hit that puberty thing and she became a swan and i was still very awkward... something that just never left me really, but *everyone* was after her hot shit. and she was and still is beautiful. but i tell you, it really fucking sucked to invite her to the mall and the guy who had been all about me turned right to me and said, 'i'm not really interested in you, i know it might be rude but is your friend single?' fucker. if only i could go back in time and say something witty :P
totally not the point though. the point is that she and i met again this past fall after years of not seeing each other, and again i was genuinely happy and interested, but just not in the same league as her because she married a guy who's family was in oil. (wtf) anyhow, her guy is a selfish prick and my guy is awesome and she has to do stupid shit to keep his attention (which she can't because he's golfing, and she's at home taking care of the kids while trying to 'look hot')
The thing that really distressed me about meeting up with her again is that you go down memory lane and she couldn't. Not only was I invisible next to her, but I was invisible TO her. All of these memories that I had with her which I thought were good times she just kept saying, "Oh, you were there for that?"
I don't envy her though, nothing more futile than trying to force yourself to age well. Nothing more pathetic than being married to someone you don't love and doesn't treat you well, respect you, or spend the time with the children that they should when they could, they just won't; staying married to that big paycheck. Her house is like a mini mansion. no shit.
it seems like the better friends i've chosen came from the internet. in person, i suck ass at picking.
So, nothing really new going on. My garden is not going as I had hoped, the weed situation is out of control, i probably could have kept up on it if i would have known that the area i live in gets torrential style rains for 2 months in the spring and that my garden needs to be 'trenched' and 'mounded' so the water runs off and etc etc.
The corn is doing well, the sunflowers are doing well, but it is because they are mounded and trenched and my new tomato plants and pepper plants are showing signs of life, the cucumbers are flowering and huge and that is fantastic.
however the other plot looks so badly I want to mow it down.
alas.
we are dogsitting this week and house sitting and cat sitting, and i have a rare opportunity to make money doing gardening chores at the house, and i have permission to do whatever i damn well please.
still waiting on some of michael's clients to pay him, and then all will be right as rain.
oh, and i've given up sugar. it blows but apparently i am prediabetic and that is not good as it does run in my family.
i'll try to update more. sorry this is so dry but i've been really sporadic. lets hope that we get to move into the big apartment soon.
later.