I have finally started to catch up. The first grades on some of my assignments and tests may not be so great as I've had to put some things on the back burner to better understand other things. Robbing Peter to pay Paul on an intellectual level.
Things here are strained. Neither Michael or I do well when finances suck, and two people of that type together when finances suck equals relationship problems. I hope we pull through. I think we'll pull through... but not without some hiccups. I think that I understand the whole 'honeymoon period' analogy of 2 years. Some people know that marriage is work. Some people think that they know marriage is work, and think that they are willing to do the work, but then they change their minds when they are knee deep in the muck of it. We've been through the ringer and I am glad to have my age and understanding behind me. It's good to be able to look at your partner with sympathy and empathy regardless of your opinion of their opinion or actions.
Now it seems as though we get to do the mid life crisis and menopause... let's hope that they don't coincide.
We are currently looking at doctoral universities and places that we wish to go after the doctorate. I have to pick a foreign language soon. Will I do Spanish because I am familiar with it? Will I pick a different language? Who knows.
I've been going through the apartment and cleaning things. I just have lost my desire to have belongings. I am about to start my Etsy account where I sell some of my pottery. It could work.
That's about all I got. Time to rob Peter again.
We have received our funds and purchased our books and finished paying off our tuition. The Uni did not inform us that we would not be receiving the full amount of the loan due to Michael's waiver. The loan was 6k less than 'they' said it would be. So much for paying off our bills and a handful of other things. Now I'm loaded down with classes and don't have time to work, and I can't just drop a class.
I tried to be responsible because full time is equal to 12 hours at my Uni. Anything over 12 hours, up to 18 credit hours is 'free'. You don't have to pay any additional tuition. So, I thought, since I'm not able to work full time right now, ( and I'm not, I cannot physically tolerate sitting for any length of time or standing for any length of time. I have to be able to get up and stretch or get ice packs, or take ibu...)
anyhow, so I thought, take extra credit hours, that will mean less loans in the long run.
now I'm paying for it (figuratively) because my schedule is so loaded I can't even think about work even if I tried.
I am trying not to flip out, but after my school loan didn't cover the complete cost of my tuition, and michael's loan paid the rest of my tuition, bought our 800 dollars worth of books, paid one months rent, bought *some* groceries there's essentially nothing left. fucked we are.
I know we'll make it through somehow, but we just moved into a bigger apartment which is about 100 extra dollars a month than our old one.
Anyhow, that's the gist of it. I wake up most mornings with a sense of dread about the month and if we are going to be able to make it, and I feel terrible because the load is mostly on Michael to bring in the money.
And I am really feeling the pressure of the extra assignments. I know I will fall into step and it will be okay, but the next year proves to be very hard. We do have the possibility of our car accident being settled, but last we heard they only wanted to pay 1500 for the accident because i had previous neck injury.
So, we have to take them to court... I could do with out court, but I don't have a choice. I need the settlement to get further routine neck care, and there is a chance of things not working out right in the settlement still. Which isn't supposed to happen but theoretically could happen. The company didn't even pay my medical bills. My car insurance paid my medical bills, and they want to give us 1500 bucks? I am not some punk looking to get a quick fix. I am looking for a way to try and correct the downward spiral that has happened since the car accident. Before the car accident I didn't have the ankle problem which I got from stomping on the brakes so hard that I absorbed the impact through my ankle and into my knee.
I have good days, I have bad days, physically speaking, but I can't do anything. I can't work out consistently which has led to weight gain and everyone who knows me, knows that I am miserable with weight gain. If you wonder why you haven't seen a recent picture of me on facebook, it's because I refuse to be in pictures.
Sorry to piss and whine but I'm pissed and sick of not being able. If I hear one more person tell me that I just need to get out there and 'do it' I'll fucking smack them. I was FIT when this happened, if fitness where the key, then it shouldn't have happened. Very few people understand the pain that belongs to nerve pain, and how an injury can turn you into a negative raving bitch, and that's what it feels like.
So, I'm just trying, daily, to stay positive, but I sure could use a break.